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I didn’t even ask her out on that day, she had asked me out.
But you don't want to be just her friend. You want more than friendship. So decline any future friendship get togethers she offers and always tell her "Thanks, but I cant be just your friend anymore. If you don't want me to date you then we really shouldn't have a friendship". And focus on your life goals like you did before.
Just stopped by to say that this friend zone sounds like a bad place. Reminds me of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" when McMurphy discovers that only he and the Chief have to stay there, and that most of the men McMurphy is fighting for could just sign themselves out. I remember how flabbergasted and disgusted he was that anyone would stay there voluntarily.
Just curious, OP, are you McMurphy or are you Chief?
I was even thinking of buying a starter car for her under 10k because I basically care for her
Dude! Come on! Don't even offer to pay for a pizza lunch unless it's a proper date and you asked her out. Your caring would be expressed by your being there to have lunch with her. Buy her a car, and you'll go $10,000 deeper into your emotional pit when she starts dating some other guy and you see him driving it with her in the passenger seat. And there's not a doubt in my mind that you're deluding yourself about it not being an attempt to buy her love.
I doubt it'll come to that, though. Offer to buy her a car, and she and all the people around her will be highly alarmed. You'll end up with a restraining order.
Is your father in the picture? If not, are there any other older male figures who might give you some words of wisdom and help you adjust your bearing? If not, there's no shame in talking to a professional counselor about managing your romantic emotions.
As a side note for the sake of your job (which you absolutely should not blow off for her), you should have gotten the coat with the company logo back after you lent it to her for that outing. Unless it's something available to the general public, like logoed merchandise available in a gift shop, management isn't likely to be happy about it being worn around by somebody who doesn't have any professional accountability to the company's reputation.
You could help yourself get out of this situation, but you don't want to. Even posting here is keeping her on your mind.
She doesn't want to be with you, and you have to accept that. Force yourself to think about something else when she is on your mind. You may have to do this dozens of times per hour, but it works.
Stop telling yourself that you won't find anyone else as good as her, because that is just not true. You really need to see a therapist to find out why your sense of self worth is so tied up with this one person.
You should go no-contact with her for 30 days, but you won't. Once again, YOU put yourself in the friend zone, and you are keeping yourself there.
I didn’t even ask her out on that day, she had asked me out.
Your very wording is telling. "Asking out" implies a date. "Hanging out" is what one does with friends.
The fact that you want to up the ante (buying her a car?!?), means that her "no" to dating you wasn't taken for an answer by you. Buying her a sandwich, loaning her a jacket, opening doors--those are things that friends do for one another. Even considering to buy her a car? Not at all appropriate, and if she comes from a a good family and has a good support network of rational friends, they would tell her the same and tell her to distance herself from you unless she's willing to give you the opportunity to date her and know the risks that might come along with that.
Distancing yourself from her and telling her exactly why you're doing so might be the best course to take for your mental and emotional health. I'm not unsympathetic to your plight and I know that unrequited love hurts, but your failure to accept that she doesn't want more than friendship from you is not good for you.
Your very wording is telling. "Asking out" implies a date. "Hanging out" is what one does with friends.
The fact that you want to up the ante (buying her a car?!?), means that her "no" to dating you wasn't taken for an answer by you. Buying her a sandwich, loaning her a jacket, opening doors--those are things that friends do for one another. Even considering to buy her a car? Not at all appropriate, and if she comes from a a good family and has a good support network of rational friends, they would tell her the same and tell her to distance herself from you unless she's willing to give you the opportunity to date her and know the risks that might come along with that.
Distancing yourself from her and telling her exactly why you're doing so might be the best course to take for your mental and emotional health. I'm not unsympathetic to your plight and I know that unrequited love hurts, but your failure to accept that she doesn't want more than friendship from you is not good for you.
Yes, the OP needs to distance himself ASAP. Saying you’d skip work for a hang out (that he characterizes as a date, even though it is not) is problematic, but considering buying a car? That’s typically reserved for a family member or a spouse/partner, not a friend you’ve known a few months. Some people can handle having romantic feelings for a friend who doesn’t share the same feelings or can’t act on her feelings, but the OP is clearly not one of those people.
Yes, the OP needs to distance himself ASAP. Saying you’d skip work for a hang out (that he characterizes as a date, even though it is not) is problematic, but considering buying a car? That’s typically reserved for a family member or a spouse/partner, not a friend you’ve known a few months. Some people can handle having romantic feelings for a friend who doesn’t share the same feelings or can’t act on her feelings, but the OP is clearly not one of those people.
OP I can see why she might not be interested in you as more than a friend. If you are willing to go this far as a friend, omg, you would be overwhelming as a boyfriend. I think you really need to take a step back and assess your behavior.
OP I can see why she might not be interested in you as more than a friend. If you are willing to go this far as a friend, omg, you would be overwhelming as a boyfriend. I think you really need to take a step back and assess your behavior.
I haven’t even contacted her yet as of today or yesterday or Saturday.
Its not like I go to her house and stalk her. I give her space and I still haven't contacted her in any way other then if I see her in person I just say hi.
Okay...
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