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Old 01-06-2020, 10:23 AM
 
220 posts, read 195,351 times
Reputation: 473

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Good Luck Belle. Whatever you decide to do, trust your instincts and put yourself first.

 
Old 01-06-2020, 10:32 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,659,779 times
Reputation: 54735
Quote:
Originally Posted by brooklynpad View Post
Good Luck Belle. Whatever you decide to do, trust your instincts and put yourself first.
Her instinct is to stay with him, and she apparently is doing just that.
 
Old 01-06-2020, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Northern California
128,990 posts, read 11,931,519 times
Reputation: 38775
Belle, you seem like a nice lady, you do not need this trash for a husband. Please follow the advice given, on divorce/annulment & counseling.
 
Old 01-06-2020, 10:39 AM
 
6,952 posts, read 4,419,226 times
Reputation: 22717
Hopefully, they aren’t legally married. That wouldn’t surprise me. So sorry Belle. Please seek counseling to help you through this horrible experience.
 
Old 01-06-2020, 10:46 AM
 
10,746 posts, read 25,944,054 times
Reputation: 16026
Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
I never said that she is anything you posted above. I said that she should seek compensation for false promises and marriage without intent. This is NOT gold-digging. This is her right.



She should seek a FREE consultation and see if the cost of the divorce could be covered by the husband. He IS the reason for divorce.
Also most lawyers donate free time for pro bono work, maybe someone would take her case. If not, she could be referred to another lawyer that could take her case.



Married people pay less taxes. Maybe he is making good money and being single he is paying high taxes. There could be other reasons unknown to us.
Or maybe he is a deviant that married her to have open marriage or practice "weird" sex possibly involving other people and she was the most suitable girl for such marriage. Remember, he already has a history of requesting sexual acts she was not comfortable to perform. Who knows his reasons and plans.




I agree, for now, until she knows more about all this mess, she should definitely keep her apartment and her job, and make sure she doesn't get pregnant.
Some girls think that they can make a man love them and stay with them when they get pregnant. I am skeptical of her case. I think, under present circumstances, if she gets pregnant her life will turn to hell and she will end being struggling single mother or married woman to a character who will lie, disrespect her and have affairs with other women. Once a cheater and a liar - always a cheater and liar.
Her life will not any better...

The Basics of Annulment in North Carolina:
https://www.divorcenet.com/resources...north_carolina
Oh goodness!! I am so sorry.,, I didn’t mean to imply that you called her those things. I was making a statement based on something someone else said.. not you.
 
Old 01-06-2020, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 25,056,304 times
Reputation: 51113
Oh Belle, I am so sorry.

Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
At least this is clear - he lives with his "ex" and spent New Year with her. Therefore she should not be called an ex. She is very much present - his current significant other. He is not going to end this relationship. Perhaps she is a better match, socially more appropriate and approved by his parents.
OR maybe the whole "parents will not approve" was just a lie.

So whatever he was telling about his psycho ex was a lie. I suspect that most everything he told OP was just a lie, including that he loves and cares for her.

It's still very unclear why he married OP. Perhaps his current GF is married to someone else? Or doesn't want to be married to him?
I wonder if she knows that he is married now. While I was actually trying to believe that OP got married, now I have a hard time with that, although if they really went to the City Hall I don't see how he could manage to pull a fake stunt. I don't know. I was never married in the US, so I don't know the procedures.

I am not sure what to think. I feel really sorry for OP, especially because now she realized that this is not a marriage she was hoping for. The only way to get out of it would be to get the marriage annulled and ask to compensate for emotional damage. She needs to involve a lawyer.
The marriage never existed and is easily voidable. He should be liable for legal costs and other compensations.
This is not gold-digging and the OP has every right to get compensated. It is 100% his fault. He married her without the proper intent.

OP, this marriage has no future. Nothing will change, ever. He is a cheater and a liar. He disrespected you. He is ashamed of you and you are already annoyed and frustrated with the situation.
You should go to a lawyer (any lawyer) to get a free consultation and directions.
Enough is enough and you owe it to yourself
.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VexedAndSolitary View Post
The bizarreness of this man's behavior goes way beyond cheating, lying and using a naive girl for sexual acts she was uncomfortable with but did anyway...it is SO incredible he has to have some nefarious agenda beyond the obvious (sex with someone additional to his GF). Has to.

He could've gotten Belle to resume their old arrangement I am sure, could've just dated and slept with her, yet he married her...there must be a reason and none of the ones that come to mind are to Belle's benefit. All point to her being victimized in one way or another.

I wonder what the GF is being told.
I had a nightmare after Belle first posted about her marriage to him. It was that he took out a huge life insurance policy on her (without her knowledge) and then murdered her to collect on the insurance policy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by VexedAndSolitary View Post
I strongly suggest you have a visit with a counselor ASAP, asap! If your community college has that resource, use it! Even a crisis center, women's shelter, anything. NOT for long term therapy (though I think you need that badly) BUT just to GET SOME ADVICE and insight into this nightmare situation, from someone other than INTERNET strangers. You need someone to guide you out of this. Someone IRL. If you had trusted adults to go to I wouldn't suggest this but you have no one from what you've stated (which is likely another reason he picked you). A church, even. Anyone who can hear the ENTIRE story and then try to help you.

Telling bits and pieces to internet strangers won't help you. SOMEone needs to hear it all and a counselor is a perfect choice for that, especially a crisis type counselor.

