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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
So do people who own televisions, eat at Applebee's, or god forbid watch TV while eating at Applebee's, really deserve to be yelled at because they bore you? Because they're not your people? I find that baffling.
Yelled at? No. No one said nor implied that it is ok to yell at them. Did they? Nope.
But if they're not my people they don't "deserve" a date and someone being perceived as dull is a perfectly fine reason to not go out with them,
Not everyone is going to like the same things. I don't see much of a problem with "keeping it light" myself. I mean, I am a wide range, myself. I can be (somewhat) light, but not Pollyanna and Disney (reputation) light.
That's the thing. You do you.
Quote:
I can also go full on "Joker" dark and talk about all the failings of society (and I believe society is failing both men and women and is only going to get worse, but that is a different topic all together).
If I were to choose, I'd choose someone who can handle both. Kinda interesting that I'm seeing kind of an allergic reaction of some sort to lightheartedness in dating when I usually hear complaints about things being too "dark" and "depressing".
I guess, you see light and dark on a range I don't. But if you were to choose, choose. That's the point. Or not. That is also the point. You do you.
Seriously, I've had dates (ones I accepted too fast) where people wanted to talk about television, sports, and family outings... and they "don't like talking about politics"... etc. YAWN. I'm sure that's fine for someone out there, but really? How is that interesting? Give me some substance. Show me your values. Effuse on your passions. Please.
Right? While I appreciated discussing favorite authors, filmmakers, and nerd/geek fandoms, passions, interests, I also very much appreciated substance and meaty issues. My profile invited these conversations and I included a lot of “meat” to fuel stimulating conversations. I wrote my profile to appeal to my type, my people, and it worked really well. I wasn’t attempting to cast a wide net and I had a very specific type. My husband received extra points for asking why I put “agnostic” in my profile vs. “atheist,” which led to an unexpected, yet welcomed, discussion on Aldous Huxley and epistemology and cosmology. He practically led with that question. It was obvious we both had a liking for these branches of philosophy. I already gleaned where he stood on many issues just from his profile and survey answers. There was enough substance to actually have enjoyable and stimulating conversations. It didn’t feel awkward, sterile, forced, or banal.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602
If I were to choose, I'd choose someone who can handle both. Kinda interesting that I'm seeing kind of an allergic reaction of some sort to lightheartedness in dating when I usually hear complaints about things being too "dark" and "depressing".
.
Balance is important. Sure. I've dated people (one just a couple of years ago) that doesn't do light. Ever. It was exhausting and no fun (outside of you know...).
But, keeping it all light at the beginning doesn't help me figure out if this is a person I might mesh with. There are dealbreakers out there, and best to get them out of the way. Of course, most people I've found can discuss both the failings of our society, the political changes that should be made, social issues, etc and do it in a way where we have a good intellectual rapport AND laugh and commiserate together while doing so.
Yelled at? No. No one said nor implied that it is ok to yell at them. Did they? Nope.
But if they're not my people they don't "deserve" a date and someone being perceived as dull is a perfectly fine reason to not go out with them,
That is where this line of conversation started. Someone was "offended" at dull being a reason not to go out with someone else. That is a REALLY good reason in my book.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
That is where this line of conversation started. Someone was "offended" at dull being a reason not to go out with someone else. That is a REALLY good reason in my book.
One of the best reasons.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
There was enough substance to actually have enjoyable conversations. It didn’t feel awkward, sterile, forced, or banal.
Exactly. See, you and I have very little in common as far as interests goes and in no way would make good partners in a romantic sense. At the same time, I feel you're closer to my people than not, and undoubtedly would have at least a fun and interesting, and to me, informative conservation if we went out. I'd rather have that (aka not a dull time) than tip toeing around the real issues / things of substance in this world because someone thinks things should be kept "light" at the outset.
So do people who own televisions, eat at Applebee's, or god forbid watch TV while eating at Applebee's, really deserve to be yelled at because they bore you? Because they're not your people? I find that baffling.
But no one is yelling at them? They’re just not a match. Just like the dude who collects guns, hunts, is a huge sports fan, etc., and wants to date a woman who matches him, wouldn’t find me to be his type and may think this or that about my interests and passions. *shrug*
We rarely visit traditional chain restaurants a la Applebee’s, but we do watch quite a bit of streaming TV and movies and many of them are closely tied to our interests in “meaty” issues. But I’m not above watching less intellectually stimulating programs.
I've long suspected that the people who can't get dates doing OLD are probably unattractive in some way. They are in the bottom of the dating barrel. They wouldn't be able to score in a bar either.
So they come here and say the OLD is for desperate people, losers, etc. and generally criticize anyone who dates this way. And they say stupid things like "it doesn't work". Doesn't work for who? It obviously works for some people. Just because it doesn't work for them doesn't mean it doesn't work for everyone.
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