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This might be a sensitive topic but I'm genuinely curious. I'm on dating apps and I've matched with so many men who, after a bit of talking, turns out they are married. The reasons are always things like "my wife never touches me" or "it's complicated." I asked one man why they don't just get divorced and he said "we own too much stuff together." Just makes me lose respect for people seeing how common this is. I've also been asked "are you married?" or "do you have a boyfriend?" several times by men, so I'm guessing women cheat too. Why do people do this?
I have known men in the past who are just scandalous.
They cheat and they chase after women, and they lie about where they work and live to chase after some kitty. But it's pre-meditated and very matter of fact. They want @ss, in general, or are unhappy and want more excitement.
I'll be honest, a lot of guys cheat just because the opportunity was there. It's not all that common for a woman to throw herself at a man.
But the very, very worst stories of cheating that I have were initiated by women. I'm talking about stuff like screwing another guy when your boyfriend happens to be in the same place.
Women are not as likely to just chase after tail just because...
However, when another man strikes that 'spark', that emotion, that passion that everybody keeps talking about. They'll chase it a lot more than men will.
Especially women who are 'thrill/sensation' seekers. And then there's the revenge/spite cheating. Ooh.
Well, at least younger women will do that stuff.
As a middle aged person, I'll be honest, I haven't seen many if any instances of cheating amongst my friends' marriages. Before the marriage yes, but after the hitch, they've been good.
This might be a sensitive topic but I'm genuinely curious. I'm on dating apps and I've matched with so many men who, after a bit of talking, turns out they are married. The reasons are always things like "my wife never touches me" or "it's complicated." I asked one man why they don't just get divorced and he said "we own too much stuff together." Just makes me lose respect for people seeing how common this is. I've also been asked "are you married?" or "do you have a boyfriend?" several times by men, so I'm guessing women cheat too. Why do people do this?
Also, a lot of separated (not divorced) on the sites. Usually these separations never wind up in a divorce, but sadly I've known friends that have no qualms about dating someone that is separated, but to me.....separated is STILL married.
More than 50% of marriages end up in divorce. Today women have careers, and more options. Not saying it is more their fault. I know a women who had a great husband and two great young kids. It seemed like the perfect marriage. Both successful in their careers, attractive, fixed up a big old home, making it a beautiful place. Everything looked perfect from the outside. She met a man 22 years her senior, fell in love, got divorced, got pregnant by him, and they are now married. He's 60 she is 38. They seem happy. How long with THAT last?
Another couple I know, have a pretty tough marriage as she has a great career, and he is a stay at home Dad with two beautiful young kids. They are still married, however, she has been in a three year affair with another man who is also married and has kids. She talks about divorce but never pulls the trigger. I guess things are too comfortable to change, but she is not super happy with the situation, but not enough to blow it all up, at least not yet.
Sometimes, I really don't know why people even GET married today.
More than 50% of marriages end up in divorce. Today women have careers, and more options. Not saying it is more their fault. I know a women who had a great husband and two great young kids. It seemed like the perfect marriage. Both successful in their careers, attractive, fixed up a big old home, making it a beautiful place. Everything looked perfect from the outside. She met a man 22 years her senior, fell in love, got divorced, got pregnant by him, and they are now married. He's 60 she is 38. They seem happy. How long with THAT last?
Another couple I know, have a pretty tough marriage as she has a great career, and he is a stay at home Dad with two beautiful young kids. They are still married, however, she has been in a three year affair with another man who is also married and has kids. She talks about divorce but never pulls the trigger. I guess things are too comfortable to change, but she is not super happy with the situation, but not enough to blow it all up, at least not yet.
Sometimes, I really don't know why people even GET married today.
I think it depends on demographics.
The friends that I know got married pretty late (~mid 30s) and it won't be anywhere near close to 50% of them getting divorced.
People are getting married later and people who are getting married are not having kids. I'd be surprised if that number is still 50% going forward.
The first 10 women I met in bars here in CA were married. The chances of you meeting someone in a bar that is unhappily married is pretty high here. They won't tell you until it's too late. Both sexes.
They are not just in bars. They are on dating sites, too, which I find way worse.
More than 50% of marriages end up in divorce. Today women have careers, and more options. Not saying it is more their fault. I know a women who had a great husband and two great young kids. It seemed like the perfect marriage. Both successful in their careers, attractive, fixed up a big old home, making it a beautiful place. Everything looked perfect from the outside. She met a man 22 years her senior, fell in love, got divorced, got pregnant by him, and they are now married. He's 60 she is 38. They seem happy. How long with THAT last?
Another couple I know, have a pretty tough marriage as she has a great career, and he is a stay at home Dad with two beautiful young kids. They are still married, however, she has been in a three year affair with another man who is also married and has kids. She talks about divorce but never pulls the trigger. I guess things are too comfortable to change, but she is not super happy with the situation, but not enough to blow it all up, at least not yet.
Sometimes, I really don't know why people even GET married today.
I think the 50% stat is high because it includes second marriages. The divorce rate in second marriages is much higher than first marriages.
I'm leaning toward being kind in my assessment, but people cheat because being married or in any long term committed relationship is hard. Life is hard and unpredictable and it goes by way too fast. That's true whether we're in a relationship or not, but the view from within a relationship can seem pretty limiting. It can seem comfortable and connected and relatively safe or kind of a bulwark against those difficulties and that unpredictability, but then people in the relationship can change in unanticipated ways, or fail to change or more accurately fail to grow, or fail to grow with as opposed to away from their partner. And even when the couple stays on the same path and feels content with their combined efforts in the relationship, content, cozy comfort and desire don't mix all that well.
And when people are aware enough to know they're not really fulfilled, they're often not brave enough to talk to their partner about it. Pre-pillow talk like "my wife doesn't understand me", or "my husband doesn't notice me" are often true enough statements, but they're symptoms the speaker often hasn't talked to his or her partner about. Often because people are afraid. Afraid to say out loud that they're not happy, and to invite a similar assessment back. Because then WTF do you do? If you're really honest there's a chance that you or your partner will want to leave, and even when that's the best thing to do, there's a lot of inertia that builds and makes it tough to do. I've heard that inertia referred to as marriage capital, but in this case it's only capital in the sense of a sunk cost. But the concept of a sunk cost is a thing because we have such a tough time walking away from an investment.
So rather than doing any of the unpleasant work that may just result in us concluding that it's time to split, we look for or leave ourselves open to a pleasant distraction.
Wife or girlfriend has no interest in sex and the man still does. Tired of begging or hoping for sex at home and he finds a woman at work, bar or wherever that is horny and in the same boat. Then stuff happens. If I had a dollar for every time I hear a woman in a bar say, I am not getting any at home or he doesn't treat me right, so I am looking for some strange, I could retire. Same goes for men.
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