Every girl I date says they don't feel a connection with me. How do I get better at this? (woman, attracted)
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It seems like this is something that's too esoteric to give advice on.
What do you want for advice? Did YOU feel connection? How to engender connection with someone who doesn't feel it? You don't. You meet people. You have fun.
"Emotional Intelligence 2.0" is a book worth reading. Connection is not just about success in dating but in all aspects of life. Knowing your strengths/weaknesses and having a plan of action is an answer.
What interests do you have? Are you interested in anything that could be a group activity? If so, look for someone who also likes that activity.
If you like hiking or biking or stamp collecting, join a club.
Do you have an interesting job? If not get yourself qualified for a better job.
Do you have strong political feelings? Then volunteer at a campaign office.
You need something to talk about besides yourself. You need some reason to enjoy a woman's company beyond your desire to get into her pants quickly. If all you know to talk about is you, then that is boring and no one likes to spend a lot of time with a boring person.
"Didn't feel a connection" is usually a politically correct white lie for "didn't feel attraction". While personality and actions aren't entirely out of the question, Occam's Razor says it's about looks: the woman simply thought the man looked unattractive, and wants to get him out of her life. Plus, an attractive man can get away with far more on a date than an unattractive man. The problem is that women NEVER disclose why they reject a man, thus causing more angst than they avoid. That's what caused all those movements to emerge and spread like wildfire: they provide information to men that women withhold.
This is definitely NOT the case. This girl I recently dated was in my social circle for a few years and would constantly tell mutual friends how attractive I was and also told me she had had a crush on me for a few years. We finally started dating recently and of course she stops dating me because she said she felt no connection.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
35,580 posts, read 17,923,325 times
Reputation: 50612
Quote:
Originally Posted by simon22
This is definitely NOT the case. This girl I recently dated was in my social circle for a few years and would constantly tell mutual friends how attractive I was and also told me she had had a crush on me for a few years. We finally started dating recently and of course she stops dating me because she said she felt no connection.
There's something you're doing wrong. This girl knew you, was attracted to you, and then in a relationship quickly ended it.
If you trust her, take her to coffee and humbly ask what happened. Make it clear you aren't trying to start up a relationship again, you just want to know, moving forward. Don't argue with her, just listen.
It's highly likely fixable, because she knows you and had a crush on you. You're able to attract a woman, and then it went south. Ask.
There's something you're doing wrong. This girl knew you, was attracted to you, and then in a relationship quickly ended it.
If you trust her, take her to coffee and humbly ask what happened. Make it clear you aren't trying to start up a relationship again, you just want to know, moving forward. Don't argue with her, just listen.
It's highly likely fixable, because she knows you and had a crush on you. You're able to attract a woman, and then it went south. Ask.
It's highly fixable with her specifically? Should I work on being better friends with her first then go for a relationship from there? Or do you think I've killed my chances at a relationship with her?
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
35,580 posts, read 17,923,325 times
Reputation: 50612
Quote:
Originally Posted by simon22
It's highly fixable with her specifically? Should I work on being better friends with her first then go for a relationship from there? Or do you think I've killed my chances at a relationship with her?
I was only suggesting you could ask her what went wrong, so you could know better in the future what to do.
I don't know at all if it's fixable with her.
It sounds like she was very ready to be in a relationship with you, and then something happened that quickly changed her mind.
I was just suggesting you could learn from her what not to do in the future with other women.
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