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More women need to step up and make the 1st move.
It shouldn't always be the man who does the asking while the woman just sits or stands there and says yes or no. It's not exactly fair for the men.
The decade we're in now is a lot different than the 1950s. We can be just as competitive and assertive as any male-maybe even more so in some cases.
I once asked man on a date and that same man became my husband. We've been happily married 18 years.
If I can make the approach then any woman certainly can.
Believe me, women are making the first move. It is still somewhat rare, but more women are taking the initiative.
If he really wants you, nothing will scare him. If it does, then you perhaps should be asking, "What else will scare him?" What else will I be taking the lead on?"
I agree that traditional gender roles are largely obsolete. But they were social constructs that actually, in my opinion, did more to impede good relationships than enhance them.
Genuine attraction/affection is simple, unbound by artificial rules and acting on them is automatic. (Recall how easy it was in childhood.) Hopefully we will evolve -- or devolve(?) -- back to that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
I went out with a guy for about 2 months. I initiated every date. He seemed surprised but accepted every time. I also paid the majority of the time, I said: “Oh no don’t bother, I asked and picked the place, I expect to pay.” It was no hardship for me, financially.
I think we’re at a confusing time for people who have previously experienced traditional “guy takes the lead” times. I personally have noticed that some men say they wish women knew how it felt to do the asking, but actually become confused after that, and don’t know what their role is anymore.
If he really wants you, nothing will scare him. If it does, then you perhaps should be asking, "What else will scare him?" What else will I be taking the lead on?"
I agree that traditional gender roles are largely obsolete. But they were social constructs that actually, in my opinion, did more to impede good relationships than enhance them.
Genuine attraction/affection is simple, unbound by artificial rules and acting on them is automatic. (Recall how easy it was in childhood.) Hopefully we will evolve -- or devolve(?) -- back to that.
That’s a really good point. I think he lost though, because I really didn’t mind the learning curve, he just didn’t have the confidence in himself that I find really attractive.
I’m working to be okay if I stay single and be pleasantly surprised if I’m not single. Not pursuing anything but won’t fight it if someone comes along.
Without a doubt, the most sound advice that can be offered.
My "Worst-Case" Scenario is a happy existence as a single person. If someone comes along who enhances that, and in no way diminishes that happiness, then great.
My experience with fear of intimacy is not unlike yours. I was almost always drawn to unavailable women. Then "the one" appeared whom I was certain I would marry but she died unexpectedly. After that, and a few more "unavailables," I was forced to accept that I am not meant to be in a traditional relationship and must find other ways of expressing those energies.
That’s a really good point. I think he lost though, because I really didn’t mind the learning curve, he just didn’t have the confidence in himself that I find really attractive.
Exactly. The passivity and lack of confidence simply grates on one's nerves.
Every woman who is attracted to a man gives off non-verbal, unconscious signals of her interest and receptivity. It is up to the man to recognize, interpret and act on them. At the very least, he should be competent in that before complaining about his dating life (or lack thereof).
That's not what I meant.
Women can flirt and give signals but not all men are keen enough to pick up on them. Some men are shy.
What you're suggesting is men should act on the woman's signals and still make the 1st move as in making the approach, and I disagree.
There is no set rule on which gender should approach the other and pay for the date. This is 2019, not 1950.
I find that guys who approach it like you are almost always on the autism spectrum. In other words, it is your social/communication skills and extreme self focus that are blocking you most.
How? Women are the ones who choose, not men.
100 guys ask one girl out. She will choose one. That is certainly sucssessing to date for the guy.
It is not easy to be chosen by a girl when she has a lot of options, is it?
100 guys ask one girl out. She will choose one. That is certainly sucssessing to date for the guy.
It is not easy to be chosen by a girl when she has a lot of options, is it?
But at the same time, those 100 guys all chose that one girl, not asking out who knows how many other women. In your scenario, men have the choice; women can only respond.
But at the same time, those 100 guys all chose that one girl, not asking out who knows how many other women. In your scenario, men have the choice; women can only respond.
Women have the choice. Not men.
You ask 100 girls and most likely 99 of them will reject you unless you are handsome.
For me, the number would be a total 100, though.
Those who choose have the choice. In other words, those who reject have the choice.
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