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Sorry if this seems choppy and weird, I've never actually sought advice online before.
So, this girl (29 F) and I (42 M) both started working at our job (nurses) about 7 months ago and I'm trying to figure out if she has a crush on me. Before anyone says anything about coworkers dating, there are several couples at our job who met on the job, so our employer doesn't have a problem with it. I don't know if it matters but she's from India and I'm white as white can be.
From the moment we started working, I'd notice her looking at me when she thought I wasn't looking and whenever she'd catch me seeing her, she smiles. She still does this, as soon as I walk in, I get a big smile, and sometimes she does this little coy smile and looks me up and down. Over the course of the past few months, we've become close, not super close but closer than we've gotten to other coworkers. We talk about a lot of stuff and she's always actively seeking me out whenever her assignment is slow. I haven't noticed her do this with any other coworkers. I don't always do the same as I'm trying to get to know other coworkers as well.
Other things she does include:
- Stands super close to me, as in our bodies touch, whenever we're standing next to each other. She does the same thing when we sit down.
- Lots and lots of banter back and forth and mild flirting - nothing too wild, but definitely some playful teasing back and forth.
- I forgot how it came up, but she's hinted that she doesn't think an age difference in a relationship is a big deal. I think was joking around with her and said "you're just a kid," and she said something like "you're over 40 but you don't act it, so we're even."
- Anytime I mention an opinion that's different to hers, she'll find a way to change hers slightly to be in line with mine - this doesn't matter to me at all, I just find it kind of odd.
There's more I could elaborate on, but I had a long shift so I feel like this post is becoming disjointed. If anyone needs anything clarified, please ask.
My ex and I divorced about a year ago and I haven't dated in years. I don't know if I'm reading too much into this or whether or not there's something there.
Sorry if this seems choppy and weird, I've never actually sought advice online before.
So, this girl (29 F) and I (42 M) both started working at our job (nurses) about 7 months ago and I'm trying to figure out if she has a crush on me. Before anyone says anything about coworkers dating, there are several couples at our job who met on the job, so our employer doesn't have a problem with it. I don't know if it matters but she's from India and I'm white as white can be.
From the moment we started working, I'd notice her looking at me when she thought I wasn't looking and whenever she'd catch me seeing her, she smiles. She still does this, as soon as I walk in, I get a big smile, and sometimes she does this little coy smile and looks me up and down. Over the course of the past few months, we've become close, not super close but closer than we've gotten to other coworkers. We talk about a lot of stuff and she's always actively seeking me out whenever her assignment is slow. I haven't noticed her do this with any other coworkers. I don't always do the same as I'm trying to get to know other coworkers as well.
Other things she does include:
- Stands super close to me, as in our bodies touch, whenever we're standing next to each other. She does the same thing when we sit down.
- Lots and lots of banter back and forth and mild flirting - nothing too wild, but definitely some playful teasing back and forth.
- I forgot how it came up, but she's hinted that she doesn't think an age difference in a relationship is a big deal. I think was joking around with her and said "you're just a kid," and she said something like "you're over 40 but you don't act it, so we're even."
- Anytime I mention an opinion that's different to hers, she'll find a way to change hers slightly to be in line with mine - this doesn't matter to me at all, I just find it kind of odd.
There's more I could elaborate on, but I had a long shift so I feel like this post is becoming disjointed. If anyone needs anything clarified, please ask.
My ex and I divorced about a year ago and I haven't dated in years. I don't know if I'm reading too much into this or whether or not there's something there.
Thanks in advance
Sounds like she might.
Some potential obstacles here - age difference, cultural differences, and yes, coworkers.
Dating a coworker isn't a red flag because it might be against policy so much as it can be hellishly awkward and painful if things don't work out.
Ask her to do something off site, and see how she responds. But it's a big risk.
Some potential obstacles here - age difference, cultural differences, and yes, coworkers.
In terms of age difference, I don't think she has a problem with it, but I guess I won't know until I ask her out.
In terms of cultural differences, I don't think it would be a big deal, she's been in the US for a while. She hasn't hinted about only dating Indians. When I asked what she looked for in a partner (yeah we got on that topic somehow, she initiated), she didn't mention race or religion.
