Just found out I'm pregnant and the situation is really complicated- Should I tell the father or no? (boyfriend, women)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OMG, ignore all the judgemental garbage in here.... on CD everyone is always right and HAS to input their 2 cents. (myself included ).
1) Breathe. It's totally normal to freak out at the positive pregnancy test, even if you were actively trying to have a baby!
2) You're a grown-a$$ woman making her own choices. You're also a grown-a$$ woman taking responsibility for the choices made. Don't apologize for that.
3) It's still early. I hate to be the one to bring this up, but ultimately, the decision of what to do about the baby may be taken away from you. However, the question of whether or not to tell Adam will still be there. Think about your support system and, yes, how you see this future going with Adam. It's way too soon to say, of course, but all we can do at any point is make the BEST choice given the information we have. I tell my kids that if you do your best, then even if it doesn't turn out as you wanted, you will have no regrets.
You must tell him. This is his child too. He has a right to know that. He has a right to be included in the decision on what happens here on out. How could you possibly look to continue a relationship with him and consider keeping such news from him?
I'm in this awful situation and I need advice. Please don't be judgemental, I'm already pretty emotional about this.
I(32y) met this guy, let's call him Dan (34y), about three months ago. I wasn't really sure if I'm interested, but he really liked me, so I thought why not give it a chance. We went on a couple of dates, slept with each other, but then after seeing each other for about three weeks (which obviously isn't much), he had to go on a business trip for six weeks. I liked him so we would stay in touch while he's gone, and we actually ended up talking on the phone every day.He hadn't been gone for a week even when he asked me if I want to meet him for a little weekend getaway before we go back to the place we both live. I said sure, why not, so we booked it, flights and everything. FYI we did not agree to be exclusive or to be in a relationship (too soon, I mean we just met kinda).
Then, during the time he was gone on that business trip, I met another guy, let's call him Adam(30y). I really liked Adam from the very beginning, more than I liked Dan to be honest. He wasn't just more my type, he was also just so easy to be around and I felt like I had been knowing him for ages. I wasn't planning it and honestly felt a little bad about it, but Adam and I started seeing each other, going on dates, going out with friends, sleeping with each other. We spent quite a lot of time together and I felt like I might be falling for him. I was honest to Adam from the very beginning though- I told him about Dan. I told him that there is another guy I had been seeing, that the other guy is on a business trip now but that we've been seeing each other and that I already agreed to go to this weekend getaway with him. Adam wasn't thrilled about that of course, but he knew that from the very beginning, and he still went for me. I got the feeling he started to fall for me and he told me several times that he really likes me and wants to pursue something more serious with me (after we had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks almost every single day) but I kept telling him that while I feel the same, that it wouldn't be fair to the other guy, since I already agreed to go on this trip with him. In hindsight I should have probably just told Dan that I met someone else and cancelled the trip. But I didn't, because despite everything I did like Dan and I felt like I need to stick to my word. So basically I told Adam that I'm going on this trip with the other guy anyways and that I need to figure my **** out. He said he understands. We haven't talked in about a week now.
That trip with Dan finally happened last weekend. I slept with him, but it was pretty clear for me from the beginning that I want to be with Adam, not him. I really missed Adam. So by the end of the trip I told Dan that I think things are not going to work for us, and that I think we shouldn't be seeing each other anymore. Dan was really bummed out, but he said he understands. So we went our separate ways.
So.... basically I should have gotten my period about two weeks ago and it didn't come. I thought maybe it's just stress. Then, last night, I finally decided to buy a pregnancy test. I took it this morning. Positive. I almost fainted. I ran to the pharmacy and bought another three tests. All positive. I'm ****ing pregnant. The father is Adam. Not Dan. It's impossible that it's Dan's because Dan and I have always used condoms, after he left for his business trip I still got my period, and it's impossible that he knocked me up three days ago and now it already shows it on the test. Plus, my period was late while he was gone. It's a 100% Adam's. With Adam I've never used condoms. I'm on birth control, but I have to admit that I'm not always extremely responsible about it. This past month, I forgot ton take it on a few days. I know I'm an idiot, but I can't change it. Nothing had ever happened so I thought it's fine. I was clearly wrong and I know that.
