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I recently broke up with someone I was with for several years. At the end it was a terrible relationship and I feel like I was mistreated in many ways so I "fell out of love" with him.
Sort of out of the blue, I met someone else who lives a bit of a distance (100 miles). He seems to be what I've been looking for - very kind, funny, financially established (like me), attractive, etc. But of course I remain somewhat skeptical since I learned from my 2 prior relationships that things are not what they seem to be (and I'm fairly perceptive).
He came to see me last weekend and it was great...he seems to be smitten with me but again, I'm sort of jaded at this point but I do really want to believe he is very interested in me despite the distance. He works part time so we can see each other probably almost every weekend but I've had a LDR before and it takes a lot of effort for both people to keep the relationship growing. Of course, I can see in a few years that neither of us will be beholden to our residences since we are both almost retirement age.
Should I tell him I am concerned about distance or hold off and see what happens? I just don't want to lead him on or waste either of our time. Like I said above, a prior relationship was long distance and (90 miles) and he led me on for more than a year before I realized he really had no intention to move with me closer nor was he willing to work any less than almost 6 days a week even for a serious relationship even though he was retirement age and worked for himself.
You didn't say where you lived, but 100 miles is a lot of distance and it sounds like you have spent that much time dating. Yes this guy seems like a perfectly decent person, but there are a lot of decent people many of whom likely live a lot closer than a hundred miles away. If you live in Alaska or maybe the middle of Nevada, then maybe you really do need to commute a hundred miles to find a guy, but absent you living a real rural part of the country without many people, I would spend some more time looking for someone closer to home.
Sure, I think you should talk about it. You have no way of knowing whether he wants to move, whether you want to move, etc. etc. if you don't ask. You said you don't want to waste time, but you will if you don't bother for a long time to even find out whether you're on the same page.
1. Take things slow and tell him your distance concerns. Who knows he may feel the same and its best to just tell him what is on your mind. Don't be afraid to ask him some very personal questions and have deep conversation. You might just find more clarity. To be honest Id never take things too deep with someone Ive never seen angry.. Not that you'd want to make him mad (thats mean) but by life circumstance. There are too many people in this world who cant control their anger and you dont want to end up in a bad scenerio. Your right for being weary of someone you dont know too well.. so maybe take things nice and slow.. which seems like maybe you are. Also, maybe this does/doesn't apply but think about praying on it. God can give clarity and wisdom in tough choices.
2. If your refering to moving fast simply by stating that your fresh out of a relationship I wouldnt necessarily say that. I met my husband 6 weeks after a rough breakup of a 3 yr long relationship and I thank the Lord everyday for him. Hes a great husband. Its really about the person, not about having been single for a certain timeframe.
3. Although this may be hard, perhaps you may need more time before dating again? With only knowing a sliver of your story, I say this 100% because you talk about being skeptic to trust. Its never good to be with someone and not give them your all. I mean.. just because someone in the past treated you bad doesnt mean you should at all in any way let that affect how you treat this man (not that you are). A new relationship needs to be 100% fresh. But if your able to not let anyone in the past interfere with this relationship then maybe this would be a good way to heal as well as having a great friend/partner?
Whatever you choose I wish you the best! LDR are tough either way. Make sure its with someone who is worth your time and effort!
I don't know, but I continue to be glad to hear that you've really left the last boyfriend behind. I expected that you would go back to him. Glad you can now truly see it for what it was.
As to the new guy, there's no need to rush into this conversation, but at some point you should have a casual conversation about the prospects of this LDR. In the meantime, have some fun with it. Enjoy dating a man who can pay for dates as well as you can.
I recently broke up with someone I was with for several years. At the end it was a terrible relationship and I feel like I was mistreated in many ways so I "fell out of love" with him.
Sort of out of the blue, I met someone else who lives a bit of a distance (100 miles). He seems to be what I've been looking for - very kind, funny, financially established (like me), attractive, etc. But of course I remain somewhat skeptical since I learned from my 2 prior relationships that things are not what they seem to be (and I'm fairly perceptive).
He came to see me last weekend and it was great...he seems to be smitten with me but again, I'm sort of jaded at this point but I do really want to believe he is very interested in me despite the distance. He works part time so we can see each other probably almost every weekend but I've had a LDR before and it takes a lot of effort for both people to keep the relationship growing. Of course, I can see in a few years that neither of us will be beholden to our residences since we are both almost retirement age.
Should I tell him I am concerned about distance or hold off and see what happens? I just don't want to lead him on or waste either of our time. Like I said above, a prior relationship was long distance and (90 miles) and he led me on for more than a year before I realized he really had no intention to move with me closer nor was he willing to work any less than almost 6 days a week even for a serious relationship even though he was retirement age and worked for himself.
Thoughts are appreciated.
Give him and you time, maybe three months, and determine where both of you are with the way things are going. Probably neither of you know what you want from each other, after one or two weekend dates. Have fun getting to know each other.
I am dealing with the same issue that you had with a man who is of retirement age but works 6 1/2 days a week for his business. He has promised change in his work schedule and has asked me to be patient with his timeline. I am doing that and ready to call it quits if he doesn't make some changes. I don't expect complete retirement, but 6 1/2 days a week at retirement age is a bit much when he doesn't have to work. I do love him, but reality is reality.
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