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People really set themselves up for that when they use old pics, or filtered or photoshopped pics.
Last guy I was on a date with, the pics I knew him by were when he was in the army 20 years ago. He looked great in those pics. The guy who showed up was obese and was aging very prematurely. It was clear he had treated his body like garbage in the 20 years since he got out of the army. His diet must have consisted mainly of snickers bars and pringles.
He had a very interesting personality, but he could barely handle a walk around town and I liks to hike for 5 miles at a time.
I only complain because its a prevantable issue. He could have taken care of himself instead of letting himself go.
I guess what is in question, in my opinion, is whether OP finds the woman unattractive...or he's just comparing her somewhat unfavorably to an ex that he was VERY attracted to. I would think that if she outright didn't meet his needs in terms of her looks...and I think most of us do have a threshold somewhere, right?...then why would he continue to see her? Why would he be even debating this? I assume that if he just straight up had NO attraction to her, or was put off by her that way, the choice to end the connection would be simple.
I wonder if he could somehow erase his memory of the ex, would this woman be acceptable without the comparison? Is the problem here, or is it there?
She is not unattractive but she doesn't get my heart beating either. My previous ex (whose story you are familiar with) activated a different part of me I didn't know existed. I would almost do almost anything to please her I was so infatuated with everything about her. Her happiness was my happiness.
Now I'm just like bleh. I mean she's ok, she's perfectly suitable, but my heart isn't racing and my ether parts don't have that reaction either. Don't get me wrong, I could probably date her for a while, she just seems so much more into me. It's the imbalance that is problematic. How can I share in enthusiasm I don't have.
On the flip side, having a partner for movies or dinner is kind of nice. That's where I'm at. Maybe I could date her longer and find I might grow in my feelings? I don't know.
My previous ex was the most attractive (physically) woman I have ever dated. She was like a model and part of me fears I'll never even get close to that and how do I lower my standards because I know I'm not at my ex's level.
I can't make myself feel that which I don't. But I'm also not rushing into something either.
Okay ... You're not rushing OUT of anything either.
As long as you compare others to the hot mess, you'll be confused about the right thing to do.
You know she was wrong for you, and it doesn't appear you're ready to date since you can't stop letting yourself still be swayed by that screwed-up side. Fear that she will get mad is supposed to be your first clue LOL.
Okay ... You're not rushing OUT of anything either.
As long as you compare others to the hot mess, you'll be confused about the right thing to do.
You know she was wrong for you, and it doesn't appear you're ready to date since you can't stop letting yourself still be swayed by that screwed-up side. Fear that she will get mad is supposed to be your first clue LOL.
You don't understand.
I want the beauty of my ex with the demeanor of this woman or others. Someone that is loyal and enthusiastic about me but also me about her. But that has NEVER happened me whole life. It's usually unrequited love on one side or the other.
If you really like this person, but maybe think she'd look better with a makeover, maybe find a way to pay for her to have a makeover. Try to do it in a positive way somehow and maybe that'll help the attraction. If this is not feasible, then just stay platonic at most.
If she asks why, just tell her personal, superficial quirky reasons that are not appropriate for your to discuss. She deserves an answer, but doesn't need to know specifically for something so superficial.
I would have to have the self esteem of an ant to not be offended at any man who'd ask me to have a make over to hopefully improve the likelihood of attraction. Lordy. Eliza Doolittle is a fictional character you know.
I want the beauty of my ex with the demeanor of this woman or others. Someone that is loyal and enthusiastic about me but also me about her. But that has NEVER happened me whole life. It's usually unrequited love on one side or the other.
Um, I DO understand.
EVERYONE wants that. You need to take a hard, honest look at your own reality and adjust your expectations.
And now you know that there's a reason someone with your ex's "beauty" was available to you. Turns out she was NOT actually the total package. Either way, you're crapping on this nice woman because you don't have your head on straight.
EVERYONE wants that. You need to take a hard, honest look at your own reality and adjust your expectations.
And now you know that there's a reason someone with your ex's "beauty" was available to you. Turns out she was NOT actually the total package. Either way, you're crapping on this nice woman because you don't have your head on straight.
No I'm not because I haven't said anything to her, so all's well in the neighborhood. Just thinking through the thought process.
No I'm not because I haven't said anything to her, so all's well in the neighborhood.
You don't have to SAY anything to be dishonest.
If you are letting her believe that you are right there with her in terms of feelings and approach to the relationship, just going along because it's nice to have someone to talk to and go out with, then you're being dishonest.
You KNOW you are or you wouldn't have started the thread.
You're afraid to be honest with women because you think it helps you control the situation.
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