Struggling with girlfriend's sexual past, even though mine is slightly worst - Her partner count is 12 and mine is 14
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I appreciate everyone taking the time to reply and provide their thoughts. I understand that I am coming across hypocritical - that is why I opened up by stating that. I guess I figured I would take it to the forums to see if anyone had recommendations on ways of thinking past the issues I'm experiencing.
And just to clarify, I didn't ask her about her past. One day we were among a group setting that was brought up. When we were on the ride home, she brought up hers. At that point I offered to discuss anything she would like in regards to mine and she declined and said she preferred not to know. (Obviously the smarter move of the two). She is not aware that it bothers me. Rather than talking to her or friends about it, I figured I would confide anonymously here.
In regards to jealousy, I am open to hearing that is what it is, but I don't personally feel that is the case. I don't know what any of her partners look like and I am not concerned in the slightest of how their "performance" was. I think this is strictly an issue with how "tight" of an upbringing I was in. Even if I don't want to view it as strictly, the truth is I went my entire childhood and teenage years being lectured on how you don't do this or that. Yes - even though I strayed away around the age of 25-26 years old
Like everyone has said, I need a reality check.
Once again, I am thankful for the time that each of you had taken to read this and to chime in.
Never, ever, ever talk about your past sex life.
Not ever. Politely refuse.
And never ask about someone else's.
I have seen careers, marriages, friendships and families destroyed by those who violate this rule.
So Just. Shut. Up.
I dunno. Secrets are corrosive. I don't believe in blabbing this stuff to just anyone, but when you're getting married then full disclosure is the only way. If you're marrying someone who is emotionally mature, they understand what is past is past. My wife knows exactly who I dated.
On the other hand, if that person has a freakout like the OP, then it's a pretty good sign that person isn't terribly secure or emotionally capable of being in a marriage or even a long-term relationship.
Wow...and this is why a woman should NEVER give her number, much less all the details behind it. YOU are so much worse than her - let her go because she doesn't deserve to be made to feel "less than" by a man.
I have come here to see if anyone has dealt with a similar mindset as mine. As I have clarified, I did not ask her about her sexual past. I also have not told her that it bothers me in the slightest. I am dealing with this internally and trying to find a way to move past the thought process I am having.
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