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She is 30-something and he is 13 years older than her. She obviously is not interested in children because most women are grounded and looking to do that by the time they are 30-something.
She's not grounded and not looking to be. She should set him free, unless they are both mental cases and like the difficulty of joining up, sort of like when women want to marry a serial killer because they are behind bars...
What?
I know quite a few women who wanted kids but the circumstances weren't right until they were exiting their 30s. They had kids at 40. Or are working on it in their 40s.
Traveling frequently doesn't mean you aren't "grounded." The OPs idea about her life is different than yours.
Of course if you have kids, traveling frequently would be nearly impossible, but it isn't a character flaw to not want kids or want to travel or not to want to be tied down in one place. These days it is a lot easier to not be tied to one place and still have stability.
One of my acquaintances is engaged and her and her fiancé will spend next year mostly traveling the world together - they both have jobs that allow them to work in flexible locations. They have also purchased a home together. Best of both worlds for them.
I know quite a few women who wanted kids but the circumstances weren't right until they were exiting their 30s. They had kids at 40. Or are working on it in their 40s.
Traveling frequently doesn't mean you aren't "grounded." The OPs idea about her life is different than yours.
Of course if you have kids, traveling frequently would be nearly impossible, but it isn't a character flaw to not want kids or want to travel or not to want to be tied down in one place. These days it is a lot easier to not be tied to one place and still have stability.
One of my acquaintances is engaged and her and her fiancé will spend next year mostly traveling the world together - they both have jobs that allow them to work in flexible locations. They have also purchased a home together. Best of both worlds for them.
The OP is also a physician, which means she was in medical school and residency in her 20s and possibly into her early 30s. It is pretty hard to meet anyone (unless it is a fellow doctor or someone else you meet through medicine) with the type of schedules she had until she finished residency.
As I pointed out earlier upthread. My cousin has a travel job like the OP and after her divorce, she ended up marrying another man who has a much more flexible job that allows him to travel more. They travel a lot together, BUT are not in situations where they are requesting the other to make changes in lifestyle or career for the other person. They met when they were in their 40s and do work related to real estate.
Just tell you only see him as a fwb, or what ever other term that indicates you see him as a fun time companion, but not a relationship.
lol. Yeah, that'll go over well with a guy who's pushing her to move in with him after only 4 months of knowing her, AND wants her to be at his side 365 days/year.
Still, your comment points out sharply, that she needs to be honest with him (which she may have done, perhaps several times, per her telling of it), perhaps clarifying in her own mind first, that they're not on the same page regarding some basic concerns. I have the feeling she thinks they get along great, because up to now she's placed more importance on how much fun they have together, vs. the disagreements about the longer-term vision each of the has for the relationship. But that long-term relationship goal thingie is a key issue.
You all have made a lot of good points and I will continue to think about them
In response to some questions, I have made some smart money choices early on and I don’t have a lot of expenses so I am able to save a lot and I travel cheaply. I have a nice egg set up for myself and could honestly retire right now but I quite like my job. So I am completely financially independent and as long as I don’t have a complete mid life crisis or big medical emergency, I think I will be ok.
I think maybe my priorities will change down the road but I also see myself travelling a lot well into life. I’m a big adventure traveler (mountaineering, hiking, kayaking) and maybe I’ll pull back on that but I feel like I should take advantage of my age and good health now and keep doing that. I feel like my boyfriend was the same way when he was my age but now that he’s older his priorities are a bit different and so that’s why we may be a mismatch. I have spent the last five years travelling around 180 days per year. I’m very fortunate to be able to do that and be able to save money, but it has really made me selfish in that I can go wherever I want without worrying about anyone else. It is just a lot to go from being so independent to being with someone so much and I am working on that. I’m also very introverted and need a lot of alone time.
I will be very honest with him and we’ll see if we are compatible or not. We have that upcoming trip. If I feel like we can’t meet in the middle. then we aren’t compatible. And that would make me sad but everything in life is about timing. It is not fair to string him along either if I can’t adjust and compromise to what would be acceptable for him.
You all have made a lot of good points and I will continue to think about them
In response to some questions, I have made some smart money choices early on and I don’t have a lot of expenses so I am able to save a lot and I travel cheaply. I have a nice egg set up for myself and could honestly retire right now but I quite like my job. So I am completely financially independent and as long as I don’t have a complete mid life crisis or big medical emergency, I think I will be ok.
I think maybe my priorities will change down the road but I also see myself travelling a lot well into life. I’m a big adventure traveler (mountaineering, hiking, kayaking) and maybe I’ll pull back on that but I feel like I should take advantage of my age and good health now and keep doing that. I feel like my boyfriend was the same way when he was my age but now that he’s older his priorities are a bit different and so that’s why we may be a mismatch. I have spent the last five years travelling around 180 days per year. I’m very fortunate to be able to do that and be able to save money, but it has really made me selfish in that I can go wherever I want without worrying about anyone else. It is just a lot to go from being so independent to being with someone so much and I am working on that. I’m also very introverted and need a lot of alone time.
