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Yes, there are reasons. For one I feel at this point we should be checking in more with each other, but I haven't brought that to his attention yet for fear of looking too clingy. Secondly we see each other twice a week and we live about 40 minutes from each other, it's usually me coming to him partially because there's just more to do in his area and he has bigger nicer place than I do, he has come to me a few times but its mostly me going out to him. And lastly, I just sometimes feel like he doesn't appreciate me enough, I've made this relationship very easy for him so far, I go with the flow and don't make waves. I know he works hard, and his kids take up a lot of his time and I'm very understanding of this, I just wish he'd acknowledge it.
He tells me all the time how much he likes me and how great I am and all that, but at this point I'm starting to feel like talk is cheap. He is a creature of habit and likes convenience, and I question if he really ever had to go out of his way for me, would he?
I ask this with respect....are you prone to micro managing?????? I'd back off a little..
You don't like to be on a schedule, but you expect your relationships to be on a regular schedule. How does that work?
Let me clarify, I like to understand what people like and want in terms of communication:
daily, a couple times a day, in the evening, every 2 days, whatever.
I personally like semi-regular communication, and I can handle less communication if our next time to see each other is scheduled. So let's say I am supposed to see you on Sunday night. Between now and Sunday I don't need to have 1 hour conversations daily. I'm fine if you want to send a quick how are you text, and we exchange a couple of messages.
That being said, I am a terrible texter. And if you think I will respond to every text within 1 hour, you'll be mistaken. I often do not have my phone near me. If I have a work day full of meetings, I will make sure y meetings have most of my attention. If I am out with friends, I am not going to respond to your text because I keep my phone put away if I am with other people. So in order to help "set that expectation" I tell people that I do not text frequently, and try to not respond too fast. Once you understand that about me, then I'll repsond sooner.
Sometimes I'll be happy to have a long text conversation, and we can talk for an hour that way. Other times my responses will be brief and to the point.
Not let's say your partner has a pattern like good morning text, afternoon check-in and a good night text on the days you don't see each other. And then one day you don't get a good morning. That feels a little off cycle. Then there is no good afternoon? You would get a little worried, because in the past the person was a very frequent communicator. But if the person said the night before - hey tomorrow is crazy, won't have a chance to check-in, you'd be good to go.
Yes, there are reasons. For one I feel at this point we should be checking in more with each other, but I haven't brought that to his attention yet for fear of looking too clingy. Secondly we see each other twice a week and we live about 40 minutes from each other, it's usually me coming to him partially because there's just more to do in his area and he has bigger nicer place than I do, he has come to me a few times but its mostly me going out to him. And lastly, I just sometimes feel like he doesn't appreciate me enough, I've made this relationship very easy for him so far, I go with the flow and don't make waves. I know he works hard, and his kids take up a lot of his time and I'm very understanding of this, I just wish he'd acknowledge it.
He tells me all the time how much he likes me and how great I am and all that, but at this point I'm starting to feel like talk is cheap. He is a creature of habit and likes convenience, and I question if he really ever had to go out of his way for me, would he?
I'm sorry it feels like he is not reciprocating as far as effort. I get those feelings with my current dating partner. I don't know if it's just me over analyzing things or my anxiety or if it's more reality than I am willing to admit.
I think the issue might be what you said that you've made it easy for him because you go with the flow. I don't agree with most of the posters who are siding with him and acting like HE can do no wrong and HE can only text or call when he wants to and can have his schedule with the kids every weekend and YOU have to step aside for him and shouldn't even expect a text. I don't agree with that. Why should HE control the whole picture?
First of all, you don't even have a normal dating relationship. You can't see him on weekends when other normal couples go out together. Do you want that for the rest of your life? Do you want to be stuck on the back burner while he attends to his kids every weekend? Because I wouldn't. I'm not saying his kids aren't important. Yes, his kids should be #1 in his life. So the bottom line is, that this man doesn't sound like the right situation for you. I hate to say it especially if you like him but 2 months is enough time to evaluate whether a man is worth putting more time and effort into and this doesn't sound like the right situation for you. You gave it a chance but remember, this isn't going to get any better. The problems are just going to start. I would seriously examine within yourself whether you have the strength to put up with this situation and continue on with him.
Timberline wrote this back in October- It applies to all your posts.
Bebe. Please take a good long look at yourself. You've been doing this literally for years now. Jumping into things, questioning everything, not being able to read basic situations, basic interactions... always needing to go to strangers who don't know you or them trying to figure it out. Jumping in, freak out/express concerns at moving so fast and/or questioning every little thing like an insecure teen, things crash or get weird and you wonder why or how or what happened. Literally, 1-2 weeks later start to repeat the cycle.
Seriously, Bebe. Stop the cycle. Get professional help. You're inability to read people, your inability to answer your own questions, your insecurities, your inability to see patterns and change them... coupled with your seeming inability to be on your own and not date and be happy is doing you no favors. Take a year off, at least. Get some help, and become good with being you. I really do wish you the best.
Op- Please don't be like how I used to be. Freaking out over a guy not calling back, constantly feeling the need to be with him.... That's how you end up with less than...
He just texted me asking if I called him last night. I said I did and that my bluetooth wasn't connecting to explain the 3 calls.
Great news! He didn't call you on the "overkill."
I suppose it's all sorted out then? He ignored you during the weekend, you freaked out, but after the weekend he's back online and all is well? You don't mind that he doesn't communicate with you during the weekends?
Let me clarify, I like to understand what people like and want in terms of communication:
daily, a couple times a day, in the evening, every 2 days, whatever...
Sorry if I was unclear. When I asked how that works, I was asking how it wasn't one-sided. It sounds like you reserve the right to text when you get around to it, but he has to be predictable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by smt1111
Why should HE control the whole picture?
This isn't a matter of controlling the whole picture. It's a matter of giving a parent reasonable space.
Sorry if I was unclear. When I asked how that works, I was asking how it wasn't one-sided. It sounds like you reserve the right to text when you get around to it, but he has to be predictable.
This isn't a matter of controlling the whole picture. It's a matter of giving a parent reasonable space.
To better clarify - I like to know the frame like if you want multiple texts per day or once a day. Based on that I’ll adjust to keep up with your preferences. But I rarely text back immediately unless we’ve “scheduled” it. Or it happens to be a moment when I am focused on my phone. I leave my phone on my desk/purse/whatever. I don’t look at it all day. If I am out with friends or whatever I basically completely annoy it. I like to focus on who I am with. If I am concentrating at work then I’m not texting or losing my train of thought for that. I turn off notifications to stay focused.
On the flip side, I prefer daily pings if I like you. Don’t care when it happens. I don’t expect you to send me a flurry of texts within minutes of mine.
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