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Well, they also say not to be needy and creating distance is the opposite of that. But apparently it's better to be needy than create distance.
That's like an all or nothing situation....neither one works.
Your so called experts need a reality check...I'm hoping they are all in stable loving relationships before they give such advice....something I highly doubt.
Oh and whoever "they" are, they don't sound like dating authorities to me. If you are working the red pill, aside from turning into a horrible human being, you are doing it wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by alexdis
Its actually push-pull. You pull, seduce, and build attraction. You push and make them yearn for you. If you push without pulling, then they really haven't lost anything. Effective push pull does take practice.
But if you don't want to do that manipulative stuff, then try it more naturally. Like have a social life and things to do. Go out with more than one woman and have other options. Care more about your opinion of yourself than what others think of you. Expect other people to impress you instead of just you impressing them. This will make you naturally non-needy.
Tactically I suspect advice like push pull probably can work, because this is what narcissists do in their relationships.
But the people in relationships with narcissists are really unhappy. These are not healthy relationships. Realize this is a strategy for getting laid, but also a strategy that likely backfires the longer you employ it.
Every time I 'pushed' a woman away, they wound up with someone else or I'd never hear from them. In fact, they were probably happy I pushed them away. lol
If they were happy you pushed them away, then obviously you didn't do a good job attracting them. I would only do push pull if I was skilled at dating since it does take skill to manipulate people. At your level you should be working on being non-needy and being more attractive.
But the people in relationships with narcissists are really unhappy. These are not healthy relationships. Realize this is a strategy for getting laid, but also a strategy that likely backfires the longer you employ it.
It sounds very exhausting to have to employ manipulation techniques in your relationship all the time. In my opinion push pull should come naturally. If you are being non-needy and genuine rather than always trying to get approval of others and affirming everything they say, you will naturally do push pull. Push pull can also be done while flirting and not done seriously.
Well, they also say not to be needy and creating distance is the opposite of that. But apparently it's better to be needy than create distance.
Why are you thinking in extremes? Are you perhaps on the autism spectrum at all? Could that possibly be the obstacle? You seem to be looking (in your TWO concurrent threads) for a magic formula, when in fact, subtle reading of cues and tuning in to the other person are necessary skills. There is no special script to follow.
Why are you thinking in extremes? Are you perhaps on the autism spectrum at all? Could that possibly be the obstacle? You seem to be looking (in your TWO concurrent threads) for a magic formula, when in fact, subtle reading of cues and tuning in to the other person are necessary skills. There is no special script to follow.
I'm not autistic and I'm not on the spectrum at all. I've just noticed that whenever I create distance the girl ends up with another guy. So it's apparently not good advice.
I'm not autistic and I'm not on the spectrum at all. I've just noticed that whenever I create distance the girl ends up with another guy. So it's apparently not good advice.
Have you ever noticed that someone on here is always making some kind of dig or comment about a poster "being on the autism spectrum"? Pay these arm chair psychologists no mind! lol
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Quote:
Originally Posted by simon22
I'm not autistic and I'm not on the spectrum at all. I've just noticed that whenever I create distance the girl ends up with another guy. So it's apparently not good advice.
It's not any advice I've ever heard. It's ridiculous on its face. Why would you ever think it was a good idea? If there is a woman I dig, I want to get closer to her. Duh.
The best advice is learning through trial and error what will work. I'm glad I started dating before the internet came along because we all stumbled and bumbled and eventually figured it out ourselves, not relying on perfect strangers who have blogs and youtube videos and claim to be "experts".
Create distance? Well that didn't work. Get too close too fast? Didn't work. Find a happy medium? Bingo!
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