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Wow indeed. Speaking emotional truths caused such an intense reaction for you that you actually got sick...that's pretty significant stuff, man. Was it anxiety?
Sometimes I wonder if a man like you has spent time focusing on superficial thinking, in an effort to avoid digging deep and working on personal truths. Is the kind of self-examination and self-awareness you are engaging in here a reasonably new thing in your life?
I kinda think that you should be proud for doing this, given how challenging it clearly was for you. Personal growth of any kind, including into new forms of authenticity, is often very uncomfortable. And yet it still makes us MORE than we were before we attempted it.
I'm curious as to what you said and how she reacted, feel free to share more if you want to.
This was a very weird reaction. My stomach is usually made of steel, I eat lots of spicy food and never get nausea.
I usually do everything I can to lure a woman, pretending to be whatever she wants, then I slowly become who I am. This was an act of self preservation. When I was younger, I was "who I was" and it wasn't received well so I slowly learned "the game". I've never veered most of my life from my learned behavior.
However, I'm tired of the results it produces. I got a model but I had to sacrifice almost everything that I was and I didn't want it again.
This was very strange because by exposing my feelings I felt very weak and vulnerable and I started getting a horrible nausea build that I couldn't control, then I puked my guts out in the bathroom.
Well I told her that the meal didn't sit well with me and got a piece of gum and breath mint from the server. I think I smelled like vomit so there was not "hiding" it.
She was not surprised, she said "let's go outside for some fresh air, it might help" so we sat on the patio, which did help the nausea. I just explained my feelings and then we talked about my previous relationship.
She was very helpful and such and didn't judge. We kind of both agreed that I was not ready emotionally for a new relationship.
So you told her all about the last woman being more attractive AND she had to listen to your relationship woes...all the while smelling vomit on you?
C'mon now she's not a therapist. You should NOT have put her through that.
This was a very weird reaction. My stomach is usually made of steel, I eat lots of spicy food and never get nausea.
I usually do everything I can to lure a woman, pretending to be whatever she wants, then I slowly become who I am. This was an act of self preservation. When I was younger, I was "who I was" and it wasn't received well so I slowly learned "the game". I've never veered most of my life from my learned behavior.
However, I'm tired of the results it produces. I got a model but I had to sacrifice almost everything that I was and I didn't want it again.
This was very strange because by exposing my feelings I felt very weak and vulnerable and I started getting a horrible nausea build that I couldn't control, then I puked my guts out in the bathroom.
Vulnerability is one of the cornerstones of true intimacy, and building a lasting relationship with real compatibility and deep connection often requires it. I am so sorry that you had experienced that made you feel forced to adapt a facade and hide your real self. It sucks mightily to not be able to be authentic, or to feel that no one would accept you if you were.
Think of your younger self as a survivor, you adapted to what felt like a hostile environment, with protective armor and camo. But now you are looking for the real thing...and love should not be war. Our closest relationships should be the one place we can be our truest selves, and be loved for it. "Warts and all" as they say. Because you aren't opponents, you are on the same team.
The only changes that someone should make, in my opinion, in the quest for love, are changes made mainly for the purpose of fulfillment. Being your own best self. A you, that you can be proud of. Genuine things, not camouflage. It ain't easy, but my god is it rewarding.
Best wishes, cBach. It sounds like your feet are on the right path.
That was a very nice post, but unfortunately this ^^ is not accurate at all.
The OP, like many of us, has some emotional deficiencies, and he was trying to make up for those by dating a person who was beautiful to him on the outside but was devoid of meaning and any ability to reciprocate.
Now he's at it again and looking for the next best thing, finding fault in her without bothering to look inward himself.
I find it fascinating that I can now see him as slightly more narcissistic, instead of applauding. I mean who says she wasn’t doing the exact same thing. maybe she was only pretending to be interested in him the whole while wishing she could develop some sort of feelings too. I can just never really have much empathy for people who go around thinking they’re letting people down, disappointing them, that they don’t get to be their one and only.
I wish the woman would’ve told you, OP: “You know I really tried to be interested in you ...even acted like it, but now there’s this barfy odor that I just really can’t deal with. I want to put this out there: I’m just not feeling it.”
So you can get over yourself!
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