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He didn't tell me about the sexual tension he told his friend and Im ashamed to say I read it in his msgs and it was at the very beginning of their friendship over a year ago, and now hes saying that shes gross and not his type (which physically is true and hes very shallow)
Considering your long detailed OP, this is a really wild one-liner to throw in at this point: "hes very shallow."
If you can say this so casually, after all the hand-wringing you've done, then it sounds like you don't know your ass from your elbow.
Give him a break, give yourself a break. End it, try again with someone else.
Lol so basically if you both become different people, it will work.
Listen to what you’re saying.
He says that hes stayed with me for all these years, his longest relationship, because even in my bad i'm still good. He told my mom that when they had a long talk about me and told her he loves me and wants to make it work and that he sees how good I am and thats why he wants to be with me.
I just think he's actually stupid and doesn't see the problem he's creating. Cause his ex was irrational.
I'm going to find a way to manoeuvre my words in the right way that reaches his brain. Theres times when many ppl explain something to him and it takes this 1 mundane thing for him to be like omg ya and then agree to the thing we've all been telling him for weeks. Because it has to be in His language.
Anyways I'm giving it one last shot and that way I'll know for myself i've tried everything and won't have regrets. It'll be very hard to walk away because our relationship is really good otherwise, and i've never been so patient with a guy before. I used to snap and yell and get bored and leave. He's someone I want to try with if I can get him to understand where i'm coming from.
I have guy friends too and he doesnt have a problem with it because I handle it properly. He says if he doesnt have a problem with it I shouldn't either and that im a hypocrite. But it's not every girl, it's just the ones that give me weird gut vibes and break our communication and trust
I guess I am stupid but I feel like he is worth trying for but i'm at my last attempt so **** it
Now I'm going to attempt to maneuver MY words so that you will understand.
There is something we talk about here at CD called the "sunk cost fallacy." It's an economic concept but it applies to relationships. This quote explains it pretty well:
“The sunk cost effect is the general tendency for people to continue an endeavor, or continue consuming or pursuing an option, if they’ve invested time or money or some resource in it,” says Christopher Olivola, an assistant professor of marketing at Carnegie Mellon’s Tepper School of Business and the author of a new paper on the topic published in the journal Psychological Science. “That effect becomes a fallacy if it’s pushing you to do things that are making you unhappy or worse off.”
It's the thought that you have to continue a failing effort just because you've already put so much time, etc. into it.
Go ahead and have one more talk with him, so can say you did, but if some kid had implied that my daughter was screwed up but told me he was continuing to date her because he "sees the good in her," I'd have led him right out the door.
I just think he's actually stupid and doesn't see the problem he's creating.
You call him stupid and you still want to keep trying to make things work with this loser? Do you hear yourself?
You also have to modify your words to make him understand you because he's incapable of understanding in normal English? Why are you so determined to stay with this loser again??
I don’t know why you keep trying to talk to him. He doesn’t get it. Sounds like he tries to force you to change every time he feels a pinch of restriction.
I would not always bank on a guy saying he's not attracted to her to have confidence nothing is happening. I have seen several examples of guys cheating with a girl and using that excuse with their girlfriend and wife as a sort of alibi.
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