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Has anyone out there met and continued to date someone when they at first felt no real physical chemistry or attraction to the person? I would assume not, but I'm just curious.
Let's say the person has a lot of good character qualities that you value in a person, and the date itself went well, yet when you actually meet them you felt zero physical attraction to them.
I have been on several dates with women I have met through online dating sites.
For one lady, we chatted for several months before finally meeting for lunch at a restaurant. We shared mutual interests and I found her attractive enough to take on a date. I enjoyed talking to her. We have same interests and same outlook on life, and in general felt like she would be a great match. But it kept bothering me a little that I just didn't feel that spark with her, no physical chemistry towards her on my part. I hate to be shallow but irregardless of looks, I do think it is important two people have some sort of physical attraction towards each other.
I'm just not the type of person that believes in continuing to pursue something in the hopes that eventually we'll get closer and the physical chemistry will set in.
I'm of the belief that no matter how great a person is, how good they look on paper, or how good they look in general, if I'm not into you, I'm not into you. A lot of folks like to say you shouldn't chase after that "spark" but I wonder how they would feel if the person they were so in love with admitted to them that they practically had to "force" themselves to go out with them. If someone told me that, I'd be questioning whether they truly loved me at all. Or were they just settling because they didn't want to be alone or "give me pity shot." I wouldn't want to feel that way, so I don't want to do it to someone else. There have been several guys I tried to feel something for because they were decent people but I wasn't into it. They ended up getting their feelings hurt. I finally just decided to let it go. If I can't have the full package of chemistry, mutual attraction, similar morals/beliefs/values, good personality traits, etc. I don't want it at all. Too many people get too comfortable giving the bare minimum thinking they should get a prize, then wonder why they're so unhappy.
If I don't feel the spark/chemistry/electricity, then I move on. Right away.
Never, ever, in my life, not even once, has attraction "grown". If it isn't there in the first seven seconds, it never will be.
Hm, I had always of the mind that there were 2 types of people. The ones where attraction has to grow, snd the other where, as I see in a lot of dating profiles, "chemistry 6is a must!!".
I usually poo poo'd the latter. Even skipped over those profiles because I figured those kind of relationships were short lived. That relationships and marriages that ended were because that **** burned out fast.
This is probably due in part of marriages ending so much, because "the spark" dies off, and sometimes quickly. Sometimes because the other party's true colors start to show and you're like "I don't know who you are anymore! !"
"You're NOT the man / woman I married! "
But you see, some people aren't thinking in the long term. Only living in the moment.
The first three responses seemed to reaffirm my choice to move on.
Yet the last response also makes a good point that the spark can fade, and if there's nothing solid underneath, it probably won't last long anyhow.
I've been on many dates and never found the 'right' one after so many years. Sometimes you think about just settling if you find someone that ticks most of the boxes. If you try to find someone that ticks all the boxes you'll keep looking forever.
The first three responses seemed to reaffirm my choice to move on.
Yet the last response also makes a good point that the spark can fade, and if there's nothing solid underneath, it probably won't last long anyhow.
Right, I never really got how some people demanded in their dating profiles, "There must be a spark!" esp. with women past a certain age. It makes sense if this is the attitude of a 20-something, but I figured there'd be a shift of some sort once someone reached a certain age, and 1 to 2 divorces later, that the "spark" isn't all much to write home about.
Granted, I did have a female friend that said she was married for 10 years, and her husband started to fade away in the few years remaining to the end...he later admitted he was never really attracted to her back when they married, and that he was just longing for companionship...at the time.
...I have heard instances like this, that they were never attracted to someone from the beginning only to go through a decade of marriage to finally admit "there wasn't any 'spark'" at the BEGINNING of their courtship?? I kinda call BS on that. Who stays in a marriage THAT long only to claim THAT to be the reason? I personally think it's another reason.
Has anyone out there met and continued to date someone when they at first felt no real physical chemistry or attraction to the person? I would assume not, but I'm just curious.
Let's say the person has a lot of good character qualities that you value in a person, and the date itself went well, yet when you actually meet them you felt zero physical attraction to them.
I have been on several dates with women I have met through online dating sites.
For one lady, we chatted for several months before finally meeting for lunch at a restaurant. We shared mutual interests and I found her attractive enough to take on a date. I enjoyed talking to her. We have same interests and same outlook on life, and in general felt like she would be a great match. But it kept bothering me a little that I just didn't feel that spark with her, no physical chemistry towards her on my part. I hate to be shallow but irregardless of looks, I do think it is important two people have some sort of physical attraction towards each other.
I'm just not the type of person that believes in continuing to pursue something in the hopes that eventually we'll get closer and the physical chemistry will set in.
As a woman, and this refers to seeing someone, somewhere in person out somewhere in the real world (not online dating)....I need to have that *spark* to initially be interested in wanting to get to know that person. It doesn't necessarily mean the guy has to be drop dead good looking. Just something about his look, his style, his confidence, the way he carries himself.... could attract me initially. Then of course, his personality plays the next part. This is just for me, though. Maybe not all women.
Also, OP, you said there was no physical attraction in person after chatting for several months. Had you seen an accurate, recent full length picture of her before meeting? FaceTime, Skype? What was different about her in person? Just wondering. Just goes to show that you need to meet as soon as possible. Not waste months.
Has anyone out there met and continued to date someone when they at first felt no real physical chemistry or attraction to the person? I would assume not, but I'm just curious.
Let's say the person has a lot of good character qualities that you value in a person, and the date itself went well, yet when you actually meet them you felt zero physical attraction to them.
I have been on several dates with women I have met through online dating sites.
For one lady, we chatted for several months before finally meeting for lunch at a restaurant. We shared mutual interests and I found her attractive enough to take on a date. I enjoyed talking to her. We have same interests and same outlook on life, and in general felt like she would be a great match. But it kept bothering me a little that I just didn't feel that spark with her, no physical chemistry towards her on my part. I hate to be shallow but irregardless of looks, I do think it is important two people have some sort of physical attraction towards each other.
I'm just not the type of person that believes in continuing to pursue something in the hopes that eventually we'll get closer and the physical chemistry will set in.
Yes and I married him. (Our divorce was unrelated to the lack of initial physical chemistry/attraction.)
The difference between my story and yours is that I first met my former husband through a mutual friend at a party. I was friends with him (and his family) for nearly a decade before we even began dating. Much of the attraction that brought us together eventually as a couple was intellectual rather than physical, which isn't atypical for me.
I've only had that intense need-to-have-you-now chemistry twice--once with a disaster of a relationship that devolved into a nasty situation when I was too young to know any better and once after my divorce. Sadly, in the latter case, distance and fundamental incompatibilities made the relationship unworkable in the long term. The former one? I'm glad that he's someone else's problem now.
I have a nice balance of physical and intellectual attraction towards my current partner; I believe that he feels that same way about me, which is nice. Considering that he met me pretty much sight unseen (via online dating, no less!) and our initial coffee date lasted over four hours, I'd say that the initial attraction was definitely there when we first met in person. (We met face-to-face within days of connecting online.) Over a year later, it's a nice slow burn rather than an intense spark that keeps us rolling along. I feel lucky to have found him.
So long as I don't find a man repulsive and we have good overall intellectual chemistry and what seem to be similar values/ethics, I'm usually willing to give him a few chances to "grow on me" before I decide whether or not I want to date him in the long term.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 12-24-2019 at 07:31 AM..
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