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Come on, dude. If you really and truly believe the hooey you're spewing, I feel sorry for any partner that may come your way. If you don't truly believe what you're spewing and are just trying to get folks to agree with you and give you tactic "permission," permission is denied.
Look, if you want to mislead and deceive other people, have at it; no one can stop that. I will tell you this, though--the lessons will be repeated until they are learned. You, my friend have many lessons to learn re how to treat a partner. It's the whole "do-unto-others" stuff. Right?
Lying is an intention to deceive. If you intend to deceive someone by leaving out a piece of information, that would otherwise cause the other person to make a different decision, you have lied.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mink57
Lying is an intention to deceive. If you intend to deceive someone by leaving out a piece of information, that would otherwise cause the other person to make a different decision, you have lied.
Come on, dude. If you really and truly believe the hooey you're spewing, I feel sorry for any partner that may come your way. If you don't truly believe what you're spewing and are just trying to get folks to agree with you and give you tactic "permission," permission is denied.
Look, if you want to mislead and deceive other people, have at it; no one can stop that. I will tell you this, though--the lessons will be repeated until they are learned. You, my friend have many lessons to learn re how to treat a partner. It's the whole "do-unto-others" stuff. Right?
I was going to say something nasty to you, but I won't.
You know why?
Cause I don't feel like saying something nasty to you.
So ... a phrase/sentiment I've seen here a fair amount is that if you're not committed to someone else's vision of your future together, you're essentially wasting their time.
I personally find that opinion to be a bit odd. People have various reasons for being with other people, various reasons for staying with people for various amounts of time, and various degrees of commitment and doubt.
So, really saying somebody is wasting your time is like saying ... your job is wasting your time for making you work a job you do not like.
Let's say you have a vision for your future and it includes the obligatory kids and marriage and throwing wine glasses into the fireplace and having passionate sex while the kids are at camp.
Unless your partner is spouting off stuff like "You're the only one for me" and implanting images in your head of taking turns dropping the kids off at daycare, well then, they're not leading you on or wasting your time.
And even if they are, I would say it's your responsibility for determining if they truly feel the same way.
Being in a relationship IMO is a shared life experience. You choose to share and enjoy this time in your life with somebody.
While I do agree that finding another person gets harder the older you get, if you decide to stay with somebody who does not share your vision of the future, or is even unsure about you, that is your problem and you're wasting your own time.
I've had the opinion for awhile now that not everyone is cut out for marriage or parenthood. I consider myself one of those not cut out for it, and I've never been married or had kids. Just because society says something is the thing to do, doesn't mean I have to follow it. I do my own thing.
But does that mean I sequester myself and never interact with anyone because I don't follow the majority rule? Can I take a chance that I find others with similiar personality or philosophy?
I have dated guys who were traditional, but I didn't misrepresent myself to them. What would be the point? So they would commit to me only to divorce a few years later when we both realize we want different things? Seriously, why would I waste both of our times, when I know already thats not where I'm heading. I give them full disclosure and they can choose if we are on the same path, or not.
When this becomes an issue is when someone has unhealthy coping, this happened once. I think this man was unhealthy in many ways, but he saw me as a project he had to reform, rather than accepting my own choices. He thought I had to be beaten into submission to become a good Christian wife.
It won't happen though. I am just not cut out for that and there is no need to lie to myself or others about it. I believe in full disclosure and I don't believe in forcing anyone to fit into your own ideal.
But I have still carried on relationships with people of the same phisopsophy as mine. We exist and can find each other, but the ones who fake it or lie or think its their job to reform you, will not always be easy to avoid.
I've had the opinion for awhile now that not everyone is cut out for marriage or parenthood. I consider myself one of those not cut out for it, and I've never been married or had kids. Just because society says something is the thing to do, doesn't mean I have to follow it. I do my own thing.
But does that mean I sequester myself and never interact with anyone because I don't follow the majority rule? Can I take a chance that I find others with similiar personality or philosophy?
