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Eat some breakfast and go take a walk. You're not impressing anyone here with this middle-school manifesto.
How about you actually explain to me where I'm wrong instead of trying to "defeat" my ideas with ad-hominem attacks. Refute me ideologically and with reasons, name calling, emotional appeals and attempting to shame me doesn't work. You cannot defeat logic and reason with emotions, they aren't even in the same ballpark.
You yourself admitted that the "just be yourself" advice doesn't always apply, and I'd argue that it never applies. Society doesn't want you to be yourself, it wants you to conform to the expectations its set forth for you.
What is it that I'm not getting according to you? If it's truly flying over my head, spell it out for me.
I will spell it out for you. You are so enmeshed in bitterness. If THIS is you being yourself, then of course no one is going to want to go out with you. Bitterness is ugly by itself. But it is also a beacon of massive insecurity. Just a few posts here makes it crystal clear you have the self esteem of a newt. You have a bone to pick with "the world". And it looks an awful lot like a childish tantrum. People want to go out with grown ups. And grown ups person-up, put on their big kid panties, and do the thing. The thing is building a life they want. NO ONE is going to want to bolster up your self esteem unless they are whacked in the head as well. These "relationships", even when achieved, don't last.
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In your last post you admitted that the "just be yourself" advice doesn't always hold true and that you need to change to please others at times. That's exactly what I was looking for, for a woman to be honest with both herself and everyone else, instead of just echoing feel good sentiments with no real meaning behind them.
I am pretty sure no one on this thread or anywhere I Have seen on this board is afraid to tell it like it is. No one is slinging sweetness and light sunshine up butts. The fact is, being the best YOU is often so daunting to some that they would prefer to be bitter, ugly people and blame "the world" because they don't like themselves either. And if they don't, why would anyone else? Be your best self is not feel good bull. It is damned hard. Harder than whining. So people don't want to do it. But, you are not alone in this. Perhaps that is some comfort.
How about you actually explain to me where I'm wrong instead of trying to "defeat" my ideas with ad-hominem attacks. Refute me ideologically and with reasons, name calling, emotional appeals and attempting to shame me doesn't work. You cannot defeat logic and reason with emotions, they aren't even in the same ballpark.
You yourself admitted that the "just be yourself" advice doesn't always apply, and I'd argue that it never applies. Society doesn't want you to be yourself, it wants you to conform to the expectations its set forth for you.
You want to date "society"? That isn't even legal.
In your last post you admitted that the "just be yourself" advice doesn't always hold true and that you need to change to please others at times. That's exactly what I was looking for, for a woman to be honest with both herself and everyone else, instead of just echoing feel good sentiments with no real meaning behind them.
Be your better self. Be clean, considerate, respectful. Listen to the other person. State your opinions politely. Do activities that you enjoy. Don’t go along just to get along. Doing your favorite activities should put you around those with similar interests. You don’t want to have a significant other who doesn’t want to do any of your favorite activities with you. No you don’t have to have everything in common or be joined at the hip to have a great relationship.
My husband has been my best friend for 47 years. In retirement we do most things together- but still need time apart for some interests. I see too many older couples who have nothing in common in retirement. No fun.
Why don't you list some TANGIBLE, CONCRETE ways to be your better self, rather than this pie in the sky, feel good cliche. I think vague "advice" like this, on any subject, is extremely unhelpful.
Yeah, that's actually a follow-up to "be yourself" lol. An update if you will.
You want to date "society"? That isn't even legal.
Humans are conformity enforces, period. That's why anyone who stands out from the group is ridiculed and ostracized. It's an attempt to get them to change their behavior and fall in line with societal expectations, even if the people doing it aren't consciously aware of it. To them it's probably along the lines of "That person is different, let's point and laugh at them!"
So if you are not in line with what society expects of you and go against the grain, most people care about social acceptance over anything else, so even if they DO like you they'll fall in line because they don't want to be made fun of along with you. And all the while there's this implicit notion that "If you'll just change, you'll get the results you're looking for."
Yup, if you just bend over and take all of the world's BS and say "Ya, this is great and exactly how it's supposed to be" you'll get what you want out of life.
Why don't you list some TANGIBLE, CONCRETE ways to be your better self, rather than this pie in the sky, feel good cliche. I think vague "advice" like this, on any subject, is extremely unhelpful.
Well, because we don't know you so have no idea which ways you, personally, could change yourself. (And why should we be expected to come up with your personalized self-improvement plan? Nobody's getting paid for this.)
Now, I agree with your OP, though I don't apply it just to dating. I've known plenty of people to say "just be yourself!" And I've known plenty of people who are "just themselves" and that's why they have few friends. If you're needy, interested in things most people find weird, socially-awkward, clueless, offensive, etc., then "just being yourself" is not going to be an easy road to follow if you want to be liked by mainstream people (and some are such that even other needy, socially-awkward, clueless, interested-in-things-most-people-find-weird, offensive people steer clear. Others don't necessarily want to be limited to friendship with the other needy, socially-awkward, clueless, interested-in-things-most-people-find-weird, offensive people who will accept them).
So. Yes. Sometimes a person has to suppress "themself" if they want to navigate in much of society. Sometimes living in society is about not showing everything of who you are. And sometimes "be your best self" means find the ways you can improve to become more accepted by others... and only you know and people who know you well know what that is, whether it's learning how to not be needy, clueing in on others' reactions and learning social mores to follow, learning how not to offend people, etc.
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Originally Posted by jimmy12345678
And no, I refuse to change to make the world like "me" better. I will learn how to deceive it and take what I want from it because I was rejected by it for "just being myself". Fine, don't like me for who I am, I'll learn how to exploit you and take what I want, regardless of society's attempt to deny it to me for not falling in line.
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Originally Posted by jimmy12345678
F*** them, I refuse to beg and grovel before people I view as dumber than me. And not accepting people for who they are while simultaneously telling them to "just be themselves" is the epitome of stupidity IMO.
Well, here's some on-point, personalized advice for you: nobody likes people who are manipulative and bitter and condescending.
If you don't want to change yourself, that's fine. You don't have to. But then you should get used to the fact that your social life may not be as hopping as you'd like. It's up to you, but sometimes it's an either/or choice.
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