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Thanks all. I posted this in lieu of contacting her with the expectation that y'all would talk some sense into me
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
She hasn’t replied to your dating request. Why would you be thinking of more contact?
That was the point of my first question. I'm new to this tool and not sure how most people are using it. If she looked at my profile and didn't reply then obviously that's that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil_fields
Once she remembers who he is, I would think she would feel that way about him. Maybe that's just me though (female here). I'm trying to save OP from embarrassing himself to her. It was only ONE date, one conversation. Then she told him she's pursuing another guy (whether that was an excuse or not). She has no interest in him, obviously.
OP - Think about it. She has been on Facebook dating this year. Soooo, wouldn't she *maybe* have contacted you, or your FB page, Liked something of yours, or done anything at all... if she had the slightest interest or memory of you? Now that she's been single for the last year?
I appreciate your responses and you've convinced me that it's not a good idea. That said:
- If someone I had a strong history with reentered my life, I wouldn't hesitate to drop someone else who I just met. That doesn't mean I wasn't interested. I believe that I was told the truth (more or less); understood that it could've been an excuse.
- No, I absolutely would not expect her to have contacted me. Why would she even have thought about me? I didn't think about her until I happened to see her profile online. She wouldn't have seen mine since I just created it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
OP, why don't you try an intermediate step? Just reach out and say, 'Hello,' and ask if she's doing well. If she responds in a positive way, then fantastic. If she doesn't, you then have your answer.
I'm leaning towards no contact, but thanks for the suggestion. This would be less awkward than what I was thinking.
That was the point of my first question. I'm new to this tool and not sure how most people are using it. If she looked at my profile and didn't reply then obviously that's that.
Can you tell for sure if she has viewed it?
If it's supposed to be for dating, I would assume they wouldn't make it difficult and not make you hunt for it, like getting a message from a person who isn't already a friend.
- No, I absolutely would not expect her to have contacted me. Why would she even have thought about me? I didn't think about her until I happened to see her profile online. She wouldn't have seen mine since I just created it.
You said you *Liked* something of hers, so just hold off and don't initiate any other contact, see if she responds back.
And hey, on the bright side, maybe since you hadn't thought about her and she hasn't thought about you, and it was only one date, 2 years ago.... you could ask her out again now, and maybe she won't remember you two had a date before, and she'll accept!
If it's supposed to be for dating, I would assume they wouldn't make it difficult and not make you hunt for it, like getting a message from a person who isn't already a friend.
No, I have no way to tell. All of the likes you receive show up on a list, but she might have 50 unread or not go on the app for a week. IMO dating is at least 80% luck and timing so it's fantasy to think I can control the randomness.. but still tempting to try
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil_fields
You said you *Liked* something of hers, so just hold off and don't initiate any other contact, see if she responds back.
And hey, on the bright side, maybe since you hadn't thought about her and she hasn't thought about you, and it was only one date, 2 years ago.... you could ask her out again now, and maybe she won't remember you two had a date before, and she'll accept!
In your situation, was it only one previous date? And then you bumped into her 3 years later?It is completely different when you are reaching out online.
No, it's not completely different. Not sure how you think it is. In both cases, they had met in real life. The medium by which they crossed paths, years later, was different....which would have no impact on making another pass at her.
No, it's not completely different. Not sure how you think it is. In both cases, they had met in real life. The medium by which they crossed paths, years later, was different....which would have no impact on making another pass at her.
It is different in that you said you bumped into your girl, in real life. OP has not seen, or bumped into, this girl in real life, since 2 years prior. He has seen her just the one time, not twice.
And, did you date your previous girl for more than one date? That makes a difference, as well.
So, you went on a date with this woman, she dumped you the second a "better offer" came along, and you're masochistic enough to want to subject yourself to this person's whims again, and hope she's not similarly flaky this time around?
I actually don't think it would be the worst thing ever for you to reach out to her again (in a respectful, non-creepy way, which I think you're capable of).
One poster said she's trying to save you from embarrassment. But what's the worst thing that can happen? (Again, if you approach this in the right way and don't go all stalker on her.) You might get rejected a second time. Big deal. You're half expecting that anyway. That being said, definitely don't try for a third time.
As you point out, there's no telling if she even saw your "like" or remembered you from your name. And I think there IS a chance (albeit a small one) that she was being truthful two years ago, did enjoy the date, and might be happy to reconnect with you. You never know. I read stories on this board all the time about people reconnecting after a long-ago first date.
She didn't cut you loose, she didn't feel a connection for you. It was a first date nothing more. The "friend" was an easy let down. If she didn't feel it then she won't feel it now. You can reach out and see how it goes, but don't put too much heart into it.
What does it mean to like a facebook profile? Is that some sort of matching? In my mind it wouldn't be more than a facebook like now? It seems a little passive. Why not send her a message reminding her of your connection and asking if she would like to get coffee? You might as well get it out there. I wouldn't waste my time on someone who just liked my profile. For the record I know nothing of online dating apps!
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