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It no world would it be appropriate for me to tell another person what they should or should not feel traumatic. For me, someone just coming up and hugging me is nothing. For another person, its crippling debilitating and traumatizing.
This reminds me of a common dismissal of feelings and experiences that another person has. "Oh she's just triggered." JUST triggered? What kind of "human being" dismisses triggering because .. oh well it is not real. She is just triggered.
If we get to a point where random men stop touching me in public, I will think #metoo has been successful. We’ve got a long way to go.
Just using your experience as an example, but men who don't do stuff like that seem put out that #Metoo and the discussions it engendered has cost them something. That's hard for me to understand. I treat women respectfully. I have no respect for men who don't. If that's a man's starting point, being respectful and expecting other men to be, I can't see what this discussion costs him.
What attention is desired? Is anyone saying here that women are inviting assault and harassment?
Assault...no...harassment? Define harassment? A flirtatious comment on Facebook could be taken either way. Depends on who it's coming from, the context, the delivery, etc. If it's being posted on social media...there's no way you can assault anyone, so we're left to the comments section.
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I am a damned good looking woman, or so I am told. I dress to look nice sometimes because I FEEL GOOD. ANd yes, I can be a bit smiley when someone who appeals to me notices. That is OK. That is FINE. There is no fairness doctrine that says I have to appreciate also the assault and harassment of anyone.
You much for posting your hotness all over social media?
Of course it can. But there is a dance to that as well. A feel. Which of course is going to vary from time, place, and person. Which takes basic awareness of the other person and what they're saying, especially saying non-verbally.
Are there times that's off between two people? Sure. On occasion. One hopes one feels that disconnect and lack of engagement instantly and reacts accordingly.
So timber, you hit on something that is common on this board. The notion that these failing date seekers don't get. In the core of their understanding (or lack thereof) of human interaction, the thing they seek is actually a human being. A person. With their own desires, likes, manners of expression. What they think they are seeking feels like a device. A thing. Someone to have at home when THEY get home. Someone to fill in things for THEM whether it is absence from loneliness, societal approval, sex, kids and a clean house... whatever. They cannot understand the dance because they can't understand that their partner in this dance is a PERSON. I often wonder what would happen if these men actually achieved a relationship? It would be a nightmare to be a fly on the wall for that parade of dysfunction.
Assault...no...harassment? Define harassment? A flirtatious comment on Facebook could be taken either way. Depends on who it's coming from, the context, the delivery, etc. If it's being posted on social media...there's no way you can assault anyone, so we're left to the comments section.
I don't need to. The law does. If you feel inclined to flirt on Facebook, then lord help you. I can't.
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You much for posting your hotness all over social media?
Would you call this social media? I don't care if you think I am a pretentious *****. I am too old for that ****. I am replying from the perspective of a person who gets a lot of unwanted attention. I am old enough, experienced enough to handle it. It buzzes around me like the freaking fruit flies I can't get rid of in my apartment since my daughter won't put away the fruit. I simply reject that notion that it is MY JOB to prevent this attention and make a check list for poor sops who think what *I* choose to wear has any damned thing to do about them and their choices.
Even Henry Cavill had his say on this....[url]https://www.theguardian.com/film/2018/jul/13/henry-cavill-criticised-metoo-comments[/url]
“It’s very difficult to do that if there are certain rules in place. Because then it’s like: ‘Well, I don’t want to go up and talk to her, because I’m going to be called a rapist or something.’”
There was a backlash to what he said...obviously.
The backlash is due to his mindset:
“Stuff has to change, absolutely,” Cavill said, before adding: “There’s something wonderful about a man chasing a woman … I think a woman should be wooed and chased, but maybe I’m old-fashioned for thinking that.”
Perhaps he misspoke, but the heart of that sentiment is that *he* thinks a woman should be wooed and chased, with no regard for what the woman, the object of his pursuit, may think. Supposed she initially finds him attractive but isn't into that love-bomby, rom com schmaltz? Does he keep chasing, or does he pay attention to her nonverbal cues (ie. boundaries)? The former could be borderline harassment, the latter is showing appropriate consideration another person.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,723,992 times
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Yes I’m a guy. The effect that #metoo has had on my dating life is......zero.
- I’ve always taken a woman at her word when she declined my advances and I leave them alone.
- I’ve always watched out for my female friends when we go out and they are getting unwanted attention. A lot of them have asked me to stick by close when we are in a bar or a club to ward off guys getting too close for comfort and not taking a hint. I’m happy to do so.
- Only a yes is a yes to me. Anything else is a no. Don’t know what’s so difficult about this concept.
It is not hard to stay out of the fray of #metoo as a guy if you weren’t so crappy to women to begin with.
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