Fallen in love with an unhappily married woman (dating, marriage, lover)
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My mind is all over the place at the moment and I could do with some help. I will start from the beginning....
I worked in the same place as this woman and we always got along and people always knew I liked her. About 4 months ago she started messaging me and we got on even more and then we started texting. I learnt that she is in an unhappy marriage where her and her husband live pretty much separate lives, they take turns at looking after the kids and even go on separate holidays with the kids. I got told that they haven't even hugged in 3 years.
Since then, it has developed into a lot more than texting, we meet up every now and again, in secret of course, and sometimes it is only got 15/20 minutes. She now works somewhere else across town. I've never got on with anyone as well as her and I'm scared that i have fallen in love for something that I am never going to be able to have. She has said that she has always planned to separate with him but has no idea when, she's been unhappy for over 3 years with no physical or emotional support. She's worried about the impact on others etc as she has 2 kids.
What should I do? I sometimes think about trying to end it but it would hurt way too much to do it.
My mind is all over the place at the moment and I could do with some help. I will start from the beginning....
I worked in the same place as this woman and we always got along and people always knew I liked her. About 4 months ago she started messaging me and we got on even more and then we started texting. I learnt that she is in an unhappy marriage where her and her husband live pretty much separate lives, they take turns at looking after the kids and even go on separate holidays with the kids. I got told that they haven't even hugged in 3 years.
Since then, it has developed into a lot more than texting, we meet up every now and again, in secret of course, and sometimes it is only got 15/20 minutes. She now works somewhere else across town. I've never got on with anyone as well as her and I'm scared that i have fallen in love for something that I am never going to be able to have. She has said that she has always planned to separate with him but has no idea when, she's been unhappy for over 3 years with no physical or emotional support. She's worried about the impact on others etc as she has 2 kids.
What should I do? I sometimes think about trying to end it but it would hurt way too much to do it.
Thanks
It's gonna hurt no matter what you do, so you have to just choose one option.
She may never leave him. You have NO IDEA how long someone can stay in an unhappy marriage. If you think it's painful to end this affair, multiply it by 100 to imagine breaking up a family.
My advice is to go cold turkey and cut contact with her. Rip off that band-aid because it won't get any easier.
This lady is married with 2 kids. That is a lot of baggage. She said that she has been unhappy for 3 years yet remains in the marriage. If you end it i can guarantee that this lady will simply move on. You on the other hand are EXTREMELY emotionally invested in this "relationship". Get out, NOW!
I have a funny feeling that this lady has other lovers.
My mind is all over the place at the moment and I could do with some help. I will start from the beginning....
I worked in the same place as this woman and we always got along and people always knew I liked her. About 4 months ago she started messaging me and we got on even more and then we started texting. I learnt that she is in an unhappy marriage where her and her husband live pretty much separate lives, they take turns at looking after the kids and even go on separate holidays with the kids. I got told that they haven't even hugged in 3 years.
Since then, it has developed into a lot more than texting, we meet up every now and again, in secret of course, and sometimes it is only got 15/20 minutes. She now works somewhere else across town. I've never got on with anyone as well as her and I'm scared that i have fallen in love for something that I am never going to be able to have. She has said that she has always planned to separate with him but has no idea when, she's been unhappy for over 3 years with no physical or emotional support. She's worried about the impact on others etc as she has 2 kids.
What should I do? I sometimes think about trying to end it but it would hurt way too much to do it.
If what she says is true, it is possible that she’s never had a good reason to get a divorce until now. You might be the person who makes her see that she is settling for less than she deserves.
On the other hand, you should not waste too much time waiting for her to fish or cut bait. The time you waste waiting for a married woman, is time you might have found someone who is free.
I got told that they haven't even hugged in 3 years.
I am sorry but I would be skeptical about this. I bet they still do "it" on occasion.
Yup. Oldest story in the book.
1) Naive person is smitten with another person.
2) Other person uses naive person as sounding board to compain about bad marriages, spinning out a narrative to portray spouse in the worst possible light. Repays attention by occasionally making the beast with two backs in furtive couplings in hotel rooms and remote corners of public parks.
3) Naive person wants to become the hero of the other person.
4) Other person, push comes to shove, says, "I'm not leaving my spouse."
My mind is all over the place at the moment and I could do with some help. I will start from the beginning....
I worked in the same place as this woman and we always got along and people always knew I liked her. About 4 months ago she started messaging me and we got on even more and then we started texting. I learnt that she is in an unhappy marriage where her and her husband live pretty much separate lives, they take turns at looking after the kids and even go on separate holidays with the kids. I got told that they haven't even hugged in 3 years.
Since then, it has developed into a lot more than texting, we meet up every now and again, in secret of course, and sometimes it is only got 15/20 minutes. She now works somewhere else across town. I've never got on with anyone as well as her and I'm scared that i have fallen in love for something that I am never going to be able to have. She has said that she has always planned to separate with him but has no idea when, she's been unhappy for over 3 years with no physical or emotional support. She's worried about the impact on others etc as she has 2 kids.
What should I do? I sometimes think about trying to end it but it would hurt way too much to do it.
Thanks
You have developed feelings for a woman who is unavailable. You know what you need to do about that, everyone on this thread has repeated it, you need to end it and move on with your life and that advice is excellent.
But there is the second issue which I haven't heard anyone else. Which is why were you in a position to develop feelings for someone else who was married to someone else?
You are lonely. But the way to solve that problem isn't to insert your life into someone else's life whose life is pretty chaotic. You deserve better than this woman. I think this situation is a pretty concrete sign, that its time to re-enter the dating process in a more formal way such as on line dating, where you can figure out your realistic options and realize you don't need to be settling for someone with kids married to someone else who only texts you, but never does anything with you like hold your hand or eat dinner with you or travel with you or any of the other things you can find in a healthy relationship.
Why settle for such a cr#ppy relationship?
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