Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When I tried the dating sites, back around 2000, I put the range to look at 100 miles or less. Of course this was when there were quite a few free dating sites. I met my wife on one. She lived 70 miles away. Once things got serious we took turns traveling to each other's place on weekends, unless something was happening. Even after we married, because of our jobs and personal details, we still lived that 70 miles apart for 6 years until I retired.
Both of us lived in small towns. The population of the entire county I lived in was under 20,000. That means everybody just about knows everybody. Try to date somebody "local" and just about everybody knows about it before you go to pick her up for your date. I met several nice ladies through this site but didn't hit it off dating. Still friends with a couple of them on facebook.
If you find somebody who lives a distance from you and you both wonder if you can do it, we thought the same thing when we talked marriage. But like my wife said, you can do it if you both really want it to work. Good luck!
If you’re honest with your profile info, you’ll attract someone who’s OK with your location! Isn’t that the object?
I’ve met people who don’t want to drive 10 miles, and I’ve met people two hours away in another state. I for one, enjoy driving, and I’m free to do whatever I want. Sure makes things easier to just be yourself.
For whatever reason, I get a lot of messages from women in rural areas of Virginia, usually at least an hour away. I'm not driving over there often. There's nothing to do - many of these towns have nothing other than fast food, so going on a conventional date would be almost impossible.
I'll ask them to come back here where there are at least some sit-down restaurants, movie theaters, and other things to do, but almost all of them won't and some openly say they don't have the gas money. I'll pay for their gas to and from, but it's like no one wants to drive.
If I'm going to drive an hour for a date, I'm just going to drive the extra 45 mins or so over to Asheville or Knoxville.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
When I did OLD, I would not meet up with anyone who didn't live in my city. I was suspicious of people that were "long distance".
I live in a "Tri-Cities" area. I have no problem driving the half hour or so between the three cities or the small towns close to these three larger cities. I'm not driving 50 miles deep into southwest Virginia coal country.
Are you looking for men or women this time? Hookups or LTR? It makes a difference based on your geography.
I have never dated a man with any sort of long-term relationship in mind. I'm not saying I never would, but I've never found a man I've been interested in romantically.
Quote:
Originally Posted by riffle
I've done this. I don't recommend it. These are your problems:
- Especially since you're specifically looking for someone with a professional career, you're setting up a situation where one person will have to change jobs and move. You sound willing, but it puts a lot of pressure on a newly serious relationship when it's time to have that talk. And, circumstances change. What if you fall in love, then happen to get promoted again?
- It helps far less than you think that you travel there often "as it is". Reality: scheduling dates is hard, especially for busy, career-driven people. If your availability is limited to next weekend when you plan to be in town, the odds are very good that your would-be date has a conflict. You have to be willing to ask when she is available then make it happen. RE: the previous post.. I enjoy driving too, but nobody likes driving at 11pm on a work night in sleet or a thunderstorm. If OP limits his availability to times when the drive is enjoyable, good luck to him LOL.
- Accomplished and/or attractive people have options. You start out at a disadvantage by living far away, for most of the women you meet. Also, bear in mind that having a better career than most guys in your area may be helping with your dating prospects, more than you realize.
- You will invest a lot of time, energy, and money in driving and the returns are not especially likely to justify that investment.
If you insist on trying, here is my advice:
- Don't just "change the location". Be up front about your situation in your profile / use an app where you can browse other places but still show your accurate home city. You will lose a lot of prospects, but this is much better than wasting time talking with someone then having the "surprise!" moment about where you live.
- Wait till spring. Winter is milder in Tennessee than where I live, but you still don't want be driving those hills in the ice.
- Don't be fooled by initial results. Dating apps are a good tool, but their purpose is to make money, and the swiping algorithms are designed accordingly. My experience is that most will give you a leg up when you start swiping in a new place. That doesn't mean that the dating pool is really that much better or your profile that much more popular there.
Good luck.
