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Awhile back I made a post about how I might be the problem when it comes to social interacting. I would like to thank all of you for your honest feedback, and since then, I have been working on myself a lot. One issue I mentioned was my girlfriend's friends and how they can be preachy with me, start arguments, or picking a topic to talk about, which results in me getting attacked for having different views/opinions. This past weekend, my girlfriend did a wine tasting event at the house, and her friends ended up coming to it; some towards the end of it.
We all hungout in the living room and were conversing and having some drinks, and everything was great. Halfway through it though, I began to get annoyed by all of them. They all like to crack jokes, as do I. Sometimes I take things personally, but I have been seeing a therapist for the past month and a half to work on some issues, including that, so I have been doing a lot better. The group suddenly felt like it was time to crack jokes about me. At first it was fun, and I gave it back. Then it began to feel like the jokes weren't really jokes anymore. Example, my girlfriend's dog chewed the hell out of her TV remote, to the point where the chips and circuit board are showing. One of her friends at one point said, "Well, DK736 is Mr IT Pro, why hasn't he fixed it?" So I told her friend, "Well, I researched a replacement remote, and Samsung wants almost $80 for one. However, I-" That was as far as I got before their annoying friend who is considered one of the girls apparently, begins on this rant and tries lecturing me about things he knows I already know.
"Why would you spend $80 on a remote?! They make 3rd party ones for so much cheaper! How are you in IT and into tech and you don't know what a 3rd party brand is?" I replied, "You're joking right? I do know what they are, and many times I will go 3rd party if the reviews are good, and if the product is a solid alternative compared to an OEM part. And if you had let me finish speaking, I was just going to tell you I checked reviews and sent her a link to Amazon for a good 3rd party replacement." He then replies to tell me I am cheap and a lousy boyfriend for not ordering it myself. Now all of her girl friends are jumping in saying the same. I told them all that I have no issue buying her a new remote, and that it was her that asked for the link. I would be more than happy to buy it for her. She joined in and called me cheap too, and then laughed, which I didn't find funny. When they asked how it happened again and she said it was her dog, the same guy goes, "You sure it wasn't DK's dog? I think he's putting the blame on yours," to which everyone laughed. I said, "I honestly don't care if you're joking, but my dog didn't chew the remote. She doesn't go on a chewing spree when we leave the house for a bit like her dog does." He replied in a snarky tone, "But how do you actually know?" "Gee, maybe because when I came home from the gym one afternoon, I literally walked in on him crunching down on the remote? And I have seen him do it multiple times when she forgets to hide it from his view."
They continued on to which I began to tune them out, because it was just stupid conversation. I tried talking to other people yet I kept becoming the butt of everyone's joke again. I tried going upstairs so I could be by myself in my man cave, and my girlfriend told me I was being rude and a jerk if I did that. So I went back into the room and stayed quiet. After some time had passed, I saw one of her friend's boyfriend who's kind of anti-social was on his phone, so I just decided to do the same. The same guy giving me crap earlier goes, "Whatcha doing on your phone? Arguing with people on Facebook? No, I bet you saw a liberal meme and got mad didn't you?" I calmly replied, "Not gonna talk about politics. Not fair to everyone else here." His response was, "Well, you're brainwashed by the news anyways, so it would be you just repeating things back like a mindless drone." I told him to shut the hell up and I am not brainwashed, and kept to myself. After a few minutes, I was over it. I went upstairs to be alone with my shows. Girlfriend texted me telling me to come back down, and I told her I wasn't going to. I enjoyed the rest of the time they were there alone from them and it felt great. When they left, I went downstairs and said goodbye. My girlfriend told me how I upset her by doing that. I told her I didn't want to talk about it and she let it go. The next day, she told me she had a great night with the wine tasting, but wished I didn't act the way I did. I felt that was unfair, seeing as I didn't start any arguments with anyone, and avoided talking about politics. I also told her I was socially drained on top of them ganging up on me and I just wanted to be alone. She got mad and told me it was a lame excuse and that her friends are awesome, and I am the one with the problem. At that point I told her, "Hey, if you're friends are awesome, then I am happy for you. That's great. After last night I did some thinking, and I honestly don't care for them. Next time we get together, I think I'll sit that one out."
This made her upset for most of the day, but she stopped bugging me about it. Am I wrong for not wanting to be around her friends from here on out? She has a lot of friends, and I like a few of the other ones, but this group in particular is her core group of friends. I only have 2 friends and I don't see them too often, but I would rather be by myself than hangout with her friends. Does this make me a bad person? I love my girlfriend and I love our relationship, but I just don't care to be around her friends.
