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I hired a caretaker to come a couple times a week for my mother. We became friends. Went hiking, to breakfast etc. There was a time when I think I had a chance but I’m not sure. I was being sarcastic about something, and she said “if you want to get with me that’s not the way”.
I became interested in more after a few months, but I never told her. She became too busy with her full time job, so she had a friend of hers take her place. After she stopped coming she started to get distant. Everyday texts turned into every 2 weeks.
I was drinking the other night, and really depressed about life. Taking care of a parent with dementia is soul sucking. Anyway I hadn’t heard from her in about 9 days. I texted her. “ I get the hint, I’ll stop bothering you, could you please mail back my house key.”
She answered me in the morning with “wow, That’s some real **** to wake up to”. I was like that’s what it feels like you want isn’t it? She said”that’s fine with me honestly I’ll mail your **** back”
20 minutes later she’s comes back with that my message had just set her off, and that I have been there for her when she need it, and been kind to her etc.. and that I was reading too much into her silence.
There’s a lot of detail, but it would be a book. Anyway I gave her an easy out. Why didn’t she take it?
I hired a caretaker to come a couple times a week for my mother. We became friends. Went hiking, to breakfast etc. There was a time when I think I had a chance but I’m not sure. I was being sarcastic about something, and she said “if you want to get with me that’s not the way”.
I became interested in more after a few months, but I never told her. She became too busy with her full time job, so she had a friend of hers take her place. After she stopped coming she started to get distant. Everyday texts turned into every 2 weeks.
I was drinking the other night, and really depressed about life. Taking care of a parent with dementia is soul sucking. Anyway I hadn’t heard from her in about 9 days. I texted her. “ I get the hint, I’ll stop bothering you, could you please mail back my house key.”
She answered me in the morning with “wow, That’s some real **** to wake up to”. I was like that’s what it feels like you want isn’t it? She said”that’s fine with me honestly I’ll mail your **** back”
20 minutes later she’s comes back with that my message had just set her off, and that I have been there for her when she need it, and been kind to her etc.. and that I was reading too much into her silence.
There’s a lot of detail, but it would be a book. Anyway I gave her an easy out. Why didn’t she take it?
Thanks.
Well ... y'all had some pretty porous boundaries, I would say, and a lot of unspoken feelings.
Probably shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place, but once you did, you took too long to make it into something.
Sounds like it's too late now, but you should have spoken your mind at some point before you sent her that text. And she should have been professional about things.
Well ... y'all had some pretty porous boundaries, I would say, and a lot of unspoken feelings.
Probably shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place, but once you did, you took too long to make it into something.
Sounds like it's too late now, but you should have spoken your mind at some point before you sent her that text. And she should have been professional about things.
Sorry about your mom. It's so tough.
Thanks.
I did send her an email a couple days ago where I actually told her how I felt, and why I sent the text She didn’t respond, but as of a few minutes ago she did respond to a photo I sent, so she’s not gone anyways even after the email. I guess that’s positive.
She was professional, but after awhile we became friends. I guess that’s hard not to do when someone is in your home several times a week for hours, and I did want to get to know her, so it’s partially my fault.
ETA. You’re right about waiting too long. I really suck at reading cues, and hints
Last edited by Ferret2020; 11-09-2019 at 08:44 PM..
This is the problem with texting, i.e. the written word. She couldn't read your intonation and facial expression, so she interpreted the text negatively, when in fact, you were trying to give her space and acknowledge her moving on. Maybe this is also a lesson in not making assumptions, but to check in with people? Just thinking out loud. Sounds like maybe she hadn't moved on completely, but maybe was busy or had issues to deal with.
This is the problem with texting, i.e. the written word. She couldn't read your intonation and facial expression, so she interpreted the text negatively, when in fact, you were trying to give her space and acknowledge her moving on. Maybe this is also a lesson in not making assumptions, but to check in with people? Just thinking out loud. Sounds like maybe she hadn't moved on completely, but maybe was busy or had issues to deal with.
I agree wholeheartedly. I wasn’t mad, which she thought I was. I was just feeling depressed about things including her, and thought her silence was a hint hoping I would just go away. I know people do that because they don’t like confrontation, or hurting people’s feelings.
But, like I mentioned she responded to a photo I sent a little while ago, so I think she was just letting me know she’s still there. Possibly contemplating what I said in the email...who knows though.
I agree wholeheartedly. I wasn’t mad, which she thought I was. I was just feeling depressed about things including her, and thought her silence was a hint hoping I would just go away. I know people do that because they don’t like confrontation, or hurting people’s feelings.
But, like I mentioned she responded to a photo I sent a little while ago, so I think she was just letting me know she’s still there. Possibly contemplating what I said in the email...who knows though.
Well, it sounds like the ball is in her court. It would be thoughtful, if she could let you know that she's dealing with some stuff, or whatever, but...that doesn't seem to be happening. Maybe you'll hear from her later.
Well, it sounds like the ball is in her court. It would be thoughtful, if she could let you know that she's dealing with some stuff, or whatever, but...that doesn't seem to be happening. Maybe you'll hear from her later.
I guess I’ll just try, and chill, and not bug her too much. I took a chance with the email telling her what I felt about her. She was either going to run away, or not. Seems like she chose the not.
Can probably tell I’m not good with people in a social setting. I’ve always had dangerous jobs, and I’m better dealing with prison riots, and border bandits than I am at dealing with females lol.
I guess I’ll just try, and chill, and not bug her too much. I took a chance with the email telling her what I felt about her. She was either going to run away, or not. Seems like she chose the not.
Can probably tell I’m not good with people in a social setting. I’ve always had dangerous jobs, and I’m better dealing with prison riots, and border bandits than I am at dealing with females lol.
Actually, I thought you handled it quite appropriately and -- it seems -- effectively. Clearly, you have good communication skills, and some basic common sense. You'd be surprised how many people who struggle with dating/relationships lack those two things, seriously (judging by the threads we get here). It's all about communication, so, congratulations! Let us know how it all pans out. (We love updates! )
P.S. Does she know you're in some kind of high-risk profession? Yikes!
Actually, I thought you handled it quite appropriately and -- it seems -- effectively. Clearly, you have good communication skills, and some basic common sense. You'd be surprised how many people who struggle with dating/relationships lack those two things, seriously (judging by the threads we get here). It's all about communication, so, congratulations! Let us know how it all pans out. (We love updates! )
P.S. Does she know you're in some kind of high-risk profession? Yikes!
Oh yeah she knows, but I’ve been a full time caregiver for my mom for awhile now. Don’t know when I’ll be able to go back to work.
All of this is really confusing though. Oh...she never did send my key back either. That’s was 3 weeks ago now. Makes me wonder is she did that so that there’s still some connection.
I’ve been watching all of these YouTube “experts”. The only thing I’ve learned is that a lot of them give totally opposite advice. Sending that email was hard as I’m not open with my feelings. I wish I would have been months ago and maybe Inwouldnt be looking for opinions now.
Now she knows though that I have feelings towards her, so the seed is planted I guess. I’m also guessing the worse thing I can do now is text too much, so I assume I should just wait and see if the seed grows or not. Maybe say hi once a week or something just to see how she’s doing.
First off you started with a guilt trip and a negative tone. You projected your insecurity on her. You have no idea she was trying to give you a hint at all. Next time you are in this situation, start off with. Hi, I hope everything is going well, I was wondering if we could meet up something so I can get the key.
She didn't respond to you in a positive light, I would let it go. I don't think she is interested.
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