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I have been going on dates with a guy, who happens to be a flight attendant (gay here). We have great chemistry and I am really enjoying him. While I would prefer to date someone who has a little bit more of a predictable schedule, to me what someone does as a profession/job does not matter as much. As long as it's legal, it's fulfilling to them, they are happy and they are not financially dependent on me. I think as long as the person makes time for you, if they are happy in their job, they will most likely be happier in a relationship too.
I mentioned to my friend what this guy does, which this friend is a little bit of a narcissist too. But anyway, my friend told me he doesn't know how I could do that, because he could never date a flight attendant, as he doesn't feel like the person would be up to par on his level in life. He then also told me that he really liked a guy but then when he found out he was a personal trainer he stopped dating him, because same deal that he is not on par with him and he would not be able to afford the life he wants to live. Mind you my friend is a trust fund kid from a super wealthy family.
To me that seemed kind of sad. The concept to reject someone solely based on their profession/career? Again I think it's different if they are financially dependent on you because of that, but if they are independent, why pass up on something? You never know what could be and heck, you never know down the road, where their profession might take them.
Curious if many people on this subject think like I do? Or people on here think more like my friend? I do get my friend's point, about preferring someone that is perhaps more on your level professionally and financially, but I think if both parties can be non-dependent on each other in those regards, is it worth it on passing up on love? Of course in a perfect world I would love to be with someone who makes just as much as I do, same professional level, same types of schedules, etc. But I rather be with someone who makes half as much as I do, is attentive, loving, and committed to a relationship, rather than someone who makes twice as much as I do, is not as committed, not as loving, and when around never makes time for me.
And for the record not saying I am in love with this guy, I barely know him. It just got me thinking about the subject.
If its something I couldn't have respect for, I'd pass.
If it was something they hated and it doesn't look like they plan on changing it, I'd also pass.
Otherwise, as long as they are happy and productive people, not much of an issue to me.
Oh I did forget to mention one thing, yes it would have to be something I respect too. So I wouldn't be dating a stripper or porn start that even though they are fulfilled in their work and financially independent, I would pass immediately.
My wife is the CFO of a largish company in what is a male-dominated industry. It took her a long time to get to this position. She has earned it by working harder, later, and smarter than anyone else.
Her success is all hers. My only contribution was to back her to the hilt every step of the way. Because if it was important to her then, by God, it was important to me. If she worked late, I never complained. If she came home at 10 pm, I warmed up dinner and poured her a glass of wine.
Because I'm self-employed, I had a much more flexible schedule when it came to the kids and everything else it takes to run a household. So I was the one cooking dinner and taking kids to soccer games, violin practice, and everything else under the sun. And if she started feeling guilty about missing something, I shut that down. Because, while she did indeed attend her fair share of childhood events, she was doing so much more for our family than sitting in a bleachers.
Our kids didn't suffer for it. In fact, the two of us demonstrated to our children how a good and healthy relationship works. Hey, there were times when we had disagreements. There were times when it wasn't easy to keep our respective workloads and family time balanced. But our children never had any question that they were loved and valued.
So it comes down to this, OP. While we are not necessarily what we do for a living, we often derive a huge sense of personal value and identity from our professional accomplishments. A smart person in a relationship recognizes that in his or her partner, respects it, and supports that drive. Sure, there are course corrections when things get too far out of balance. But successful relationships hinge on the growth of both people within it. And sometimes that growth means making a sacrifice here and there for the benefit of the person you love.
As long as she was self-supporting what a woman's job was was never really that important to me. Most of the women that I've dated were working basically admin type jobs and that was fine with me. I've heard and read on this forum over the years that men can't hack it when a woman makes more money then they do. I've sat and thought about it and I don't think I'd be intimidated or whatever. I've never been in that position before so I can't say for sure.
I worked with a guy a long time ago and he was a few years older than me and the woman he was seeing at the time was some kind of mucky muck at a large accounting firm, I think she was a financial controller or something like that. I don't know much about that side of business, but anyway, she made a good chunk more than him and she had a few people working under her. He seemed ok with it. I thought she was a major B, but that had nothing to do with her work.