Is your GF aware of your social issues, your tendency to take things personally, and that you're working with a therapist?
If yes - while her friends were being jerks (there's a difference between bantering among friends and just being mean - they sound mean & snarky), I place some blame on your GF for not recognizing what was happening, stepping in, and steering the conversation to a different topic.
If I had friends that spoke to someone I cared about like that - they wouldn't be my friends any longer.
LOL I wish they weren't. None of them were brought up by me though, so at least I have that going for me.
Yeah, but you reacted to them as if they were real inquiries instead of just BSing back to them.
For the record, they were being a-holes, and your GF was a jerk for not recognizing that they are a-holes.
But ... I went back to sort which threads were yours to give this relationship some context, and I honestly can't believe you are still with her. And it sounds like you live together now??
I've spent a ton of time in your previous threads. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist because I think your AND our time would be better spent there than continuing to ignore what we advise here.
Is your GF aware of your social issues, your tendency to take things personally, and that you're working with a therapist?
If yes - while her friends were being jerks (there's a difference between bantering among friends and just being mean - they sound mean & snarky), I place some blame on your GF for not recognizing what was happening, stepping in, and steering the conversation to a different topic.
If I had friends that spoke to someone I cared about like that - they wouldn't be my friends any longer.
Hello HokieFan! Yes, she is aware of all them. She has also helped me work on my issues as well, and is very supportive of me seeing a therapist. She claims she tried changing the subject a few times, but I never heard or saw her try to. Except for the political topic, which I didn't bring up, nor did I take the bait to engage in it. I only said something when he made the comment about me being brainwashed by the media, and that was really the only time she said to drop it. What irritated me was I replied saying I didn't do anything wrong, and one of her girl friend's snide remark was, "we know, she wants you to stop talking about it. THAT is what she's saying." I was like are you friggin' kidding me?!
Yeah, but you reacted to them as if they were real inquiries instead of just BSing back to them.
For the record, they were being a-holes, and your GF was a jerk for not recognizing that they are a-holes.
But ... I went back to sort which threads were yours to give this relationship some context, and I honestly can't believe you are still with her. And it sounds like you live together now??
I've spent a ton of time in your previous threads. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist because I think your AND our time would be better spent there than continuing to ignore what we advise here.
I was BSing back, but I got a vibe that they weren't jokes anymore. Yes, we have been living together since June. She and I have been fine though. Aside from this incident, we don't really fight or argue. We get along and I like what we have. We have a lot of fun, we have a good sex life, and we enjoy each other's company. It is possible to work on issues you have with your SO and turn things around for the better. I just don't really care for her friends.
I was BSing back, but I got a vibe that they weren't jokes anymore. Yes, we have been living together since June. She and I have been fine though. Aside from this incident, we don't really fight or argue. We get along and I like what we have. We have a lot of fun, we have a good sex life, and we enjoy each other's company. It is possible to work on issues you have with your SO and turn things around for the better. I just don't really care for her friends.
You didn't BS from the beginning; you started to answer him literally with the steps you were taking to replace the remote. If they are "teasing" you with BS attacks, respond with BS only. Don't take any thing they say personally or literally.
The way she acts around her friends IS relevant, though, and you will not be successful (or justified) in removing her friends from her life.
It's not a good sign for sustaining this long term, no matter how good the sex is. Because she won't want to have sex with someone she doesn't respect, and neither will you.
You didn't BS from the beginning; you started to answer him literally with the steps you were taking to replace the remote. If they are "teasing" you with BS attacks, respond with BS only. Don't take any thing they say personally or literally.
The way she acts around her friends IS relevant, though, and you will not be successful (or justified) in removing her friends from her life.
It's not a good sign for sustaining this long term, no matter how good the sex is. Because she won't want to have sex with someone she doesn't respect, and neither will you.
I understand. I laughed and tried playing it off, but I felt like I was being ganged up at one point, which is why I answered him literally. I would never try to remove her friends from her life. These people were here before me. She has created memories with these people and they are her good friends, so I would never try to take them away from her. I was just thinking maybe I can sit out certain gatherings with them. Not all the time, but some of them.
The one guy sounds like a total prick. Sounds like he doesn't like you much for some reason. You aren't out of line. Could be a problem moving forward.
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