Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-18-2019, 01:00 AM
 
79 posts, read 68,124 times
Reputation: 368

Advertisements

Some of y'all might remember me from my post from a few months ago. We lost our (owned) home, mostly because of my husband's drug addiction. We were almost homeless. I ended up being able to buy a mobile home in cash, and we found a great landlord to rent a lot from. We are "stable," as "stable" as we can be at this point.

Anyway, so, as I said in that same post...I actually make pretty good money. About $1,000 a week. My husband has done coke/crack for the vast majority of our 10 year relationship. He has been clean for about 5-6 months, though. And he really has been.

But, he still "has to have" about $1200 a month in weed.

That's not all. Not only do I pay for me and my husband's cell phones, but I now pay for his brother's (who is homeless by choice in Florida) and his grandma's (who raised him, is in her 70s and lives off of Social Security) cell phones.

He gives our Netflix password to EVERYONE. Including his sister, who actually lives in a half-million-dollar house.

We have cable, and he gives our Suddenlink password to his grandma, brother, etc. so that they can log into the HBO app, etc. and watch.

He gets REALLY mad when I ask him why he gives our passwords to everybody or why I have to pay everyone's way. Or like...we had a discussion about buying 1/4 or 1/2 cow meat from a local farmer. He was talking about how we could give some to his sister, his grandma, blah blah.

But why DO I have to pay for everyone? I have to pay for my husband's speeding tickets and his child support. I have to pay for his weed. Thousands of dollars of my money has gone to his dope habit. I have to support his entire family, too?

HOW did my life end up this way? WHY do I have to take care of everyone all the time? I am losing my freaking mind here. I was raised by my mom, who was abused by my dad, to make my own money so I'd never have to depend on a man.

But I feel like I get intimidated and stomped all over the same way.

I get fussed at about dishes or laundry just like my mom did. Worse, actually. My dad just kinda expected clean clothes and hot food. I don't remember him being picky about food or fussy about stuff. And at least he DID work all day and provided for our family.

My husband is SUPER fussy and complains ALL the time about EVERYTHING. He doesn't like my square white bowls because they're too annoying to eat cereal or soup from. He doesn't like our silverware because it's too flimsy. He doesn't like chicken or turkey except in VERY specific situations. He will NOT eat leftovers.

He complains about how i do laundry or dishes. How/when I cook.

I mean, he's the one who hasn't worked since like 2012. It doesn't even matter. And now I apparently have to pay for everyone's cell phone and cable...and meat? and everything. wtf. And get fussed at like I'm a housewife who doesn't do her chores well enough?? wtf

Last edited by nctrailertrash; 10-18-2019 at 01:29 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-18-2019, 02:29 AM
 
Location: Fuquay Varina
6,446 posts, read 9,803,501 times
Reputation: 18349
Why are you still there through all of that? I would have been long gone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2019, 04:19 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,943,603 times
Reputation: 15256
First off, you don’t have to do any of those things. You evidently choose to.

You need to leave this dead beat. Get an apartment. Leave.

Don’t let people use you like a doormat.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2019, 05:04 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
30,486 posts, read 16,198,344 times
Reputation: 44352
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
First off, you don’t have to do any of those things. You evidently choose to.

You need to leave this dead beat. Get an apartment. Leave.

Don’t let people use you like a doormat.
yup.

If you act like a doormat don't complain about getting stepped on.


Leave.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2019, 05:11 AM
 
16,414 posts, read 12,487,571 times
Reputation: 59601
Step one ... find your backbone.

Then open your own bank account. Don’t give him any access to the account. Paychecks go to that account; bills are paid from that account. Change all Netflix and cable passwords and don’t share the new passwords with him. Cancel phones. Stop paying speeding tickets and child support. If he goes to jail, that’s the consequences. If he wants a say in how the money is spent, or wants his drug habit funded, he can get a job.

(The only thing I *might* consider paying is the grandma’s phone, especially if she is in poor health. But I’d give her a timeframe to make arrangements for her own phone. Look into Consumer Cellular for her. Super cheap and geared toward seniors.)

Last edited by hertfordshire; 10-18-2019 at 05:21 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2019, 05:18 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
50,330 posts, read 63,906,560 times
Reputation: 93257
I can’t believe you didn’t make this up. Nobody could be that clueless.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2019, 06:46 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,901,366 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by nctrailertrash View Post

But why DO I have to pay for everyone?
You don't.

Stop doing it.

Get out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2019, 07:19 AM
 
Location: Under the Milky Way
1,295 posts, read 1,182,696 times
Reputation: 5283
What exactly do you see in this guy? He sounds like a huge millstone that you're dragging through life.

You teach people how to treat you. You've taught him that you are a pushover cash cow for him, and now for his family as well. Not sure why you're here whining about it if you aren't going to stop putting up with such treatment. *shrug*
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2019, 07:25 AM
 
12,831 posts, read 9,029,433 times
Reputation: 34873
Lawyer up and tell him goodbye.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2019, 07:30 AM
 
1,914 posts, read 2,241,772 times
Reputation: 14573
Why are you still with him? He will not change. You cannot make him change. This is what your life is going to be like unless you get up, pack up, and leave. Find a lawyer. File for divorce. Leave. This is not fixable.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:20 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top