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Now I can't figure this one out. The 1st date was last friday, I went away for the weekend and contacted her on monday by text. And sent a text tonight asking how she is doing and her response was " I been sick". I sent three texts since the date ended on friday and she responded to all of them in less than one minute. All my contacts were every 3 days. Friday, Monday, and Tonight so Its not a situation where she would feel like she is being harassed. I was planning to ask her out this evening but sent a text first so I will just contact her next week. Or is this a "creative brush off?"
The only reason I can't figure it out because she responded to every text instantly. She also hasnt unmatched me from Bumble yet.
She went out with someone she likes more on Saturday and she is keeping you on the hook until she sees where that goes. In a day or three they'll do the dance with no pants and you'll get the "just not that into you" text or ghosted altogether.
after sleeping on it i believe you are right. Funny how none of the women i wasnt attracted to always seemed to escape the flu lol
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
You are being your own worse paranoid enemy. You have no reason to not believe her, yet you jump to the worst case scenario, that being, she is lying. Why? What benefit under the sun is there to believing she is lying? None. It's negative thinking. If that is your mindset with dating (going to the negative), you're going to be frustrated for eternity. Secondly, 3 connections is absolutely nothing. NOTHING. People often connect with scores of people before meeting someone they're interested in going out a second time. If three misses is discouraging you, its time to take a break and get good. Sheesh.
I got the flu early this year, and was sick for literally A MONTH. It morphed into a sinus infection. Absolute hell. My boyfriend got the same ick, and it became pneumonia for him. Seriously, the flu is no joke. (I did not have a flu shot, but he did, and he got sick first.) If I'd been a single, dating person, during that time, I would not have dated anybody either. But if luck had had it, that I had my phone in hand browsing Facebook or trying to just...blow time doing nothing strenuous while not sleeping, I'd have responded fast, too. I'd also be saying, "trust me, you don't want to catch this!" I would maybe be hoping to see a guy again once I recovered, but I'd also be understanding that he doesn't put his life on hold for me after one date, and if I lose my shot, I lose my shot with him. It happens, oh well, no big thing.
I actually did have a cold when I was dating, and I recall a man I'd been seeing made me really good chicken soup, and brought it to my apartment. He wore a face mask lol...I thought that was a super sweet gesture on his part. But we'd been going out a little longer, he knew where I lived. And he was one of those "Acts of Service" love languages guys, and also a foodie and a really good cook. So it was kinda his thing to do something like that.
Honestly, a super caring and cool thing to do, would be to ask if she needs anything, even if you said, "I don't want to get sick myself, but I can run some things by and leave them on your porch or something, if you need anything and I can save you a trip to the store...just let me know!" I mean, if you were willing to do something like that. You are not obligated in the slightest.
I can relate to why you might not believe her. Similar situation for me except we haven't met yet. After I got this woman's number (2 weeks ago) we texted and eventually talked on the phone. The first weekend she was "working" all weekend, then last weekend she canceled our date because she "wasn't feeling well". My cynical side called BS, but I didn't indicate I didn't believe her. However, her actions speak loudly. Didn't take my call earlier this week and hasn't suggested a time to reschedule. I think it should be up to her. All that to say, makes sense you wouldn't believe this woman. I've been burned so much, I don't believe anything until after I've been on a few dates at least.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
When I read this stuff on this forum I literally want to bang my, or someone else's head, against the wall.
Think people, think.
What benefit can there be to be to go to the negative or believing they aren't being honest? What in the world positive can come from that?
Nothing positive can come from that. It's a cynical negative viewpoint that only breeds more negativity and cynicism, two traits that will scuttle a great match when it does happen. It's of no benefit.
Whether she is lying or not is actually irrelevant. It doesn't change one little bit your course of action. You say, like any decent person would, something along the lines of "I'm sorry you're not feeling well, I hope you feel better soon. When you do feel better, let me know if you'd like to get together again," and move on with life. No more thought has to be given. Really simple.
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