I have dated guys who were traditional, but I didn't misrepresent myself to them. What would be the point? So they would commit to me only to divorce a few years later when we both realize we want different things? Seriously, why would I waste both of our times, when I know already thats not where I'm heading. I give them full disclosure and they can choose if we are on the same path, or not.
When this becomes an issue is when someone has unhealthy coping, this happened once. I think this man was unhealthy in many ways, but he saw me as a project he had to reform, rather than accepting my own choices. He thought I had to be beaten into submission to become a good Christian wife.
It won't happen though. I am just not cut out for that and there is no need to lie to myself or others about it. I believe in full disclosure and I don't believe in forcing anyone to fit into your own ideal.
But I have still carried on relationships with people of the same phisopsophy as mine. We exist and can find each other, but the ones who fake it or lie or think its their job to reform you, will not always be easy to avoid.
I've had the opinion for awhile now that not everyone is cut out for marriage or parenthood. I consider myself one of those not cut out for it, and I've never been married or had kids. Just because society says something is the thing to do, doesn't mean I have to follow it. I do my own thing.
But does that mean I sequester myself and never interact with anyone because I don't follow the majority rule? Can I take a chance that I find others with similiar personality or philosophy?
I have dated guys who were traditional, but I didn't misrepresent myself to them. What would be the point? So they would commit to me only to divorce a few years later when we both realize we want different things? Seriously, why would I waste both of our times, when I know already thats not where I'm heading. I give them full disclosure and they can choose if we are on the same path, or not.
When this becomes an issue is when someone has unhealthy coping, this happened once. I think this man was unhealthy in many ways, but he saw me as a project he had to reform, rather than accepting my own choices. He thought I had to be beaten into submission to become a good Christian wife.
It won't happen though. I am just not cut out for that and there is no need to lie to myself or others about it. I believe in full disclosure and I don't believe in forcing anyone to fit into your own ideal.
But I have still carried on relationships with people of the same phisopsophy as mine. We exist and can find each other, but the ones who fake it or lie or think its their job to reform you, will not always be easy to avoid.
Good response.
By the way, I just want to say one thing, and it has nothing to do with this thread.
As shown in some of my responses, it was CLEAR that I wanted to discuss things reasonably, have look at specific examples in context, and share opinions of different real-life scenarios, and even possibly agree that it is immoral in certain contexts.
But ... instead, people starting coming at my jugular for making a few very generalized comments.
Ya know, just calm down. I myself, am trying to be more civilized as a poster here. Back in the day, I used to get really heated on this place, and I know I've said some iffy things to people. It's not worth it.
By the way, I just want to say one thing, and it has nothing to do with this thread.
As shown in some of my responses, it was CLEAR that I wanted to discuss things reasonably, have look at specific examples in context, and share opinions of different real-life scenarios, and even possibly agree that it is immoral in certain contexts.
But ... instead, people starting coming at my jugular for making a few very generalized comments.
Ya know, just calm down. I myself, am trying to be more civilized as a poster here. Back in the day, I used to get really heated on this place, and I know I've said some iffy things to people. It's not worth it.
I didn't read the whole thread because I have noticed when I read other responses it can influence my response, and sometimes I don't want that. I want to say something purely from my own perspective.
I agree, this forum gets heated. People can be very emotional here. This is probably the most emotionally reactive subforum here. My guess is most people here either are or have been through difficult relationship experiences, and sometimes something posted reminds them of a bad memory, I think.
By the way, I just want to say one thing, and it has nothing to do with this thread.
As shown in some of my responses, it was CLEAR that I wanted to discuss things reasonably, have look at specific examples in context, and share opinions of different real-life scenarios, and even possibly agree that it is immoral in certain contexts.
But ... instead, people starting coming at my jugular for making a few very generalized comments.
Ya know, just calm down. I myself, am trying to be more civilized as a poster here. Back in the day, I used to get really heated on this place, and I know I've said some iffy things to people. It's not worth it.
Yah you got ... I thought only one... pretty out there one.
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