In terms of coworkers, as I said before, I doubt they'd have a problem with it. There are 5 or 6 couples at our job who met on the job, 4 of them are married. I'm not saying we're going to get married, but just to show that it's not a big deal in our work culture.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
Dating a coworker isn't a red flag because it might be against policy so much as it can be hellishly awkward and painful if things don't work out.
See above, our employer doesn't have a policy against dating coworkers. If anything negative happens, it's easy enough to get a transfer to a different hospital within our system.
If anything negative happens, it's easy enough to get a transfer to a different hospital within our system.
So you're willing to just up and transfer your job if you decide you aren't into her after three dates and she becomes obsessed with you and makes your time at work a living hell?
This is one of those things that, you're right, you won't know what will or won't work until you try it. You just need to know going in what is at stake.
Why not. Just proceed cautiously. You don't want things to turn into a sexual harassment situation. She might be more friendly because you work together and feel its okay to lower boundaries. I had a co-worker express interest and I do not want to tread that situation. I would rather keep my personal life separate from work.
So you're willing to just up and transfer your job if you decide you aren't into her after three dates and she becomes obsessed with you and makes your time at work a living hell?
This is one of those things that, you're right, you won't know what will or won't work until you try it. You just need to know going in what is at stake.
Sorry if it seems strange or I wasn't clear. The work transfer wouldn't be a big deal. The hospital I work at right now is farther than the one near my house. It's a difference of currently working 25 miles away now versus working 1 mile away if I were to transfer.
Sorry if it seems strange or I wasn't clear. The work transfer wouldn't be a big deal. The hospital I work at right now is farther than the one near my house. It's a difference of currently working 25 miles away now versus working 1 mile away if I were to transfer.
That's fine, and fortunate.
Maybe nurses are different. But it's not "no big deal" to move over to a brand new team and start over.
Another situation, which for some reason I forgot in my original post, happened a couple of weeks ago. We were both working together on a very sick patient. After we were done, she asked me to give her a massage. I felt a little awkward because it caught me off guard.
Another situation, which for some reason I forgot in my original post, happened a couple of weeks ago. We were both working together on a very sick patient. After we were done, she asked me to give her a massage. I felt a little awkward because it caught me off guard.
I realize its been a while since you were active in the dating pool. This woman likes you.
If you were looking for a sign this is about as clear of a sign you are going to get from a woman.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DieCastRN
- Stands super close to me, as in our bodies touch, whenever we're standing next to each other. She does the same thing when we sit down.
- Lots and lots of banter back and forth and mild flirting - nothing too wild, but definitely some playful teasing back and forth.
- I forgot how it came up, but she's hinted that she doesn't think an age difference in a relationship is a big deal. I think was joking around with her and said "you're just a kid," and she said something like "you're over 40 but you don't act it, so we're even."
- Anytime I mention an opinion that's different to hers, she'll find a way to change hers slightly to be in line with mine - this doesn't matter to me at all, I just find it kind of odd.
The double bind that this woman faces is that if she makes her feelings any more clear and say actually asks you out, she worries that such a strong showing of interest on her part will have you demanding to have sex with her the day she asks you out. So she needs you to ask her out, to exit that double bind.
That allows her to feel like she still has control of the pace that things are proceeding sexually, because she doesn't want to be put in a position where she is expected to agree to sex until she actually feels comfortable with having sex.
What I would do is ask her out. You don't have be suave, just honest and sincere. I would suggest something like "I really like it when we work together and I am wondering if their might be an attraction between you and me. I would like to explore that. Would you like to do a specific activity at a specific time and place.
For future reference. If you run into a girl who has not given you this long list of signs of interest that this woman did and you aren't sure where you stand with her. Just ask her out respectfully. That will clarify where you stand with any woman, but if she says no, be completely graceful and courteous. Generally as long as you are not an ass, a woman isn't going to be upset with you asking her out even if she isn't actually interested in dating you. I have asked out women who I didn't realize were married and they weren't upset, actually just flattered that someone else was interested in them.
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