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I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years a few months ago. It wasn’t the first time we broke up and we reconciled each and every time. However this last time is it for me and I really had no love left for him but of course I still care about him since we were together for so long. At first I didn’t hear from him but over the recent weeks he’s been reaching out saying that he’s not reaching out to me to get back together but just to catch up.
He has no one that he feels comfortable with talking about things except for me and he was interested to knowing how my life is going. I told him I still care about him but I am in the process of rebuilding my life. He went on to tell me a few things including that he was dating someone for a while but decided he wasn’t attracted to her and met her at a friends party only a few days after we broke up because he had known her a long time ago.
How should I handle this moving forward? Should I feed him and just explain to him again that I do not see a future or do I just talk to him on the phone or neither? In the meanwhile I did also meet somebody and there may be a future with this other person. He is very good to me and my family and while I don’t know him extremely well we do definitely have a connection and I don’t want to jeopardize that.
Depends. Some adults can actually salvage the friendship portion and create that boundary.
Maybe you are one of them.
I tended to find that some of my male x's did better as friends. We regrouped and decided we had some wonderful attributes to guide us . We supported each other while respecting our choices of dating others. No jealousy. ..
Takes a bit of self effacement. Overall it's the individuals to decide based on history.
Only you know you and he. I have maintained excellent relationships with most of my exs. I see three of them in particular on a regular basis, our children know each other and I know their husbands fairly well. I even attended one's wedding and they enrolled some of their children in my classes We attend holiday parties together etc. One of my son's even dated on of their daughter for a summer. Naturally my wife knew them and they socialized. Two of them I hear from on an almost daily basis (e-mails). My point is, exs can be excellent friends. Three of the women I mention I dated in the early 80s, so you can remain friends only, throughout life.
To me, the purpose of dating, when you are young, is to find a life partner. Each person you meet teaches you more about you, your likes and dislikes, what is important to you and what is not. Often your lives will diverge, not because of diminishing intrinsics between the two of you but simply because your life takes different paths, you come to realize you want and value different things.. That does not mean you cannot be lifelong friends.
Obviously, if both of you can maintain it as friends only, why not?
Last edited by GhostOfAndrewJackson; 11-12-2019 at 09:15 PM..
I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years a few months ago. It wasn’t the first time we broke up and we reconciled each and every time. However this last time is it for me and I really had no love left for him but of course I still care about him since we were together for so long. At first I didn’t hear from him but over the recent weeks he’s been reaching out saying that he’s not reaching out to me to get back together but just to catch up.
He has no one that he feels comfortable with talking about things except for me and he was interested to knowing how my life is going. I told him I still care about him but I am in the process of rebuilding my life. He went on to tell me a few things including that he was dating someone for a while but decided he wasn’t attracted to her and met her at a friends party only a few days after we broke up because he had known her a long time ago.
How should I handle this moving forward? Should I feed him and just explain to him again that I do not see a future or do I just talk to him on the phone or neither? In the meanwhile I did also meet somebody and there may be a future with this other person. He is very good to me and my family and while I don’t know him extremely well we do definitely have a connection and I don’t want to jeopardize that.
Does he know and fully understand and accept why you broke up? Do you know and fully understand and accept why you two broke up? He is saying the right things if you wanted to have him in your life as a friend, he said he is reaching out to catch up and not get back together. You know him much better than me.
But if you want him as a friend start treating him as a friend. Mention that there is someone else and your excited about him, but its new. That will clarify his feelings, allowing him to figure out if he really wants to be your friend, knowing that there is someone else who is filling the role of boyfriend. If he drops out of your life, you know his true motivations too.
I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years a few months ago. It wasn’t the first time we broke up and we reconciled each and every time. However this last time is it for me and I really had no love left for him but of course I still care about him since we were together for so long. At first I didn’t hear from him but over the recent weeks he’s been reaching out saying that he’s not reaching out to me to get back together but just to catch up.
He has no one that he feels comfortable with talking about things except for me and he was interested to knowing how my life is going. I told him I still care about him but I am in the process of rebuilding my life. He went on to tell me a few things including that he was dating someone for a while but decided he wasn’t attracted to her and met her at a friends party only a few days after we broke up because he had known her a long time ago.
How should I handle this moving forward? Should I feed him and just explain to him again that I do not see a future or do I just talk to him on the phone or neither? In the meanwhile I did also meet somebody and there may be a future with this other person. He is very good to me and my family and while I don’t know him extremely well we do definitely have a connection and I don’t want to jeopardize that.
Tell him that again and encourage him to do the same, without you.
Side note: Please be careful that the new Mr. Wonderful is not a rebound for you. Not fair to him and that would delay your learning and healing from the past relationship.
So today in another effort to reach out to me my ex decided to start words were friends game with me and I received two messages. While I did not play I did see the messages one of which simply said I don’t know how this game started but if you want to play feel free to do so followed by another message eight hours later which said oh just play it’s only a game. This is from a man that I haven’t spoken to in two months. He hasn’t changed and is still trying to control me. At this point, I really am not up to or do I feel inclined to reach out to him even though I know it’s not the polite thing to do. Am I wrong?
So today in another effort to reach out to me my ex decided to start words were friends game with me and I received two messages. While I did not play I did see the messages one of which simply said I don’t know how this game started but if you want to play feel free to do so followed by another message eight hours later which said oh just play it’s only a game. This is from a man that I haven’t spoken to in two months. He hasn’t changed and is still trying to control me. At this point, I really am not up to or do I feel inclined to reach out to him even though I know it’s not the polite thing to do. Am I wrong?
No it's not wrong. Stop torturing yourself.
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