Now I'm pregnant with Adam's baby which isn't even a baby yet, I'm at like 4 weeks now I think. I don't know what to do. Dan isn't in the picture anymore since I ended things with him, but now I haven't talked to Adam in a week. I mean I'm sure he still wants me, but he's giving me space to 'figure things out', or maybe he's giving himself space already to get over me. I don't know. I'm going back and forth between should I tell him or should I not tell him. If I tell him, what if gets mad because I wasn't responsible enough about birth control? What if he believes it's not his, but Dan's (since he knows I went on this weekend trip with him, and was seeing Dan before meeting him)? What if he wants nothing to do with me anymore? Regardless of the whole pregnancy situation, I like Adam a lot and I think about him all the time. Even before I knew I was pregnant I knew I wanted to see where things would go with Adam, not with Dan. I'm so scared to tell him. And I'm also thinking that maybe there is no point telling him anyways, because I'm 90% sure I want an abortion. Yes, a small part of me thinks 'You're 32, just have this baby',but the biggest part knows this isn't the time for a baby, I haven't even known Adam for very long and adding a baby to this would probably ruin everything. Also, I just don't feel ready for a baby, or even pregnancy. I'm really scared this will push Adam away from me, or that he doesn't believe it's his. Also, I don't want to mess with his head or emotions, maybe it's better for him to not know. But then I think- Doesn't he have the right to know? Wouldn't I want to know, if I was the father? Could I even keep seeing him, looking him in the eye, without breaking down in tears and telling him that I'm pregnant? What if I get an abortion and we actually become a couple- How could I keep this secret, this lie, from him forever?
I need advice please. Men, would you want to know in this situation? Girls, what would you do? Thanks so much for any advice.
You and he created a life from the result of your sexual passion. It's his child too and he deserves to know.
As for having an abortion------
I'm personally against it for convenience reasons like this, but you and he both need to make that decision together. It's understandable that you're not ready to have a baby but this isn't something you should decide on your own.
Not telling the man you had sex with that you're pregnant is like telling him he doesn't matter and then you might as well forget about having a relationship with him at all.
Just my opinion.
You must tell him. This is his child too. He has a right to know that. He has a right to be included in the decision on what happens here on out. How could you possibly look to continue a relationship with him and consider keeping such news from him?
First of all, congratulations on being pregnant! I strongly believe every baby is a blessing. Only consider abortion if you're so sure you never want to be a mom. Secondly, tell Adam about the baby, and give him time to process the news. Also, tell him what you tell us here that you're more interested in him than Dan, even missed him on your trip. Don't base your decision on Adam's initial reaction. He maybe shock, angry even, but in 2 weeks, he may turn around if he truly cares about you. Either way, good luck!
She can still be a mom later in life. She is 4 weeks pregnant, she can take a pill and that takes care of things and she can get pregnant any time later on.
I'm 90% sure I want an abortion, even if I tell Adam. I'm not ready for a child. But does that mean I should keep it to myself then? Or does he deserve to know anyways, especially if we do start dating more seriously.. it's such a hard decision.
If you stay with Adam for a long term relationship at some point it will come out about the pregnancy and abortion. I am pretty sure he will freak that you did not tell him at the time. I highly recommend getting him in the know before doing anything.
Whatever the OP decides to do regarding the child is her business, but I think Adam should know, and not simply because not telling him might complicate things later if they get serious.
I think it's crazy that men don't use birth control, but leave it up to the woman instead. Very foolish...if you keep the child, whether he likes it or not he'll be paying for the next 18 years.
If you ARE keeping the child...YES...he should be told.
I'm in this awful situation and I need advice. Please don't be judgemental, I'm already pretty emotional about this.
I(32y) met this guy, let's call him Dan (34y), about three months ago. I wasn't really sure if I'm interested, but he really liked me, so I thought why not give it a chance. We went on a couple of dates, slept with each other, but then after seeing each other for about three weeks (which obviously isn't much), he had to go on a business trip for six weeks. I liked him so we would stay in touch while he's gone, and we actually ended up talking on the phone every day.He hadn't been gone for a week even when he asked me if I want to meet him for a little weekend getaway before we go back to the place we both live. I said sure, why not, so we booked it, flights and everything. FYI we did not agree to be exclusive or to be in a relationship (too soon, I mean we just met kinda).
