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Old 10-08-2019, 01:05 PM
 
Location: So Cal
52,006 posts, read 52,457,444 times
Reputation: 52520

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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Get used to it.

(As an aside, I did meet a Crip online. It was a great experience and sadly had to end.)


Actual answer to actual thread topic you say? What a marvelous idea!
My personal preference, which is based on my experiences and "skillset" would be: A couple of messages, a minimum of 5 texts, 1 inperson public place meeting for a few hours, a couple more messages or phone call, then I'm secure to meet alone.
Thanks for having me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlj1225 View Post
I'm guilty.

Here's my answer (for what its worth)… If I started talking to them online, I will message for a couple of days, then text and call for a few days, then arrange a meet up in a public place. I will meet him at that place and tell a family member or a good friend where I am meeting him. How fast I meet up with him depends on how much I get to know about him during the texts and calls and my comfort level.

As far as being alone? I go by how well I have gotten to know him and my instincts.

The key is to take precautions and be as safe as you possibly can.
I guess based on the two above posts that it's a small-ish amount of time, more gut checking. I think the whole public place deal is good. That seems smarter. Letting someone know that you're out with a "new" person might be a good thing to do as well. I've been out of the market a good long while now and haven't enjoyed the "pleasure" of online dating. Back when it seemed more organic and I would just bump into people at events, bars, friends of a friend type things. It to me seems like there isn't any stigma at all with online dating, but back in the day you had personal ads, but for me at that time it seemed like it didn't have the same widespread acceptance. Just from what I recall. I never did that either, but really what is the difference other than the medium?

Quote:
Originally Posted by blondiel View Post
When online, I always meet at a public place of my choice. No meeting halfway if there is distance. I judge when to meet alone with him based on my gut feeling and how much we have talked and what he volunteers to share. I use his information to do a background check. If what he has told me checks out and there is no criminal history, including lots of traffic tickets, I am comfortable meeting alone usually on the third or fourth date. This has worked for me. There has been only one person with blue collar criminal history, whom I ceased contact before meeting. I have never received sex pics or felt pressured for sex. I am senior who date men in my age range, so it may make it easier after the background check. My thoughts are if he has remained criminal free and has reached senior status, he probably is not trying to go to jail at this point in his life.
Background checks? I guess you don't mess around. You're logic about men in your age group making it to the later years without much problems seems logical that they ain't about to turn into a serial rapist, but I suppose you never know.
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Old 10-08-2019, 01:19 PM
 
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,539,757 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by blondiel View Post
When online, I always meet at a public place of my choice. No meeting halfway if there is distance. I judge when to meet alone with him based on my gut feeling and how much we have talked and what he volunteers to share. I use his information to do a background check. If what he has told me checks out and there is no criminal history, including lots of traffic tickets, I am comfortable meeting alone usually on the third or fourth date. This has worked for me. There has been only one person with blue collar criminal history, whom I ceased contact before meeting. I have never received sex pics or felt pressured for sex. I am senior who date men in my age range, so it may make it easier after the background check. My thoughts are if he has remained criminal free and has reached senior status, he probably is not trying to go to jail at this point in his life.






This is really it.....you have to be comfortable with the information he has given you....verified it.....& comfortable with his personality & how the relationship is going too.....& that amount of time might be different for me than you......& different for someone else.....

Some guys we kinda click with right away....others may not seem “right” in their answers or they are off in the head or their opinions....trust your instincts & intuition....all kinds of little things that can send off red flags! There are creeps everywhere! Talk...talk..talk...exchange lots of pictures....have him add you as a friend on any social media....you can’t learn too much IMO....& the more patient he is about it.....the more he passes the test for a rl meeting or date. If he acts like you should trust everything he says just because he said it....run...fast...

Ita that by the 3rd or 4th date....meeting alone is probably going to be Ok....& if he knows your mom & sister have his information & your family will hunt him down if you disappear.....like I told my Bf when we met....laughs.....that helps......

Last edited by TashaPosh; 10-08-2019 at 01:27 PM..
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Old 10-08-2019, 01:44 PM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,842,316 times
Reputation: 17884
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Talk...talk..talk...exchange lots of pictures....have him add you as a friend on any social media....
These 2 things, are a definite no for me before meeting.
No adding on Social Media, no 'lots and lots of pictures'. I need to meet the guy first. I'm tired of the constant request of pics "just to make sure you're not a bot or a scam" I now advise, "Let's just meet and you'll know, you already saw my pictures."

