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IMO "just be yourself" is one of those empty platitudes with no real meaning or weight behind it, and it's not helpful in the slightest.
I wish we could get some honest dating advice out there that actually helped people. And I wish people would stop echoing this horrible sentiment whenever someone on here comes and wants dating advice. Obviously being yourself hasn't helped you if you find yourself seeking out dating advice, so why do people think that saying this is in any way helpful.
I wish they'd just come out and say what they really mean, which is, if you want people to like "you" you've got to change in order to suit them. I know that's completely opposite from what the cliched dating advice tells you, but it's what they're really saying. "You need to get out there and find things out about yourself so you can be more like you???"
People need to stop sugar coating things and accept reality for what it is, starting with this whole notion that you can "Just be yourself" and you'll attract a mate. Couldn't be more wrong, and telling these people this only frustrates them more. It's like saying "There's nothing wrong with you, you're just not enough of YOU to attract another person and need to work on yourself to become more like yourself." Uhhh, what?
I think people who are given this advice grow resentful when it doesn't pan out for them and they just get more and more frustrated with the world for not accepting them for who they are, with the constant implicit (not explicit like the "just be yourself" advice) notion that you have to change to be accepted by the world.
These BS empty platitudes about dating and relationships in general need to go by the wayside and be cast out as the unhelpful, feel good cliches that they are and start giving actual good relationship advice. IMO, if you are changing to suit other people, you're not really being "you", you're being what society expects of you in order to get what you want from it, and that's not honest in the slightest, nor "being yourself". It's basic manipulation, and I wish we'd call it for what it actually is.
So what is some actual, helpful relationship advice? None of this "There's a cover for every pot" or "Just be yourself" or "You'll find a relationship when you're not looking for one" unhelpful nonsense.
Why don't you list some TANGIBLE, CONCRETE ways to be your better self, rather than this pie in the sky, feel good cliche. I think vague "advice" like this, on any subject, is extremely unhelpful.
IMO "just be yourself" is one of those empty platitudes with no real meaning or weight behind it, and it's not helpful in the slightest.
I wish we could get some honest dating advice out there that actually helped people. And I wish people would stop echoing this horrible sentiment whenever someone on here comes and wants dating advice. Obviously being yourself hasn't helped you if you find yourself seeking out dating advice, so why do people think that saying this is in any way helpful.
The advice is slightly off. Be HAPPY WITH YOURSELF THE WAY YOU ARE and the rest will follow ... or not... and you will still be happy with yourself. The fact is, when you are happy with yourself, you just plain become more attractive. The notion that there is some advice like Just Lift Dude that will solve all your problems is a myth.
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I wish they'd just come out and say what they really mean, which is, if you want people to like "you" you've got to change in order to suit them.
And how well has experience in anyone's life shown this to be effective at anything useful? I am dating in middle age. Many of the men I meet simply want someone to love them for who they are. Why would I want to change who I am for someone else? Aside from the fact that it is fundamentally impossible, what am I achieving? A warm body I have to struggle to satisfy for the rest of my life? I will pass, thanks.
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I know that's completely opposite from what the cliched dating advice tells you, but it's what they're really saying. "You need to get out there and find things out about yourself so you can be more like you???"
People need to stop sugar coating things and accept reality for what it is, starting with this whole notion that you can "Just be yourself" and you'll attract a mate.
Well, if you are a crappy person who does not like themselves with nothing about oneself to like, then no, you won't attract a mate. You think people want to attach themselves to boring people who aren't even happy with who they are? Fill some void for them? Well, no. Just no. The advice is predicated on actually being a complete person. Which most of the people asking these questions just aren't.
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Couldn't be more wrong, and telling these people this only frustrates them more. It's like saying "There's nothing wrong with you, you're just not enough of YOU to attract another person and need to work on yourself to become more like yourself." Uhhh, what?
You know. No real change ever came from a place of comfort. If a person is frustrated, maybe they will have motivation to look at different ideas.
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I think people who are given this advice grow resentful when it doesn't pan out for them and they just get more and more frustrated with the world for not accepting them for who they are, with the constant implicit (not explicit like the "just be yourself" advice) notion that you have to change to be accepted by the world.
I spend exactly zero time thinking about being accepted by the world. The world? That's an awful lot of people to be accepted by. And I am not interested. But when I know me, am my best me, hot damn, I seem to be quite attractive!
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These BS empty platitudes about dating and relationships in general need to go by the wayside and be cast out as the unhelpful, feel good cliches that they are and start giving actual good relationship advice.
What WOULD good advice look like to you? If you do X, you will GET a mate? That advice does not exist. Will you like the mate options that you get? I can promise you that if you don't care as long as you get one, you are one unattractive human being.
Why don't you list some TANGIBLE, CONCRETE ways to be your better self, rather than this pie in the sky, feel good cliche. I think vague "advice" like this, on any subject, is extremely unhelpful.
I certainly have. The advice is generally discarded since there is no straight line between being your better self and getting the woman. Actually BEING your better self is the goal, the rest follows. People don't want that advice. They want advice about a checklist to get a mate. There is no such advice. It does not exist.
In the long run, I think most people (not all) would be happiest with those that they have a deep connection or compatibility with.
But in the short term of your peak dating years (20s/30s), most men and women are pretty much are willing to forsake that for those who are more physically attractive, more exciting, or more intelligent, even if they cannot match that.
Another problem is that the prime mating years are when people still haven't really found themselves and fully matured.
And yet another problem is that men and women are conditioned to be so different that it makes 'being yourself' rendered less useful, because very few people of the opposite sex may get you if you're too far on one side of the spectrum.
What I definitely would not recommend is crafting an image/persona to bag a beautiful woman that is not a match for you. That's like becoming a lawyer who makes a lot of $ when you really hate being a lawyer. Granted, that is not a problem for some people, as I implied before.
Why don't you list some TANGIBLE, CONCRETE ways to be your better self, rather than this pie in the sky, feel good cliche. I think vague "advice" like this, on any subject, is extremely unhelpful.
After reading all that ranting, I thought YOU were going to offer some TANGIBLE, CONCRETE advice.
You must not know your self very well if you think it's a vague platitude.
After reading all that ranting, I thought YOU were going to offer some TANGIBLE, CONCRETE advice.
You must not know your self very well if you think it's a vague platitude.
I told you my take on the whole "Just be yourself" advice.
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Originally Posted by jimmy12345678
IMO, if you are changing to suit other people, you're not really being "you", you're being what society expects of you in order to get what you want from it, and that's not honest in the slightest, nor "being yourself". It's basic manipulation, and I wish we'd call it for what it actually is.
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