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You want to have sex but you don't want him to ask for sex. Why don't you just tell him he can ask for sex when you give him permission and if he keeps asking without permission he'll be punished.
I've started dating again after many years of not dating and I'm finding that men expect sex much sooner today than they used to. I made the mistake of having sex with two dates before I was ready. Yes, I was interested in having sex eventually, just not as fast as I did. I'm not blaming them; I'm blaming myself. After the relationships ended (fairly quickly), I spent a lot of time in self-reflection trying to figure out what I did wrong. I realized I didn't have good boundaries. For me, waiting until I'm in an exclusive committed relationship with someone who has similar values and goals and who is potentially marriageable is the only time when I should have sex. Going forward, this is going to be my new dating strategy.
I don't think I will ever feel good about myself if I don't stop the negative pattern and continue to say yes to recreational sex in short term loveless dating relationships.
After dating one man for 2 months, I came to a epiphany one day when he told me he would NEVER love another woman as much as he had loved his ex wife. I wised up at that very moment. Here was a man that I was sleeping with and with whom I was attempting to possibly build a relationship with, and he was telling me THAT? That the best I could hope for was that he "loved being with me" but he would never "love" me? So, I was good enough to sleep with and get off with but not good enough to love or marry? And the cheating wife rated better than I did? F that. I dumped him the next day. And decided I will never sleep with another man as soon as I did in a new dating relationship. Him and I waited 6 weeks and believe me, that was too soon.
After dating one man for 2 months, I came to a epiphany one day when he told me he would NEVER love another woman as much as he had loved his ex wife. I wised up at that very moment. Here was a man that I was sleeping with and with whom I was attempting to possibly build a relationship with, and he was telling me THAT? That the best I could hope for was that he "loved being with me" but he would never "love" me? So, I was good enough to sleep with and get off with but not good enough to love or marry? And the cheating wife rated better than I did? F that. I dumped him the next day. And decided I will never sleep with another man as soon as I did in a new dating relationship. Him and I waited 6 weeks and believe me, that was too soon.
Good for you that you learned from this.
It is true that men tend to push for sex. Some have this so-called "3-date rule" or however X amount of dates before think that sex is on the table. Otherwise they'll dump ya.
They figure after 3 dates, that you're not interested in them. Not sure where they came up with that logic. There are still things like cuddling and kissing, yes?
Men didn't come up with it, some women started offering it as an option and in time it lowered the standard for society because many men tend not to respect themselves any more than the women do these days.
It is true that men tend to push for sex. Some have this so-called "3-date rule" or however X amount of dates before think that sex is on the table. Otherwise they'll dump ya.
They figure after 3 dates, that you're not interested in them. Not sure where they came up with that logic. There are still things like cuddling and kissing, yes?
I've never experience a guy dumping me after 3 (or any number) dates because I didn't have sex with him. If I thought he would do that, I would dump HIM.
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I've started dating again after many years of not dating and I'm finding that men expect sex much sooner today than they used to. I made the mistake of having sex with two dates before I was ready. Yes, I was interested in having sex eventually, just not as fast as I did. I'm not blaming them; I'm blaming myself. After the relationships ended (fairly quickly), I spent a lot of time in self-reflection trying to figure out what I did wrong. I realized I didn't have good boundaries. For me, waiting until I'm in an exclusive committed relationship with someone who has similar values and goals and who is potentially marriageable is the only time when I should have sex. Going forward, this is going to be my new dating strategy.
I don't think I will ever feel good about myself if I don't stop the negative pattern and continue to say yes to recreational sex in short term loveless dating relationships.
smt1111, I cannot rep you enough for your post. BRAVO!!!!!
I praise your eloquently written post and that you lay your soul bare to us. Thank you for having the courage to share what others may feel too ashamed to admit.
I'm with you 100% sister (except the marriage part, of which I have no interest in).
Respect, self-made
FYI--no, I am not shaming those who choose a different path.
Men didn't come up with it, some women started offering it as an option and in time it lowered the standard for society because many men tend not to respect themselves any more than the women do these days.
Oh, yep, blame it on us women. We're ruining society and the world. Shame on us.
Grow up, dude. Responsibility falls on both sides of the relationship fence here. I think it a more fair, accurate and responsible strategy to place blame on individuals that deserve it, not indict an entire gender for the failings or choices of some.
Oh, yep, blame it on us women. We're ruining society and the world. Shame on us.
It is heartening that we were able to so readily come to agreement on this issue. : ) Next let us solve world hunger. - LOL!
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