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I mean no offense to anyone. But irl I'm an active physically fit woman. I ride horses, ski, etc. I am attractive.
In my career, I do a lot of traveling and encounter a lot of people. So on my work-related FB profile, I've got friends, friends of friends, associates, etc. Some I may have simply met in passing, etc. I say work-related as I really just maintain it to keep contacts, etc.
I've got a few pictures on this FB profile & none of them are even remotely provocative. Unless having no exposed skin except hands & face is considered provocative nowadays ?
And yet I've noticed a trend from guys that are below 40 (mid-20s/30s are the worse "offenders") & single in this group. They seem to think that a single attractive woman on FB who wants to be "friends" or accepts their "friend" request = let's "hook up".
It's sort of like a bar but worse - as in a bar you've only got the local guys to fend off where I've got guys from New Zealand, as an example, looking to 'hook up' and I'm in America.
Again mean no offense & don't want to start an argument - try to keep it civil - but I'm curious if anyone's got some insight on the why? Like said it seems to be a certain age bracket that predominantly does this.
I've ended up blocking so many people that don't understand not interested that I'm beginning to think changing my profile picture to a dairy cow won't go amiss.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Some people just think every single venue/location/avenue is a potential place to get a date and that "you miss 100 percent of shots you don't take". It's pretty sad and desperate, but the generation you're speaking about didn't learn to socialize without social media.
Some people just think every single venue/location/avenue is a potential place to get a date and that "you miss 100 percent of shots you don't take". It's pretty sad and desperate, but the generation you're speaking about didn't learn to socialize without social media.
This is true. But I know plenty of young guys who managed to get into good relationships anyway. There are always outliers of course.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
This is true. But I know plenty of young guys who managed to get into good relationships anyway. There are always outliers of course.
Sure, but the concept of time and place can still be an issue. There is time and place. But when people have learned to communicate 24/7 through media that time and place and manner can be blurred.
That's just the nature of social media. Makes it easier for people to say things they wouldn't say in person. I don't use social media, so I don't have these issues. Last time I checked, my FB profile is full of friend requests that have been sitting there for years. I just don't care.
Some people just think every single venue/location/avenue is a potential place to get a date and that "you miss 100 percent of shots you don't take". It's pretty sad and desperate, but the generation you're speaking about didn't learn to socialize without social media.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
This is true. But I know plenty of young guys who managed to get into good relationships anyway. There are always outliers of course.
I think it may be that social media is an effective and helpful way decent people to meet people due to it's reach, but it's also an effective way for desperate people to be desperate, and for a-holes to be a-holes.
Social media is a special place for sure. I got a friend request from a gf from 25 years ago. She has been married for 20 years and i still considered us friends, so i accepted. It wasn't long till i start getting "i would like to do you" messages on im. Wtf? One day she posts a pic of her and the husband and what a great guy he was and five minutes later sends me an im that he is going out of town for five days do i want to come over for sex. Ended up blocking her. Pretty much don't use social media anymore because of drama.
Last edited by Bearsdad; 01-06-2020 at 11:49 AM..
Reason: Error
I wonder about this sort of thing, too, because I've never gotten inappropriate interest from guys on FB. I mean, I don't think that I am unappealing, nor do I go out of my way to be super feminine or attractive, most of my photos are hanging out at GWAR events with my friends, so there's no "girl in a bar in a mini dress" type look about me ever. I'm 40, but even in my 30's I didn't get bothered. I think I'm average-ish looking. *shrug* So I guess I'm saying I don't think it's a matter of being provocative or hot or no...I know women who are less conventionally attractive than I am who get more rando-DMs than I ever have.
If I had to guess, I'd say that when I finally changed my relationship status on Facebook, it went from married to divorced to in a relationship, and I don't think I ever put "single." AND, I have mine set so that only friends can see most of what I post. I think that with my privacy settings, a non-friend can see when I change my profile pic, and my name, and not a ton else. I don't compartmentalize a whole lot, but I want to limit how much people from my professional life are poking their noses into my personal life without my say-so.
And there is not a chance in hell I'd ever, EVER use Facebook as a dating app, even back when I was doing online dating. Nope, nope, nope. Facebook is creepy and full of scammers enough, thanks, without bringing that into it.
So I guess the advice I'd give you is that if you don't want guys trying to reach out to you trying to date you, come on to you, or "hook up" with you, then change your privacy settings and/or your relationship status. What you cannot do, is try and encourage the right sort of man to find you there, but shut all the others out so you never have to deal with them...that just isn't how that sort of thing works.
And there is not a chance in hell I'd ever, EVER use Facebook as a dating app, even back when I was doing online dating. Nope, nope, nope.
And yet, Facebook has recently added that ridiculous dating feature now. Unbelievable.
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