Then some will continue to send pics, and ask: "What do you think? Click twice to give thumbs up or down." (feature on iphone). I tell them lets just meet, I'm busy right now.

I know women have a reason to be wary of their safety, but men seem to be equally as frightened of meeting a fat girl, or an ugly women. FINE I say, I have no security deposit to get back either, lets just meet for chrissakes! I may be a fat liar, you may be a pushy pervert.

I can't tell if this is happening more, or irritating me more.
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Old 10-08-2019, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
ok...but the people that don’t get it also are usually older & had the internet taught to them at an older age....didn’t mean any harm or to offend.....ita there are websites for older people to meet too....

The internet is more second nature to us.......in how we meet friends or date or do anything IMO. Even in high school we would meet friends from other schools all the time.....

I’m sorry if you were offended tho......
I wasn't offended. I just don't like misinformation.

The internet is not any more germane to your particular age group. Merely being born in a certain decade doesn't make you better at it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post

... no 'lots and lots of pictures'. I need to meet the guy first.
Agree completely.

Photos only tell part of the story. You have to see a person, how they move, mannerisms, hear their voice, etc to get any idea of what it's like to be around them a lot.
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Old 10-08-2019, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Moreno Valley, Ca
4,038 posts, read 2,698,457 times
Reputation: 8479
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
This is really it.....you have to be comfortable with the information he has given you....verified it.....& comfortable with his personality & how the relationship is going too.....& that amount of time might be different for me than you......& different for someone else.....

Some guys we kinda click with right away....others may not seem “right” in their answers or they are off in the head or their opinions....trust your instincts & intuition....all kinds of little things that can send off red flags! There are creeps everywhere! Talk...talk..talk...exchange lots of pictures....have him add you as a friend on any social media....you can’t learn too much IMO....& the more patient he is about it.....the more he passes the test for a rl meeting or date. If he acts like you should trust everything he says just because he said it....run...fast...

Ita that by the 3rd or 4th date....meeting alone is probably going to be Ok....& if he knows your mom & sister have his information & your family will hunt him down if you disappear.....like I told my Bf when we met....laughs.....that helps......
It is a no for me on the social media. That is for friends a family ONLY. And I'm not sending a bunch of pics either.
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Old 10-08-2019, 02:17 PM
 
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,539,757 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I wasn't offended. I just don't like misinformation.

The internet is not any more germane to your particular age group. Merely being born in a certain decade doesn't make you better at it.



Agree completely.

Photos only tell part of the story. You have to see a person, how they move, mannerisms, hear their voice, etc to get any idea of what it's like to be around them a lot.


I apologized in an earlier post & only said that older people didn’t grow up with the internet & learned it later.....so that *some* are not as comfortable about meeting people online or dating or watching Nev & Max.....it’s not an insult...it’s just a fact that older people didn’t grow up on the internet using it for the same kinda stuff we did....shrugs....I dunno why you keep on about it....A N D.. lots of older people were married by the time of the internet & never dated online.....they just hear some of the negative stories.....

Ita you have to see a guy in person & get to know him that way too...but you have to verify him 1st & make sure you even want to meet him in person & through pictures...voice....FaceTiming.....& sharing conversations you do that....so that’s how you get comfortable with the idea of meeting the man...& when it’s Ok to meet alone...like the O.P. wanted to know....but that’s for any dating.
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Old 10-08-2019, 02:18 PM
 
Location: So Cal
19,261 posts, read 15,146,341 times
Reputation: 20253
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
These 2 things, are a definite no for me before meeting.
No adding on Social Media, no 'lots and lots of pictures'. I need to meet the guy first. I'm tired of the constant request of pics "just to make sure you're not a bot or a scam" I now advise, "Let's just meet and you'll know, you already saw my pictures."

Then some will continue to send pics, and ask: "What do you think? Click twice to give thumbs up or down." (feature on iphone). I tell them lets just meet, I'm busy right now.

I know women have a reason to be wary of their safety, but men seem to be equally as frightened of meeting a fat girl, or an ugly women. FINE I say, I have no security deposit to get back either, lets just meet for chrissakes! I may be a fat liar, you may be a pushy pervert.

