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Yes that’s him. We were friends with benefits before though.
You told us before he was making you do terrible things that you didn't want to do and that he was awful to you and you married him???????????????? What about the France trip? Or the Disney trip.
You are married but don’t live together and he goes to see his family twice without you??? Unless he has a very common name you can google him and find out lots of information. Something is definitely rotten in Denmark!
OP ...have you ever done any kind of background check on him? I know it sounds suspicious and paranoid to do so, but its something I have found useful when I suspected a guy wasn't being upfront with me. Maybe there are people who frown on it and think its invasive, but being lied to is also a bad time.
If you have never done a background check on him, I would recommend that as a first step to see if he is hiding something. There are sites that only charge $1 or so and you can find any arrest records, warrants, family member names, any marriages, etc.
Sweetie, the call is coming from inside the house! Look, this is a metric f-ton of shady AF crap. And honestly, I'm a bit concerned for your safety and mental health. This is waaaay dysfunctional.
You need to just extract yourself from the situation and file for divorce. This is not love and it is not normal. You should not be someone's dirty little secret, and he is not being honest with you.
Stop lying to yourself. Take charge and be the author of your own story.
I got married about a month ago and I havent met my in laws yet because they live in another city. I think it’s weird that I havent met any of my husbands family but he does talk about them. When we got married we did the courthouse thing and plan to have an actual wedding once things slow down with him at work. So since there has not been a wedding I have not met any of his family yet. He has met my sister but I don’t have much family to introduce him to anymore.
Over the holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving I expected us to go visit his family but he went alone both times. I asked him why we couldn’t go together and both times he told me he wanted to tell them in person he got married and not just over the phone and he wanted to be alone when he told them. So I stayed behind both times. But now I’m starting to wedding plan and when I ask when I can meet them he says soon but then changes the subject.
That seems weird right? Its not just me? I know they exist because I’ve seen pictures and stuff so I don’t know what it could be.
A courthouse wedding *is* a wedding--what you're planning is a party. That being said, none of what's going on is either right or normal. You'd do well to hit the pause button on the wedding party planning and dig out the details of just what's going on with your new husband.
Happy newlywed spouses want to introduce the newest member of the family to their friends and family of origin and don't wait until they're sans spouse to tell others about their marriage--pregnant sister or not.
Does his family realize that *you* exist in your husband's life, even if they don't know that you're legally bound to one another? His family might seem to be normal via what portray in pictures and social media, but until you really get to meet them, there's no way to tell what's true and what's not.
Until you get to the truth of all matters involving your husband, please do the following:
Keep your apartment. Keep your job. Do at least a cursory, if not a fully in-depth background check on your husband. Do not open any accounts with him and do not give him access to your social security number for any reason. Do not let him take out any life insurance policies on you. And reach out to your new family as soon as you can to introduce yourself as it seems unlikely that this will occur without you forcing the issue.
I think that you might be surprised at what you find out when you reach out to your new in-laws.....
P.S. A thought that just crossed my mind: is your former boyfriend/friend with benefits (while he had girlfriend, no less!)/new husband of a different religion or culture from your own? One that wishes their son's marriage to be with a woman of a similar heritage with a solid family background and education of her own? If that's the case, that could logically explain why he's so hesitant to introduce you to his family and wishes to be alone with them when he tells them of his marriage. Going "off script" when it comes to marriage is frowned upon in some cultural or religious circles; it might take time for them to adjust to the idea of having a new family member who is culturally dissimilar to them (if, indeed, your husband's family is of a different background than your own).
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 01-01-2020 at 03:27 PM..
This is an interesting comment. Where are you going with this?
It was just an off-hand thought (and I'm not one who watches *those* sorts of programs on the ID channel).
Still, given the O.P.'s general naiveté and overly trusting nature when it comes to men (and her desire to please others in general to her own detriment), it's not a bad idea to have mentioned "just in case" as there is no need for there to be a policy as they have no joint assets together.
Her new husband kept her hidden in the past from a girlfriend (he wasn't single when they were mere friends with benefits, if you recall); now he's keeping her hidden from his family. Neither leopards nor people change their spots easily and a wise woman would do well to tread cautiously with a person like this man until she discovers the truth behind the excessive secrecy.
Do your parents or other family members know about your husband?
Do they know you haven't met any in-laws yet?
The OP mentioned a couple of times that the in-laws live in another CITY as if this is part of the reason they haven't been told.
Seems so odd and isolating to me.
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