Quote:
Originally Posted by Al Joad
Move away from your in-laws. If your husband is unwilling, get a divorce.
It's extremely unhealthy to a marriage when one spouse's parents live in the same house or just down the road. Especially when they're the type that don't know how to butt out and mind their own business. Whenever conflict arises in the marriage, the parents take their kid's side and the other spouse feels ganged up on.
Do you have flexibility on where you move or is this an A/B choice between staying where you're at and moving to a specific location thousands of miles away? Because moving several hours away but still within a day's drive offers a good compromise with your husband. If he's not willing to entertain that idea because he can't live that far from mommy, he's not ready for marriage. Get a divorce.
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I agree..We're in couples counseling because of this. He is trying and making improvements. SLOW but steady..I am trying to keep an open mind and I feel that he is not really taking on a strong husband role because of his mom's constant influence and interference (they live above us--best part is..we freaking RENT from them..)
I have not been happy about this situation for years and once we got married and had babies (surprise..huge surprises lol) she became almost unbearable..Constant power struggle..Wants to be my kids mom and I'm pretty secure in myself but I was infuriated when she tried to play it off like "I think you have a problem with the special relationship I have with your son..I don't want you to be one of those daughter in laws who dislikes the MIL and thinks bad things about them.." My jaw just dropped..I was just like ready to explode..
How dare her be all these things and try to make me look bad. I am MANY things..impatient..moody even..but jealous/insecure..absolutely not. To me, it's petty energy..I'm too grown for it and always have been.
Husband has a good job and we continue to fight and not move because we cannot agree where to move..The counselor said she'd address this in a few weeks as we improve on our communication/resolution skills.
ALL of his suggestions are CLOSE TO HIS MOM..ultimately..
My parents live across the country..2,500+ miles away..I'd love to live where they are because it's gorgeous (SoCal) and we'd still have family to help..and my mom is absolutely NOT a factor in our marriage nor butts in where she shouldn't..However..I am open to just about ANYWHERE else that's best for us as a family.
My thing is..if he can move a 1-3 hours away..WHY can't he move further? WHY do we need to settle within hours of his mom?
I'm tired of the snow and being stuck inside during winters..and suffering seasonal depression..and I just do NOT need nor desire to base the rest of my life off of having to be within driving distance with his parents.
Things are NICE when his mom isn't around. I'm woman enough to not exclude her but she's just a big ass agitator in our relationship..and I don't feel a man can step into his manhood and develop into the husband he may even want to be when a helicopter mom is nearby.
I am willing to move somewhere neither of our families are..Because my priority is our marriage/kids.
We'd both love to have family only as childcare..but unless we move near my parents..that won't be a choice..and he struggles with that.
We won't have date nights and stuff..not nearly as often..but I feel like all the "good" she does do..comes with SOOOOO many strings attached and has not been worth it.
I rather sacrifice and not have as much "help" and have our own family and be our own team.
Again..if he can move 1-3 hours away..he'd have to find a new job..my Q to him is..why can't you find a new job in another nicer, cheaper, sunnier state that doesn't need to be within a drive (or even short plane ride) of your mom?
I just had our 2nd baby and just started working so I hope we head this direction..in 6 months..if not..I will give an ultimatum and divorce..only thing that stopped me from divorcing is that it would be a few more battles for custody AND to fight in court for me to relocate with our kids as I don't want to be stuck here in NYC
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