I can't tell if this is happening more, or irritating me more.
Made me snicker out loud.
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Old 10-08-2019, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,325 posts, read 14,547,380 times
Reputation: 39258
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
These 2 things, are a definite no for me before meeting.
No adding on Social Media, no 'lots and lots of pictures'. I need to meet the guy first. I'm tired of the constant request of pics "just to make sure you're not a bot or a scam" I now advise, "Let's just meet and you'll know, you already saw my pictures."

Then some will continue to send pics, and ask: "What do you think? Click twice to give thumbs up or down." (feature on iphone). I tell them lets just meet, I'm busy right now.

I know women have a reason to be wary of their safety, but men seem to be equally as frightened of meeting a fat girl, or an ugly women. FINE I say, I have no security deposit to get back either, lets just meet for chrissakes! I may be a fat liar, you may be a pushy pervert.

I can't tell if this is happening more, or irritating me more.
Oh for sure. I wouldn't exchange phone numbers before meeting in person, or connect on social media, or on any other site or platform but the dating app. I always had a feeling if a guy wanted to take it off-site that he was moments away from either showing me his junk or requesting nudes. And it's not like I'm some kind of selfie-obsessed Instagram model. I don't think I even have "lots and lots" of pics. I'm not going to suddenly develop a fetish for taking them, either.

Agree, what on earth is the harm in meeting in person? It'll be in a public place, I'll pay my own way... "Wasting his time?" Like really what other thing were you gonna be doing that was so important? Am I pulling you away from a multi-million dollar deal or the brink of a cancer cure or something? My time has value, too. Sheesh!

But another thing I've realized, is when I said no to going on Snapchat or "kik" (whatever that even is?) or giving out my phone number, if a guy did not want to gracefully accept my no answer, that tells me that he doesn't respect other people's boundaries, and that's a problem. I do not need to be talked into seeing things his way. I don't care. I had my own rules for how I conducted my dating life, I wasn't trying to tell Mr. Man he needed to change his preferences, but he damn sure better respect mine.
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Old 10-08-2019, 02:26 PM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,842,316 times
Reputation: 17884
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
through pictures...voice....FaceTiming.....& sharing conversations
This is particular to you and your needs. I don't want a lot of 'face-timing and sharing of pictures and voice' before I meet someone. It's not necessary, when we can just meet in person and either move on to the next step, or move along. I think in my experiences, this tons of communication and all means of visuals would tend to build up hope and expectations before the in person meeting. The other person gets the impression that you're really into them, if you keep engaging in this pseudo relationship.

For me, the sooner the better, no dragging it all out, just meet. Then you know if you can be alone.
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Old 10-08-2019, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,325 posts, read 14,547,380 times
Reputation: 39258
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
I apologized in an earlier post & only said that older people didn’t grow up with the internet & learned it later.....so that *some* are not as comfortable about meeting people online or dating or watching Nev & Max.....it’s not an insult...it’s just a fact that older people didn’t grow up on the internet using it for the same kinda stuff we did....shrugs....I dunno why you keep on about it....A N D.. lots of older people were married by the time of the internet & never dated online.....they just hear some of the negative stories.....

Ita you have to see a guy in person & get to know him that way too...but you have to verify him 1st & make sure you even want to meet him in person & through pictures...voice....FaceTiming.....& sharing conversations you do that....so that’s how you get comfortable with the idea of meeting the man...& when it’s Ok to meet alone...like the O.P. wanted to know....but that’s for any dating.
That's how YOU get comfortable with the idea of meeting the man.

Not all of us are into all that stuff. And it's not a matter of the scary, mysterious internet, other than the fact that some of us cling to the barest shreds of privacy we've got left what with Google and Facebook up our rear ends day and night... I make a conscious decision every time I let someone "in" to another layer of my world, and that includes my social media, my phone number, etc.

Also a reason I don't do phone calls is that I hate my own voice, like a lot of people, I've heard it recorded and it makes me wanna rip out my vocal cords because it sounds so different from how it sounds to me when I speak. It's got a certain tonal quality similar to Cher or Darlene from the show, Roseanne. So if I'm on the phone with someone I have never interacted face-to-face with, I feel weird and self conscious about it.
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