I'm on-call one weeked out of every four. I usually don't leave town that weekend, but I could and just take my laptop. Other than that, my weekends are pretty open. I would say I average one weekend trip a month (sometimes overnight but not always) in the winter and maybe two in the summer. If someone wants to go out this weekend in Knoxville or Asheville, I could make that happen. I'm not limiting it to just certain weekends.
I'm flexible on the job and I'm not looking for someone making six figures. With that said, most of the people available locally have some kind of "issue." I gave some 36 year old that lived about half an hour from my Snapchat yesterday. I went to bed about 8 and had several messages overnight asking where I was. I told her I went to bed early and she asked if I was taken and I told her no. She's also "trying to get her disability." I'm sorry - I have no interest in someone who doesn't have a job and wants to get on disability. I've been talking to a 19 year old and her line of thinking is "buy me things."
Last edited by Serious Conversation; 01-07-2020 at 07:42 AM..
I'm 33 and live in northeast TN. I broke up with my most recent ex about three months ago. I've been on several dating sites, and while I've had quite a few dates, I haven't really had much interest in anyone I've met. Most everyone I've been out with has been religious, lower income, and generally haven't seemed too bright or engaged with the world.
I'm a white collar professional with a fairly good job, never married, not religious, no kids, and like to travel. This is a blue collar area where people tend to marry young, have kids, and there aren't many good jobs. Finding someone here who is self-sufficient (own apartment/house) with a professional job is almost impossible. I'm just not going to have much in common with someone working at a gas station or fast food who goes to church three times a week.. I was pretty much excluding anyone with kids, but I'm open to older kids (10 or so). I'm not picky on looks or size (other than being able to get around) as I'm a bit overweight myself.
The problem is that this area is fairly isolated. I'm around an hour and a half to two hours from the nearest metros of consequence. Knoxville has the UT flagship campus with a better economy and more going on. Asheville is a tourist haven with a lot to do and people from various walks of life. Both are going to have far more prospects than my small town. I don't particularly like living here as it is and the dating market is a big part of that.
I've been thinking about just changing the location on the dating profiles to these areas and seeing what happens. I'm in Asheville probably two weekends a month on average as it is. I'm open to relocation, but it would probably be a weekends only thing until I felt the relationship was serious enough and found a job.
Does this sound reasonable?
I've tried this a few times. It didn't help. I'm also isolated. Its to the point where I'm going overseas to find a wife. I'm not just looking to date, but to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I know it sounds extreme, but it is what it is. So my answer is thousands of miles to find someone.
I'm on-call one weeked out of every four. I usually don't leave town that weekend, but I could and just take my laptop. Other than that, my weekends are pretty open. I would say I average one weekend trip a month (sometimes overnight but not always) in the winter and maybe two in the summer. If someone wants to go out this weekend in Knoxville or Asheville, I could make that happen. I'm not limiting it to just certain weekends.
Maybe it's different in your 30s when many people have settled down with kids. I'm in my 20s, and people make plans on the weekends. Only offering weekend availability leads to 2+ week gaps between 1st, 2nd, 3rd dates. And I find that it's impossible to connect with a stranger based on so much time apart and so little time together. Your mileage may vary.
For casual dating there’s nothing wrong with focusing on Asheville and Knoxville. Makes complete sense. No reason to hide where you live. They’d understand. Just tell them you were having trouble meeting compatible people and needed to branch out.
In the meantime, why not make plans to move to the city of your choice?
For whatever reason, I get a lot of messages from women in rural areas of Virginia, usually at least an hour away. I'm not driving over there often. There's nothing to do - many of these towns have nothing other than fast food, so going on a conventional date would be almost impossible.
Most men here say they don't want to spend a lot of money taking women to nice restaurants, so I'm not sure why fast food places would be a problem. It would be a cheap date. Are you just not interested in rural women because you don't find them to be sophisticated? I'm not trying to snark or anything, just maybe it's something to think about...KWIM? I guess I'm just surprised that cheap dating options are a problem for any man.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
