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Well, for one thing, it's illegal, so yeah--bad idea.
Also, you seem to be assuming, you'd actually get along with each other. This has "train wreck" written all over it!
Have you looked into how this works at all? She only needs to stay married to you for 2 years. BUT you two will need to pass an INS interview, to "prove" it's a "real" marriage. You interview separately, and they grill you with a list of questions, and compare the answers afterwards, to see if your answers match. "What side of the bed do you and she sleep on?" "Who does the cooking, and who cleans up and does the dishes?" "What's her favorite food? What's yours?" And that sort of thing.
Living near Princeton, NJ, and on Sundays I would walk the main street to see the sights. On one corner there was a wooden kiosk which had many ads and what not thumb tacked there. Stopped to read this article put up by a sad man whose Russian bride had divorced him after the two year waiting period and took him for all that he was worth. Sad, sad story oft repeated.
I never thought I would do something like this but nothing else is working and I’m at my wits end with trying to organically find someone.
So I figured this is my only chance at finding someone and who knows maybe she can grow to love me.
Bad idea. Marrying someone who wants something from you - she is going to be gone the moment she doesn't need you anymore, I promise you that. She will not grow to love you, that is very naive, I am sorry, dude. She most likely will not just leave but taking half or more of everything you have and maybe you have to pay support for her because YOU brought her here and promised the government to support her.
Besides the fact that it is illegal.
Lower your standards and you will find love in the US.
Bad idea. Marrying someone who wants something from you - she is going to be gone the moment she doesn't need you anymore, I promise you that. She will not grow to love you, that is very naive, I am sorry, dude. She most likely will not just leave but taking half or more of everything you have and maybe you have to pay support for her because YOU brought her here and promised the government to support her.
Besides the fact that it is illegal.
Lower your standards and you will find love in the US.
I frequently agree with you, but the lower your standards part I just don't. The only women attracted to me are obese women and I'm not obese. Why should I date a woman who doesn't have a similar lifestyle and I'm not attracted to. Thats a recipe for disaster, as I've done that before in an effort to convince myself I could. What I'm going to do is different than what the OP is suggesting, but similar risks. I'm going to make sure I'm financially protected.
Living near Princeton, NJ, and on Sundays I would walk the main street to see the sights. On one corner there was a wooden kiosk which had many ads and what not thumb tacked there. Stopped to read this article put up by a sad man whose Russian bride had divorced him after the two year waiting period and took him for all that he was worth. Sad, sad story oft repeated.
Sure, and those stories circulate among the Russian (Polish, etc.) immigre communities, too, so as soon as the women arrive, they find out about how the divorce laws work.
I know a guy who got conned while working in Russia. He genuinely fell in love with the woman, but she was just faking it. They married, moved to the States when his temp job in Russia was over, and settled down. Or so he thought. The day after the 2-year requirement was fulfilled, she filed for divorce, and confessed to him, that she only married him to get out of Russia. He was devastated! He didn't have any assets for her to claim, and somehow they parted amicably (??? More conning, I guess?), but it took him awhile to get over it. Later, he went back to Russia and got hired locally for a permanent job, met another woman, married her, lived there for a few years, and when they came to the states, that one stuck around. He's living happily ever after, now. Most guys wouldn't have gone back to risk another disaster, though.
I frequently agree with you, but the lower your standards part I just don't. The only women attracted to me are obese women and I'm not obese. Why should I date a woman who doesn't have a similar lifestyle and I'm not attracted to. Thats a recipe for disaster, as I've done that before in an effort to convince myself I could. What I'm going to do is different than what the OP is suggesting, but similar risks. I'm going to make sure I'm financially protected.
I was referring to the OP. He is struggling to even find someone to go on dates with if I remember correctly.
You are not struggling because of your looks, you frequently have women interested in you, just not the right ones. 80% of the guys who are interested in me are obese or total losers, too, that's totally normal. Because most singles our age are like that, our culture in the US is full with overweight people. The internet allows them to think you (or I) are an option for them, while you think "really??? I go doing hiking/jogging/gym on weekends while you ... eat .. and you think you and I are a good match??"
My tenant has a gf in Columbia for 2 years, he is over 50 and she is over 50, he is a former model and she looks okay, too. He paid off her apartment where she still owed half ($3k) and he pays her what she would have gotten if she works ($13/day) - he let her quit her job. This can totally work - he has been there plenty of times, they spent up to 4 months together, they are on the phone every day and he is flying there next month. He speaks her language.
