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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
I think something on your keyboard is broken. Or your . is stuck. Maybe don't eat a sandwich over your computer ... too many crumbs ..................
................
Do you like doing nice things for your Bf, Gf, or spouse...like my post asked? Fingers crossed you are nicer to him than to people on the internet...........
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,574,171 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC
Imagine if the man have gone to a similar experience he also wants to do the same until someone proves to him that a girl has the capacity to do nice things for him other than just showing up to a date. Maybe not going overboard with nice things but little by little could work out for you.
Little by little as you get to know the person........ita...........
If somebody is keeping score that much & they are so rigid about "you 1st" before they do anything nice....laughs....just run IMO............
In any great love/romance worth having - both parties must be willing to do what it takes to cultivate love as an action i.e. 'doing things for one another'. As they say, actions speak louder than words.
There are women who still think that it is a man’s “role/responsibility” to be the one who takes initiative, dines and wines, takes care of expenses, etc. and if a woman dares herself do those things as well then it means someone is taking advantage of her. A relationship is supposed to revolve around TWO people, not just the woman. It’s great that you want to do something for your man. I was used to going out with girls who the most they would do was just show up to the date but then I moved to Japan and what a surprise I got when I saw that girls also reciprocated all the things I was used to doing while studying in the USA. After that, having a girl just show up to a date wasn’t enough for me. I guess I got spoiled. Good luck with the cooking classes .
Imagine if the man have gone to a similar experience he also wants to do the same until someone proves to him that a girl has the capacity to do nice things for him other than just showing up to a date. Maybe not going overboard with nice things but little by little could work out for you.
I was not one of those women who thought that it's all men's responsibility to be the one who takes initiative when it comes to acts of kindness. I am an assertive person by nature. I'm not scared of men, nor am I scared of rejection. It has just been my experience with every man I've been involved with that I was the one doing everything and he just sat back and received, and when I asked for some reciprocation, I was rebuffed or in the case of it being someone I just met, when I held back and waited for him to give first, I got nothing and the whole thing petered. What I learned was that if I wasn't the one giving and doing (and I'm not talking about asking someone out/initiating dates- I'm talking about real acts of kindness that brighten someone's life/day) nothing was going to get done. Most men don't think about stuff like that because just being there or his presence is already a lot to them. If it's not prescribed by society as the thing to do, or handed down from generations past as the norm, men simply won't think about it being something nice to do. They need a set of rules or instructions to go by or their heart won't lead them to do it naturally on their own.
I recently talked to a friend on the forum......because she made a big deal out of me wanting to learn to cook for my fiance...or do other things for him, just like he does stuff for me. She thinks that this means I'm being taken advantage of.....because I'm a woman. I see it as a very loving & giving relationship that we love making each other happy....he isn't demanding...or even asking me that I cook or do this stuff. I want to tho. IMO that's a sign of a beautiful relationship......give & take, you know? Why do some people make such a big thing about this? Relationships have become so selfish IMO & that's why there are so many unhappy people.......
Does anybody agree? Do you like doing nice things for your Bf, Gf, or spouse?
Sounds as if your 'friend' is a bitter and petty person who probably doesn't have a relationship to call her own.
The key to a successful relationship isn't in what you get out of it, but rather what you put into it. Obviously, a healthy relationship isn't one where one party does nothing but give while the other does nothing but take.
At the same time, the notion of keeping score, the constant politics of 'You got this, so I should get that in return,' ruins relationships faster than anything. It is a corrosive, ungenerous approach in the one area where generosity should be the dominant impulse.
Ignore the cranks in life. You'll be much happier if you do.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,574,171 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
Sounds as if your 'friend' is a bitter and petty person who probably doesn't have a relationship to call her own.
The key to a successful relationship isn't in what you get out of it, but rather what you put into it. Obviously, a healthy relationship isn't one where one party does nothing but give while the other does nothing but take.
At the same time, the notion of keeping score, the constant politics of 'You got this, so I should get that in return,' ruins relationships faster than anything. It is a corrosive, ungenerous approach in the one area where generosity should be the dominant impulse.
Ignore the cranks in life. You'll be much happier if you do.
Thank you....ita......& I'm not unhappy about her reaction tho......I don't take it seriously.....
Only a couple answered the question in my thread.............the rest is stuff like 1950s wives or SJWs or bread crumbs...& that makes me think people aren't in happy relationships of their own or can't relate to it.......
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,574,171 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Most men don't think about stuff like that because just being there or his presence is already a lot to them. If it's not prescribed by society as the thing to do, or handed down from generations past as the norm, men simply won't think about it being something nice to do. They need a set of rules or instructions to go by or their heart won't lead them to do it naturally on their own.
I'm sorry this is your experience......but there are lots of mature & smart men out there that do nice things for the women they love IMO................but you have to be loving to get loving back & calling out all men like just their presence is already a lot to them is not the way. Lots of what you say sounds so old fashioned to me.......
I was not one of those women who thought that it's all men's responsibility to be the one who takes initiative when it comes to acts of kindness. I am an assertive person by nature. I'm not scared of men, nor am I scared of rejection. It has just been my experience with every man I've been involved with that I was the one doing everything and he just sat back and received, and when I asked for some reciprocation, I was rebuffed or in the case of it being someone I just met, when I held back and waited for him to give first, I got nothing and the whole thing petered. What I learned was that if I wasn't the one giving and doing (and I'm not talking about asking someone out/initiating dates- I'm talking about real acts of kindness that brighten someone's life/day) nothing was going to get done. Most men don't think about stuff like that because just being there or his presence is already a lot to them. If it's not prescribed by society as the thing to do, or handed down from generations past as the norm, men simply won't think about it being something nice to do. They need a set of rules or instructions to go by or their heart won't lead them to do it naturally on their own.
I say this with kindness srjth, but maybe you're meeting and spending time with the wrong men.
I say this with kindness srjth, but maybe you're meeting and spending time with the wrong men.
Maybe. But I've had handsome men, ugly men, short men, tall men, rich men, poor men, intelligent men, dumb men, warm men, cold men, men from good families, men from bad families, white men, black men, workaholics, deadbeats, average joes, exceptional men, nice men, mean men. I've tried. In the end, they all end up being the same.
You can’t “be taken advantage of” when you’re choosing to be giving.
Nobody is coercing or forcing you, it’s an act of your own volition.
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