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It sounds like he was nervous and was playing it safe by parroting you.
He might have also bought into the horrible dating advice that the man should defer 75% of the conversation to the woman.
That's actually the best dating advice for men to follow. The man should say less, and ask her the most questions. Several reasons. It lets her know he is interested in her, wants to know more about her, and that should be the case because he asked her out so he can find out more about her. Woman like the attention when someone is sincerely interested in them.
Also, the less he talks about himself the more mysterious he is and for her to find out who he is she will need to ask questions. If she asks questions this shows she has interest in him.
That said, the man should lead the talking but not focus it on himself or ask interview type questions. Ask FUN questions. The guy in the date with the OP was not leading the talk and that's what bothered her most. It wasn't he spoke just a little, it's that he was not leading the talk. It's up to the man to lead a date so it's relaxing, fun, romantic. It's his job to keep her comfortable. If it's too cold outside, then he suggests moving inside. If she's making all the convo happen, she's doing all the dating work. He needs to lead the convo in a way that's fun and comfortable for her. And not talk her head off, and not ask her too many questions. But letting her talk about 75% is good.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
That's actually the best dating advice for men to follow. The man should say less, and ask her the most questions. Several reasons. It lets her know he is interested in her, wants to know more about her, and that should be the case because he asked her out so he can find out more about her. Woman like the attention when someone is sincerely interested in them.
Also, the less he talks about himself the more mysterious he is and for her to find out who he is she will need to ask questions. If she asks questions this shows she has interest in him.
I agree with you on this, as general advice.
But the OP has stated quite clearly she wants a gut who speaks a lot about himself without being asked, and even that she really appreciates/admires Trump's type of speaking (which is, being polite, boisterous).
That's actually the best dating advice for men to follow. The man should say less, and ask her the most questions. Several reasons. It lets her know he is interested in her, wants to know more about her, and that should be the case because he asked her out so he can find out more about her. Woman like the attention when someone is sincerely interested in them.
Also, the less he talks about himself the more mysterious he is and for her to find out who he is she will need to ask questions. If she asks questions this shows she has interest in him.
That said, the man should lead the talking but not focus it on himself or ask interview type questions. Ask FUN questions. The guy in the date with the OP was not leading the talk and that's what bothered her most. It wasn't he spoke just a little, it's that he was not leading the talk. It's up to the man to lead a date so it's relaxing, fun, romantic. It's his job to keep her comfortable. If it's too cold outside, then he suggests moving inside. If she's making all the convo happen, she's doing all the dating work. He needs to lead the convo in a way that's fun and comfortable for her. And not talk her head off, and not ask her too many questions. But letting her talk about 75% is good.
This comes across as a little too game theoretic for my tastes.
I would advise: learn your dating partner and adapt accordingly within confines of being true to your own identity.
Thank you for all your answers. I finally agreed on having another date and will be having it tomorrow on Sunday. I did agree on a second date because I thought... well, don't judge too early and after all, I will lower my expectations. I will come back to your questions and let you know how the date will have been on Monday. The topic is not forgotten.
Thank you for all your answers. I finally agreed on having another date and will be having it tomorrow on Sunday. I did agree on a second date because I thought... well, don't judge too early and after all, I will lower my expectations. I will come back to your questions and let you know how the date will have been on Monday. The topic is not forgotten.
How was your date?
And can you please answer in which country you are?
Yeah, generally I don't find this works well. When I'm talking, I'm asking about her as I already know me and what I'm trying to learn about is her.
If this is indeed your pattern of speech, and not an artifact of translation, then yeah, it will turn a lot of people off. I seem to recall you posted you like men like Trump that are, by most standards, self important blowhards. If that's what you want in a guy, I suggest seeking narcissists. They'll talk about themselves nonstop.
i always like the look of avril lavigne, skater chick grungy type. OP if thats how you look like, lets go on a date
Hawk, I think it's in the nature of a few people on this message board to pick apart dialogue till the cows come home. I scrolled passed all that mess where they were trying to interpret whatever was being typed. Got off topic really.
and my grandmother was English, and she may have used some of the same syntax you use. Obviously an english speaker, but more formal than american English.
Lovely greetings to you granny. I really hope so 'cause it modelled upon purest British English and I think she wouldn't consider it as unnatural either.
As for our date yesterday:
There has been an improvement. He tried to be more involved in conversations and he even had plans what I appreciate much [that he took time to think in advance what to do].
Not that much of a progress, but still, more pleasurable than last month. That's also why I agreed on a third date, although I don't think that he will ever reach a 50-50 level...
Some of you wanted to have more of how our conversation is for more analysis because you all love to interpret it. So this is an excerpt:
What do you think of it? Still formal? Still stiff? Still robotic? Or something else?
I was very natural, I was at the first time, too
Blue = me
Green = him
Sunday around 14:00
- Since you told me last time that you like animals, I thought we could go to a zoo today. It's just 10 minutes away if I take you with my car.
- Oh to the zoo...?
- Oh, aren't you happy about it? It's because you feel that they are imprisoned?
- No, no. Indeed, there has been a time when I thought these animals were trapped in zoos, and so I thought of them as immoral.
But then I read that on islands in the Pacific Ocean, some species was about to go extinct. And these were uninhabited islands, so no humans there and their disppearance is not directly related to human involvement. The last remaining species were discovered by scientists and brought into zoos, to save them from extinction. Since then, I have a rather positive image towards zoos. Yeah, definitely, they are too often strongly criticised.
And actually, when I think about schools.. 28 pupils go to one class room, to be imprisoned there for 8 hours a day... I think this is even worse than zoos. Or at least the same level. One cannot demonize zoos and praise, or be indifferent to schools at the same time.
- Great. So we can drive there?
- It's just...you know, I have also prepared something just in case you would not. I wanted to go with you to a labyrinth. I wanted to test your sense of direction. Whether you have a good sense of direction or not. Don't worry, it's not too big. One can't get lost.
And today, it's the last day, they will close next week.
- Okay. No problem. We can also go there! Fine!
- Well, I don't know what the right decision is, it's not like it will be closed forever. They will open in April again. I don't want to impose my idea on you since yours is equally appropriate.
- Since it's the last day, we opt for the labyrinth!
- That wouldn't be fair... I mean, it would be 50% fair. Look, if the next car that drives by, if it will have blue colour , we take your suggestion. If it will be red, we will take my suggestion.
*one minute later*
- Red!
- Oh no, that doesn't count, that's a lorry!
*later again*
- Red again!
- Well, I didn't want to take my suggestion but since destiny wants us to do so, we will.
Don't even think of using nagivation systems. You'll be disqualified if you use one. Oh and I will push you into wrong directions to make it more difficult for you.
- I accept the challenge!
- And don't forget, you are competing against yourself, not against me 'cause I would always win! I'm just following you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
I agree. Ive dated European people, they tend to have a more elaborate and formal way of speaking compared to Americans (or Australians).
My guess is OP is a European expat living in the US or Australia, or New Zealand. I wouldnt advise her to dumb herself down for the masses. Her style of expression is unique and thats a good thing.
thanks honey xox I hope that at least some men will also think that way
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112
That's actually the best dating advice for men to follow. And not talk her head off, and not ask her too many questions. But letting her talk about 75% is good.
I think it's the worst dating advice to follow
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonaldJTrump
i always like the look of avril lavigne, skater chick grungy type. OP if thats how you look like, lets go on a date
I had to giggle when I read your nickname. I look more like in the When You're Gone video than the first generation.
I'll dump my boyfriend for you anytime and yes we can date
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