He was hoping to bring her here for a visit but she is not allowed to get a visitors visa. They have been battling for a year now for her to visit the US but they say she doesn't have enough ties to her country (even though she has that apartment, a grown son and her family). He may up end up marrying her and brings her over - I hear her talk on the phone, she sounds lovely.
My point - it takes time to establish something real and stay within your league.
I was referring to the OP. He is struggling to even find someone to go on dates with if I remember correctly.
You are not struggling because of your looks, you frequently have women interested in you, just not the right ones. 80% of the guys who are interested in me are obese or total losers, too, that's totally normal. Because most singles our age are like that, our culture in the US is full with overweight people. The internet allows them to think you (or I) are an option for them, while you think "really??? I go doing hiking/jogging/gym on weekends while you ... eat .. and you think you and I are a good match??"
LOL, exactly. OK, we are on the same page. I just have heard repeatedly my standards are too high. Why should I settle for an obese woman when I myself am in good shape? That was my point, and I had opened myself up to it in the past. Its just not a good idea. Back to the OP though...what I'm planning is different from him. I can get dates, just not with women I desire. Location is a huge piece of it but also, to your point, obesity in this country is an epidemic, particularly with middle aged people. Notice I said people, not women. It applies to all sexes (evidently there's 1000's of sexes now, who knew?).
Also, I'm not unrealistic on my "league", but I'm not going to go below it either.
I feel like any woman agreeing to this is because they want to come to 'the land of opportunity' and not out of any sort of love or interest in the guy beyond what he can provide.
LOL, exactly. OK, we are on the same page. I just have heard repeatedly my standards are too high. Why should I settle for an obese woman when I myself am in good shape? That was my point, and I had opened myself up to it in the past. Its just not a good idea. Back to the OP though...what I'm planning is different from him. I can get dates, just not with women I desire. Location is a huge piece of it but also, to your point, obesity in this country is an epidemic, particularly with middle aged people. Notice I said people, not women. It applies to all sexes (evidently there's 1000's of sexes now, who knew?).
Also, I'm not unrealistic on my "league", but I'm not going to go below it either.
Your standards aren't too high IMO. I said it before, I think it is your attitude. That plus the fact that we are in an era right now where finding love has become almost impossible - there are too many odd people out there. Have they always been there and we did not encounter them when we were young because they were in their parents basement and we only met the normal people while going out? Did the internet give crazy people and losers the opportunity to come out of their shell ? Or is everyone now flaky and undecided?
Everyone I know - ugly or pretty - has the EXACT same issues while dating. And it creates alot of frustration and self doubt - which in turn makes you less attractive, it is a vicious circle.
I used to go out and meet guys naturally and we dated - since online dating I get so many rejections and people fading away, it really eats on my ego to have 8 out of 10 guys flake on me. Luckily I hear the same from others, so I know this is the norm nowadays.
It is really tough to find someone over 40 who is an okay catch. I don't even care much about the weight, my last guy was about 50lbs overweight, half bald, beer belly and taliban beard - absolutely not my type but somehow he had charisma that drew me in. I am more about finding someone who isn't crazy, loyal, honest, not living with the ex and has a real job - looks are secondary. That has been a real challenge.
Don't do anything illegal. If you want to look overseas, do so. But be real about it. Don't commit fraud. If you marry someone so they can get citizenship, there is no love. No connection. It won't feel like a relationship and you will be putting your freedom in jeopardy.
If you are going to do this, do it to actually find someone, to find love and a relationship.
One thing I will caution you on, I work with a lot of people from all around the world as my day-to-day job. People are people no matter where you go. If you have some issues that make having relationships difficult locally, those same issue may present problems with an overseas bride as well (a lot will depend on the local culture and what your struggles are).
So be sure you understand the culture as well. Maybe start getting involved with people/immigrants from that culture on your local level if you can because no amount of reading and learning is going to completely prepare you for human interaction with the culture. Maybe volunteer to teach English as a second language to people from that culture or attend local cultural events and make connections with people from the culture that way.
Excellent post!
It sounds like you're hoping that by playing the rescuer, she'll appreciate that and fall into your arms. Unless you're writing from inside a movie, that's nearly certain not to happen. Worse, I can easily see you being fleeced. You'll be throwing as many of your resources as possible at her in order to make the rescuer thing happen (which isn't much different from bribing her), and she'll smell blood and might take you to the cleaner. If she isn't devious, she'll probably just be turned off by your desperation and lack of self-respect.
What has been impeding your efforts to find a wife? Looks, weight, height, mental health issues, finances, something else? We're not here to judge you about any of these things, but just offer options for overcoming any impediments.
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