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My wife was kind of like this when we were dating. If we were out somewhere, she'd buy me a little something every now and then. I never asked her for it but always told her thank you and let her know I appreciated it. She got to where she'd occasionally buy me something for my house (didn't take much. House was just a little over 400 sq. ft.). I asked her why she did this. By me thanking her for the little things she knew I wasn't going to take it for granted that she was going to buy me whatever I wanted (which she tried to do anyway).
But I'm the one who always spoils her now. And enjoy every minute of it!
My wife was kind of like this when we were dating. If we were out somewhere, she'd buy me a little something every now and then. I never asked her for it but always told her thank you and let her know I appreciated it. She got to where she'd occasionally buy me something for my house (didn't take much. House was just a little over 400 sq. ft.). I asked her why she did this. By me thanking her for the little things she knew I wasn't going to take it for granted that she was going to buy me whatever I wanted (which she tried to do anyway).
But I'm the one who always spoils her now. And enjoy every minute of it!
I was not one of those women who thought that it's all men's responsibility to be the one who takes initiative when it comes to acts of kindness. I am an assertive person by nature. I'm not scared of men, nor am I scared of rejection. It has just been my experience with every man I've been involved with that I was the one doing everything and he just sat back and received, and when I asked for some reciprocation, I was rebuffed or in the case of it being someone I just met, when I held back and waited for him to give first, I got nothing and the whole thing petered. What I learned was that if I wasn't the one giving and doing (and I'm not talking about asking someone out/initiating dates- I'm talking about real acts of kindness that brighten someone's life/day) nothing was going to get done. Most men don't think about stuff like that because just being there or his presence is already a lot to them. If it's not prescribed by society as the thing to do, or handed down from generations past as the norm, men simply won't think about it being something nice to do. They need a set of rules or instructions to go by or their heart won't lead them to do it naturally on their own.
You arent alone. My last ex boyfriend was like this. I did thoughtful things for him. I knew he liked white chocolate, so every time he came over I'd buy a bar of white chocolate for him. He came over new years eve and I created a huge spread of food, snacks, treats, and drinks for just us two. Things like that. I was always thinking of ways to make him happy. But he didnt reciprocate. Not once bought me flowers (other boyfriends did) or do sweet thoughtful things for me. He just complained, but came over to eat all the food and enjoy the things I did for him.
You arent alone. My last ex boyfriend was like this. I did thoughtful things for him. I knew he liked white chocolate, so every time he came over I'd buy a bar of white chocolate for him. He came over new years eve and I created a huge spread of food, snacks, treats, and drinks for just us two. Things like that. I was always thinking of ways to make him happy. But he didnt reciprocate. Not once bought me flowers (other boyfriends did) or do sweet thoughtful things for me. He just complained, but came over to eat all the food and enjoy the things I did for him.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,569,175 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
True, not every couple is so thoughtful to each other. But when you are willing to go above and beyond to please your partner, it will be a lasting and succesful relationship.
Ita....it's really about showing your Bf, Gf, spouse....that you love them & appreciate them......
I'm not treating him that way because it's how I want to be treated tho.........I'm treating him the way I do out of love...& I want to show him.
I treat him how he likes to be treated......& he treats me how I want to be treated. We both want to be appreciated ofc....but lots of men & women are different in how they want to be treated...or what types of stuff makes somebody feel pampered or special. You have to be tuned into the other person IMO....their likes....not necessarily just thinking about how you want to be treated because men....women...& everybody can be really different.
Like he hates breakfast in bed........but I love it. I love to lay there & indulge in happy thoughts while I'm waking up & be kinda lazy on a sunday & forget about working out & just go for a walk later....so... he pampers me by bringing me breakfast in bed because I like it. It's like a life of luxury for me....even tho it's just breakfast...& he knows it makes me feel loved. But...for him....I do other stuff. So...it's not always going to be the same as I want to be treated.........it's a custom fit to your man IMO.....(& to you).........
So you must not be familiar with the Golden Rule??
I realize it's kind of complicated, but I'm not sure why you took it literally, as in "I'll paint his toenails because I like pedicures." Because that's not the point I was making at all.
I'm not treating him that way because it's how I want to be treated tho.........I'm treating him the way I do out of love...& I want to show him.
I treat him how he likes to be treated......& he treats me how I want to be treated. We both want to be appreciated ofc....but lots of men & women are different in how they want to be treated...or what types of stuff makes somebody feel pampered or special. You have to be tuned into the other person IMO....their likes....not necessarily just thinking about how you want to be treated because men....women...& everybody can be really different.
Like he hates breakfast in bed........but I love it. I love to lay there & indulge in happy thoughts while I'm waking up & be kinda lazy on a sunday & forget about working out & just go for a walk later....so... he pampers me by bringing me breakfast in bed because I like it. It's like a life of luxury for me....even tho it's just breakfast...& he knows it makes me feel loved. But...for him....I do other stuff. So...it's not always going to be the same as I want to be treated.........it's a custom fit to your man IMO.....(& to you).........
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,569,175 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
So you must not be familiar with the Golden Rule??
I realize it's kind of complicated, but I'm not sure why you took it literally, as in "I'll paint his toenails because I like pedicures." Because that's not the point I was making at all.
I am familar with the Golden Rule...& that is why I said...IMO it's more than that to me. The Golden Rule is for everybody...friends & stuff. But I am treating him the way I do out of love & to have our relationship thrive & grow...not because of the Golden Rule on how to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Our relationship is so much more than that.......
e d i t: your reasons are your reasons & my reasons are mine.......it's Ok if we see it different.......but it is to show him how much I love him not to treat him like everyone else because we all should be nice........
So you must not be familiar with the Golden Rule??
I realize it's kind of complicated, but I'm not sure why you took it literally, as in "I'll paint his toenails because I like pedicures." Because that's not the point I was making at all.
Exactly.
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But...for him....I do other stuff. So...it's not always going to be the same as I want to be treated.........it's a custom fit to your man IMO.....(& to you).........