Then, during the time he was gone on that business trip, I met another guy, let's call him Adam(30y). I really liked Adam from the very beginning, more than I liked Dan to be honest. He wasn't just more my type, he was also just so easy to be around and I felt like I had been knowing him for ages. I wasn't planning it and honestly felt a little bad about it, but Adam and I started seeing each other, going on dates, going out with friends, sleeping with each other. We spent quite a lot of time together and I felt like I might be falling for him. I was honest to Adam from the very beginning though- I told him about Dan. I told him that there is another guy I had been seeing, that the other guy is on a business trip now but that we've been seeing each other and that I already agreed to go to this weekend getaway with him. Adam wasn't thrilled about that of course, but he knew that from the very beginning, and he still went for me. I got the feeling he started to fall for me and he told me several times that he really likes me and wants to pursue something more serious with me (after we had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks almost every single day) but I kept telling him that while I feel the same, that it wouldn't be fair to the other guy, since I already agreed to go on this trip with him. In hindsight I should have probably just told Dan that I met someone else and cancelled the trip. But I didn't, because despite everything I did like Dan and I felt like I need to stick to my word. So basically I told Adam that I'm going on this trip with the other guy anyways and that I need to figure my **** out. He said he understands. We haven't talked in about a week now.
That trip with Dan finally happened last weekend. I slept with him, but it was pretty clear for me from the beginning that I want to be with Adam, not him. I really missed Adam. So by the end of the trip I told Dan that I think things are not going to work for us, and that I think we shouldn't be seeing each other anymore. Dan was really bummed out, but he said he understands. So we went our separate ways.
So.... basically I should have gotten my period about two weeks ago and it didn't come. I thought maybe it's just stress. Then, last night, I finally decided to buy a pregnancy test. I took it this morning. Positive. I almost fainted. I ran to the pharmacy and bought another three tests. All positive. I'm ****ing pregnant. The father is Adam. Not Dan. It's impossible that it's Dan's because Dan and I have always used condoms, after he left for his business trip I still got my period, and it's impossible that he knocked me up three days ago and now it already shows it on the test. Plus, my period was late while he was gone. It's a 100% Adam's. With Adam I've never used condoms. I'm on birth control, but I have to admit that I'm not always extremely responsible about it. This past month, I forgot ton take it on a few days. I know I'm an idiot, but I can't change it. Nothing had ever happened so I thought it's fine. I was clearly wrong and I know that.
Now I'm pregnant with Adam's baby which isn't even a baby yet, I'm at like 4 weeks now I think. I don't know what to do. Dan isn't in the picture anymore since I ended things with him, but now I haven't talked to Adam in a week. I mean I'm sure he still wants me, but he's giving me space to 'figure things out', or maybe he's giving himself space already to get over me. I don't know. I'm going back and forth between should I tell him or should I not tell him. If I tell him, what if gets mad because I wasn't responsible enough about birth control? What if he believes it's not his, but Dan's (since he knows I went on this weekend trip with him, and was seeing Dan before meeting him)? What if he wants nothing to do with me anymore? Regardless of the whole pregnancy situation, I like Adam a lot and I think about him all the time. Even before I knew I was pregnant I knew I wanted to see where things would go with Adam, not with Dan. I'm so scared to tell him. And I'm also thinking that maybe there is no point telling him anyways, because I'm 90% sure I want an abortion. Yes, a small part of me thinks 'You're 32, just have this baby',but the biggest part knows this isn't the time for a baby, I haven't even known Adam for very long and adding a baby to this would probably ruin everything. Also, I just don't feel ready for a baby, or even pregnancy. I'm really scared this will push Adam away from me, or that he doesn't believe it's his. Also, I don't want to mess with his head or emotions, maybe it's better for him to not know. But then I think- Doesn't he have the right to know? Wouldn't I want to know, if I was the father? Could I even keep seeing him, looking him in the eye, without breaking down in tears and telling him that I'm pregnant? What if I get an abortion and we actually become a couple- How could I keep this secret, this lie, from him forever?
I need advice please. Men, would you want to know in this situation? Girls, what would you do? Thanks so much for any advice.
Tell him, and let him know that you plan on having an abortion. If he ends it, that’s life.
And start being more responsible..
If you stay with Adam for a long term relationship at some point it will come out about the pregnancy and abortion.
A bottle of wine and the secret is out!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
).