I live in a small metro and my income is middle to upper middle class for the area. I'm in a job that requires a college degree and critical thinking skills.
I'm probably not going to have much in common with someone making $10/hr in a dead-end job. They're not going to have the financial ability to contribute much to a relationship. They don't have the financial bandwidth to have hobbies and intersts that do cost money. Chances are fairly good they aren't educated or that engaged with the world.
Around here, I think about $40,000 would be about the minimum to live independently and have some extra. College educated isn't a must, but it's at least a useful bare minimum. I don't want someone who just watches primetime TV all the time. $40,000 without a lot of baggage is tough to find here.
Most of my relationships have been with people who made less than I do. Some have been self-sufficient, but others weren't. It gets old when you're the only one contributing anything.
I have been going on dates with a guy, who happens to be a flight attendant (gay here). We have great chemistry and I am really enjoying him. While I would prefer to date someone who has a little bit more of a predictable schedule, to me what someone does as a profession/job does not matter as much. As long as it's legal, it's fulfilling to them, they are happy and they are not financially dependent on me. I think as long as the person makes time for you, if they are happy in their job, they will most likely be happier in a relationship too.
I mentioned to my friend what this guy does, which this friend is a little bit of a narcissist too. But anyway, my friend told me he doesn't know how I could do that, because he could never date a flight attendant, as he doesn't feel like the person would be up to par on his level in life. He then also told me that he really liked a guy but then when he found out he was a personal trainer he stopped dating him, because same deal that he is not on par with him and he would not be able to afford the life he wants to live. Mind you my friend is a trust fund kid from a super wealthy family.
To me that seemed kind of sad. The concept to reject someone solely based on their profession/career? Again I think it's different if they are financially dependent on you because of that, but if they are independent, why pass up on something? You never know what could be and heck, you never know down the road, where their profession might take them.
Curious if many people on this subject think like I do? Or people on here think more like my friend? I do get my friend's point, about preferring someone that is perhaps more on your level professionally and financially, but I think if both parties can be non-dependent on each other in those regards, is it worth it on passing up on love? Of course in a perfect world I would love to be with someone who makes just as much as I do, same professional level, same types of schedules, etc. But I rather be with someone who makes half as much as I do, is attentive, loving, and committed to a relationship, rather than someone who makes twice as much as I do, is not as committed, not as loving, and when around never makes time for me.
And for the record not saying I am in love with this guy, I barely know him. It just got me thinking about the subject.
The bold is very important in a committed relationship. Everything else is secondary gravy.
I sort of understand your friend's position, but it's kind of a lifestyle thing. If there is a major disconnect in lifestyles, then that could be an issue. But that need not mean that two people are vastly different in terms of their income or net worth. I've known wealthy people who were absolute cheapskates, and wealthy people who were fairly posh and extravagant.
But if one person has the means and is used to living "a certain lifestyle" and the other partner has enough not to be a burden, and they're stable and so on, but maybe they don't have enough to join in with the lavish vacations or expensive pastimes... I see that as a problem. Because even if the wealthier one is more than willing to shell out to include them, that can feel bad on both sides eventually. I didn't like it when a wealthier partner was overly generous and forever insisting on paying for everything for me, it was uncomfortable. And I have felt taken advantage of before, when friends or whatever accepted a lot from me, especially if they got so used to it that they took it for granted, or worse, asked me for money. I didn't want to feel like I was either doing that, or being perceived as doing that. There were other reasons that relationship wasn't viable, but for me that was a significant one.
People who go on to form a meaningful bond usually should be in the same ballpark at least in terms of how they think about money, their habits and financial perspectives. If two people are in VERY different economic brackets, that can be almost impossible. Remember, money is one of the most frequent sources of marital strife.
But that's just MY perspective, and certainly different strokes for different folks here. Neither you, nor your friend, has to be right or wrong about this, only do what seems right for you.
not so much their job /career but whether our schedules can match.. if he works shifts/weekends it is tougher to make plans to connect
Next is qualifications rather than what he does for a living
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