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Old 10-19-2019, 09:41 AM
Location: Texas
13,480 posts, read 8,380,774 times
Reputation: 25948


Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
I would avoid going to an evangelical church unless you already know the pastor well... some of them will encourage an emotionally abused wife to stick with her husband because she's not being beaten and my unsolicited opinion is that you don't need to hear that right now.)
Pretty much the truth.
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Old 10-19-2019, 09:48 AM
Location: Las Vegas
14,229 posts, read 30,031,639 times
Reputation: 27689
Dump this loser and his family. They are all taking advantage of you.
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Old 10-19-2019, 12:17 PM
5,295 posts, read 5,237,430 times
Reputation: 18659
Absolute victim mentality. Probably in some perverse way it makes her feel like she's needed. Without that pull on her, she would feel like no one loved her.

She doesnt have to do anything. She wants to.
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Old 10-19-2019, 12:34 PM
22,278 posts, read 21,725,695 times
Reputation: 54735
I don't think it is physically possible to smoke $1,200 a month in weed.
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Old 10-19-2019, 12:42 PM
6,844 posts, read 3,959,283 times
Reputation: 15859
Learn to say no. Disconnect your cable and netflix and cellphones. Buy yourself a trackfone and pay as you go. Ours costs about $8 a month. Don't pay his traffic tickets. Buy frozen food and you can each microwave your own meals. Don't wash his laundry. Let him work for and buy his own weed. If you can't do that, you can't fix it.
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
I'm pretty sure the OP realizes she can leave her husband. I think she wants to know how to fix this problem without leaving her husband.
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Old 10-19-2019, 12:50 PM
Location: State of Transition
102,210 posts, read 107,883,295 times
Reputation: 116153
OP, you don't have to pay everyone's way, and you don't have to buy meat for everyone. Pay for only what you want to pay for. If you buy meat for the two of you, and he gives some away without telling you, tell him the meat wagon rolled on past for the week/month/whatever, so he'll have to wait until next time it comes by.

Quit writing checks you don't want to write. Cancel the Netflix and cable for now. Tough love. You can buy or rent a few videos in the meantime. You might be surprised; some towns/cities have killer video libraries--some are independent businesses, others are attached to the public library system. They have amazing stuff! You can also watch films on Youtube.

Good luck.
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Old 10-20-2019, 07:19 AM
Location: Colorado Springs
15,218 posts, read 10,312,234 times
Reputation: 32198
OP - what are YOU getting out of this marriage? Do you have kids? Is he that great in bed that you are willing to put up with his nonsense? I would have been gone a long time ago.
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Old 10-20-2019, 07:51 AM
Location: In an indoor space
7,685 posts, read 6,195,293 times
Reputation: 5154
Originally Posted by nctrailertrash View Post
Some of y'all might remember me from my post from a few months ago. We lost our (owned) home, mostly because of my husband's drug addiction. We were almost homeless. I ended up being able to buy a mobile home in cash, and we found a great landlord to rent a lot from. We are "stable," as "stable" as we can be at this point.

Anyway, so, as I said in that same post...I actually make pretty good money. About $1,000 a week. My husband has done coke/crack for the vast majority of our 10 year relationship. He has been clean for about 5-6 months, though. And he really has been.

But, he still "has to have" about $1200 a month in weed.

That's not all. Not only do I pay for me and my husband's cell phones, but I now pay for his brother's (who is homeless by choice in Florida) and his grandma's (who raised him, is in her 70s and lives off of Social Security) cell phones.

He gives our Netflix password to EVERYONE. Including his sister, who actually lives in a half-million-dollar house.

We have cable, and he gives our Suddenlink password to his grandma, brother, etc. so that they can log into the HBO app, etc. and watch.

He gets REALLY mad when I ask him why he gives our passwords to everybody or why I have to pay everyone's way. Or like...we had a discussion about buying 1/4 or 1/2 cow meat from a local farmer. He was talking about how we could give some to his sister, his grandma, blah blah.

But why DO I have to pay for everyone? I have to pay for my husband's speeding tickets and his child support. I have to pay for his weed. Thousands of dollars of my money has gone to his dope habit. I have to support his entire family, too?

HOW did my life end up this way? WHY do I have to take care of everyone all the time? I am losing my freaking mind here. I was raised by my mom, who was abused by my dad, to make my own money so I'd never have to depend on a man.

But I feel like I get intimidated and stomped all over the same way.

I get fussed at about dishes or laundry just like my mom did. Worse, actually. My dad just kinda expected clean clothes and hot food. I don't remember him being picky about food or fussy about stuff. And at least he DID work all day and provided for our family.

My husband is SUPER fussy and complains ALL the time about EVERYTHING. He doesn't like my square white bowls because they're too annoying to eat cereal or soup from. He doesn't like our silverware because it's too flimsy. He doesn't like chicken or turkey except in VERY specific situations. He will NOT eat leftovers.

He complains about how i do laundry or dishes. How/when I cook.

I mean, he's the one who hasn't worked since like 2012. It doesn't even matter. And now I apparently have to pay for everyone's cell phone and cable...and meat? and everything. wtf. And get fussed at like I'm a housewife who doesn't do her chores well enough?? wtf

"HOW did my life end up this way?"

In Kind: You initially went for the bad boy!

(Drops Mike)
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Old 10-20-2019, 08:27 AM
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,935,627 times
Reputation: 98359
Originally Posted by atgss View Post

(Drops Mike)
Aw, what did Mike ever do to you?
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Old 10-21-2019, 06:54 AM
14,294 posts, read 13,187,604 times
Reputation: 17797
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Aw, what did Mike ever do to you?
Birdie. Are you aware that keyboards cost money? And that when is surprised by a wicked laugh that spraying coffee into your keyboard tends to cause your keyboard to fail? Watch yourself! /s

That was so funny, I did literally snarf coffee.
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