What do your girlfriends say to you about the situation? (if you've told them all details)
Please, please seek legitimate help. If you were my daughter I would suggest putting this situation "on the record" in multiple ways. Such as talking to an attorney and a woman's shelter/women's counselor about your options. Writing it out and sending a "to be opened in case of my death letter" to your sister & friend (and maybe an attorney and/or a professor at the college and/or religious leader or friend from church).

Frankly, if you were my daughter I would suggest that you also discuss it with the police -----make sure that they write it down so there is an official record------just in case something happens to you or he broke/breaks some laws.

Belle, all of your friends on CD wish you well.
 
Old 01-06-2020, 01:36 PM
 
220 posts, read 195,351 times
Reputation: 473
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Her instinct is to stay with him, and she apparently is doing just that.
Some people unfortunately only learn via trial and error ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Best to just be compassionate and allow them to make their mistakes.
 
Old 01-06-2020, 01:48 PM
 
4,382 posts, read 2,269,684 times
Reputation: 4633
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Oh Belle, I am so sorry.





I had a nightmare after Belle first posted about her marriage to him. It was that he took out a huge life insurance policy on her (without her knowledge) and then murdered her to collect on the insurance policy.



Please, please seek legitimate help. If you were my daughter I would suggest putting this situation "on the record" in multiple ways. Such as talking to an attorney and a woman's shelter/women's counselor about your options. Writing it out and sending a "to be opened in case of my death letter" to your sister & friend (and maybe an attorney and/or a professor at the college and/or religious leader or friend from church).

Frankly, if you were my daughter I would suggest that you also discuss it with the police -----make sure that they write it down so there is an official record------just in case something happens to you or he broke/breaks some laws.


Belle, all of your friends on CD wish you well.
Good advice. While I was breaking up with a scary guy years ago I had a friend who was a LAPD cop. I basically told my friend if something happens to me, where to look. It wasnt a police report, just a heads up because I trusted him with the info. Nothing happened but I didnt want to go down as a cold case, unsolved mystery if anything did.

I wanted to give belles husband the benefit of the doubt because I believe she deserves a break after all she's been through, but this whole thing is too bizarre and unsettling.

Hopefully there is someone with a good head on their shoulders in belles life she can trust with swnsitive information. She seems pretty secretive about it too. I wouldnt be surprised if shes hiding a lot from her friends, about him.
 
Old 01-06-2020, 01:49 PM
 
4,382 posts, read 2,269,684 times
Reputation: 4633
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Oh Belle, I am so sorry.





I had a nightmare after Belle first posted about her marriage to him. It was that he took out a huge life insurance policy on her (without her knowledge) and then murdered her to collect on the insurance policy.



Please, please seek legitimate help. If you were my daughter I would suggest putting this situation "on the record" in multiple ways. Such as talking to an attorney and a woman's shelter/women's counselor about your options. Writing it out and sending a "to be opened in case of my death letter" to your sister & friend (and maybe an attorney and/or a professor at the college and/or religious leader or friend from church).

Frankly, if you were my daughter I would suggest that you also discuss it with the police -----make sure that they write it down so there is an official record------just in case something happens to you or he broke/breaks some laws.


Belle, all of your friends on CD wish you well.
Good advice. While I was breaking up with a scary guy years ago I had a friend who was a LAPD cop. I basically told my friend if something happens to me, where to look. It wasnt a police report, just a heads up because I trusted him with the info. Nothing happened but I didnt want to go down as a cold case, unsolved mystery if anything did.

I wanted to give belles husband the benefit of the doubt because I believe she deserves a break after all she's been through, but this whole thing is too bizarre and unsettling.

Hopefully there is someone with a good head on their shoulders in belles life she can trust with sensitive information. She seems pretty secretive about it as well. I wouldnt be surprised if shes hiding a lot from her friends, about him.
 
Old 01-06-2020, 01:50 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,659,779 times
Reputation: 54735
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Oh Belle, I am so sorry.





I had a nightmare after Belle first posted about her marriage to him. It was that he took out a huge life insurance policy on her (without her knowledge) and then murdered her to collect on the insurance policy.



Please, please seek legitimate help. If you were my daughter I would suggest putting this situation "on the record" in multiple ways. Such as talking to an attorney and a woman's shelter/women's counselor about your options. Writing it out and sending a "to be opened in case of my death letter" to your sister & friend (and maybe an attorney and/or a professor at the college and/or religious leader or friend from church).

Frankly, if you were my daughter I would suggest that you also discuss it with the police -----make sure that they write it down so there is an official record------just in case something happens to you or he broke/breaks some laws.

Belle, all of your friends on CD wish you well.
You know what's galling? She won't do any of this.

At some point, people need to stop making excuses for OP, giving her a pass on her exquisitely bad choices because she is mentally slow, had a poor upbringing, etc.

She is much savvier than you give her credit for. The truth is, she is selfish and stubborn. She wants what she wants no matter what.

For the last several years, she has received REAMS of thoughtful advice from dozens of very smart, very experienced people. Great suggestions to protect herself. Links to services that could improve her life. People have spent a lot of time and attention on her to the point of bringing her problems into their RL.

But she has failed to show any appreciation or offered a THANK YOU for the effort, care and compassion some posters offer consistently.

To her, we are dum dums who know nothing and have no decent advice to offer, so she just blows it off.

Yep, galling.
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