I will be very honest with him and we’ll see if we are compatible or not. We have that upcoming trip. If I feel like we can’t meet in the middle. then we aren’t compatible. And that would make me sad but everything in life is about timing. It is not fair to string him along either if I can’t adjust and compromise to what would be acceptable for him.
Hope things work out well.
This thread is probably one of the first I've seen in a good long while that seemed legit and didn't have a narrative to spin/sell.
You all have made a lot of good points and I will continue to think about them
In response to some questions, I have made some smart money choices early on and I don’t have a lot of expenses so I am able to save a lot and I travel cheaply. I have a nice egg set up for myself and could honestly retire right now but I quite like my job. So I am completely financially independent and as long as I don’t have a complete mid life crisis or big medical emergency, I think I will be ok.
I think maybe my priorities will change down the road but I also see myself travelling a lot well into life. I’m a big adventure traveler (mountaineering, hiking, kayaking) and maybe I’ll pull back on that but I feel like I should take advantage of my age and good health now and keep doing that. I feel like my boyfriend was the same way when he was my age but now that he’s older his priorities are a bit different and so that’s why we may be a mismatch. I have spent the last five years travelling around 180 days per year. I’m very fortunate to be able to do that and be able to save money, but it has really made me selfish in that I can go wherever I want without worrying about anyone else. It is just a lot to go from being so independent to being with someone so much and I am working on that. I’m also very introverted and need a lot of alone time.
I will be very honest with him and we’ll see if we are compatible or not. We have that upcoming trip. If I feel like we can’t meet in the middle. then we aren’t compatible. And that would make me sad but everything in life is about timing. It is not fair to string him along either if I can’t adjust and compromise to what would be acceptable for him.
There are plenty of people like you at all ages. You just need to meet the right person. I’m in my 40s, but I go hiking with a meetup group who has a lot of people in their 50s and 60s and many of them are going on incredible adventure trips all over the world, hiking, kayaking, and doing all sorts of fun stuff. In my last city, one group was headed by a retired military guy and his wife who had super flexible schedules and did all sorts of traveling. He had attempted a full-time 9-5 job but seemed totally disinterested in it. At any rate, your people are totally out there if you are looking for them!
Lol...We could be twins lifestyle wise. What I don’t get is why you’re you keep engaging with him when you clearly don’t want the same things? Personally speaking, if a guy was telling me he loves me, wants to live together and was blowing up my phone with calls and texts after only 4 months I’d see more red flags than a Chinese New Years Parade! Him complaining about my activities would scream...run Forest run! If I explained things to him and if he was still having issues it would be time to end it.... for me anyway.
If you continue on.... he’s not going to be happy, and if you ( just to appease him) alter your lifestyle I don’t think it would be long before you started resenting him and the whole thing going south.
It’s not immature or selfish for you to want to do your own thing, but it would be If you continued on knowing that he had a problem with it and expected him to go along.
Right now I am in the South of France chillin in a little cottage in the countryside. This morning I was having coffee at my kitchen table while watching two young shirtless hunks digging up a tree trunk. Lol Went horseback riding with one of them in the afternoon and when we got back... nobody had blown up my phone saying that they missed me or asking when I’d be home. Could be a month.... could be three, I’ll get back, when I get back.... if I come back. Doesn’t sound to me like you’re ready to give up your lifestyle... yet. I know for sure that I am not.
I think that you should ask yourself if you’re on the fence, don’t want to lose him, or just wanting your cake and eat it too.
You all have made a lot of good points and I will continue to think about them
In response to some questions, I have made some smart money choices early on and I don’t have a lot of expenses so I am able to save a lot and I travel cheaply. I have a nice egg set up for myself and could honestly retire right now but I quite like my job. So I am completely financially independent and as long as I don’t have a complete mid life crisis or big medical emergency, I think I will be ok.
I think maybe my priorities will change down the road but I also see myself travelling a lot well into life. I’m a big adventure traveler (mountaineering, hiking, kayaking) and maybe I’ll pull back on that but I feel like I should take advantage of my age and good health now and keep doing that. I feel like my boyfriend was the same way when he was my age but now that he’s older his priorities are a bit different and so that’s why we may be a mismatch. I have spent the last five years travelling around 180 days per year. I’m very fortunate to be able to do that and be able to save money, but it has really made me selfish in that I can go wherever I want without worrying about anyone else. It is just a lot to go from being so independent to being with someone so much and I am working on that. I’m also very introverted and need a lot of alone time.
I will be very honest with him and we’ll see if we are compatible or not. We have that upcoming trip. If I feel like we can’t meet in the middle. then we aren’t compatible. And that would make me sad but everything in life is about timing. It is not fair to string him along either if I can’t adjust and compromise to what would be acceptable for him.
Maybe it’s me, but I can’t see the prudence of going on another trip with this guy ( who is already heavily invested) while you still have an unresolved issue with him or in your own head. I think you’re sending mixed messages. Doesn’t sound like you’re looking for a compromise as much as trying to get him to see your side and be ok with it. What are “you” willing to compromise on? Where is the “middle” for you?
Last edited by Sydney123; 11-15-2019 at 05:34 PM..
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