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I am 30 years old and I am almost 4 years in a relationship with partner 20 years older then me. It would seem that an older guy can be smarter, financially better. However, this is not the case here ... my bf lost his business as a result of the economic crisis. It was 8 years ago and since then everything he has earned has spent or sent to daughters who are my age. Now he has debts of over 30,000 euros for not paying tax from a restaurant that has gone bankrupt. Some debt has already supposedly paid back 10,000 euros but it still has 20,000 to pay. Despite this, he didnt put aside any money and cannot manage it his fiances responsably. He bought a Porsche recently and got tickets for speeding, he leaves big tips in hotels ... Earlier, he lost few time several thousands on trading on forex. He claims that in 2 years he will pay back debts but with this approach to money, I don't know if to believe him. We went to Spain to see houses for sale for renovation because I want to buy with 20.000 euro cash that i saved. We want to have children as soon as the house is ready but I am beginning to worry about how my future will look like with him. I know he is a good father, he paid for his daughters tuition fees, he supported them constantly even when they were unemployed or even just to pay their holidays. They speak every day, they have children...I feel that time is running out. Now, after returning from Spain, when all the bills and fines came, he broke down completely. This was also the case last winter when he lost a lot of money on forex. He tells me that everything has fallen down on his head, he is tired, etc. I also told him that this house is too big, that it is good for a family and not for two people. There are so many rooms, nobody uses it and now there is a lot to pay for tax etc. We live in a very small village in England where there is no work for me, I work a little online but that's not enough so I can't share the cost of rent with him. Therefore I often go to various jobs with accomodation in other cities. He has his own gardening business, earns £ 150 a day, but he often doesn't have a job when the weather is bad. Now winter is coming and depression again ... we came to this place 3 years ago because here he has customers but for me there is nothing here. If we didnt love each other and had not the same goals, I would never come back here. He started paying the debts only from the end of last year ... I feel guilty, because maybe if I had paid the rent, he would have managed to pay it all back. On the other hand, I think that with his lack of money management skills, it would not matter, at least I have some savings to buy our house. However I wonder now, whether to take these savings and help him pay the debts. I don't think I can look objectively anymore. Please write what you think.
Keep your money, a looser is a looser, he is not changing his habits to reflect his lower income, please do not bail him out, it will be a big loss for you. Maybe you should move, alone, to a place where you can make better money.
Wanting to drive status cars is a huge red flag that someone may be financially irresponsible or more concerned with image than what's actually in their bank account. And no I didn't say that is ALWAYS true about everyone who drives a status car.
This man brings nothing but problems to the relationship. He will drag you down if you stay with him. I would advise you not to have children with him. Why would you want to link yourself to someone like this?
You need to get away from him as soon as possible. Please find yourself someone who is mature, financially and emotionally stable.
I think you paying his debts is an unbelievably foolish idea. He will simply run out and make more debts. Unless you have a 9 digit trust fund, he will outspend what you can pay. Please don't try.
I know he cares about what people think of him. He gives even presents to strangers, buy wines for neighbours, always give big tips and give money to those who beg on the streets. We took ride with his porsche in Spain and he was all the time enjoying when everyone stared at his car. He would buzz and smiled, its all about his ego.
However I know he is a good man by the way he treat others with kindness, everyday talking to his daughters. He is a great father and very intelligent person, with many skills. I think its just silly rather then intentionaly to cause harm to others. Its indeed irresponsible though...
I gave him money once for trading but he didnt ask me, he just encourage me is worth it. He lost 3000€i gave him and he paid back but took him a very long time and he was very upset when i tried to remind him. He lost nearly 10.000€ his own money but not at once, once in a while few thousands. He also buy me things and take me to restaurants sometimes but i really just want him out of debt. I dont expect anything else, how can i help him? He is so sad now, he said he might need to return porsche because of all the bills and tickets for speeding he said he cant afford it.
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