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It sounds to me like your a very lucky man & she is a very lucky lady.
If you feel from your heart that you truly love your lady, & that you belong together, i feel "Go ahead & propose when you feel the time is right".
I wish for you both, "All the happiness in the world & a long life together".
Your story is very sweet; it reads like a novel or movie. I think that you should propose, but the wedding should be set for a year later.
The part of your story that interests me the feelings for your late wife. You dated her for 5 years before marrying her. Why did you propose and marry her if you were not IN love with her? Did you know you were settling when you were dating her, or did you realize it only after you married her? Why did you date here if there was no romantic chemistry and spark?
Regardless, I know from experience that when you're older, you know what you want and what you aren't willing to live with, and I don't think the conventional wisdom about "how soon is too soon" applies. So I'm not as much of a stickler about that.
This. Plus, you've known one another for ages, she isn't a stranger you need to get to know.
Your kids are on board, it's not from out of left field, it's been a long time coming. She didn't "just get a divorce," It's been a year and a half since her marriage ended. If you have indications that she's of the "not looking to get married again anytime soon," or anything of that nature, then I'd put the brakes on, but if there's no reason to think that, there's not exactly any reason to delay something you are sure about. You also don't have to get married immediately once you propose... you can set the date further out, if you choose to spend more time animating to couplehood.
My husband and I met at 35 and 40 (neither of us was previously married, however). He proposed eight months later, we married 13 months after our first date. Six years and two babies later, never any regrets.
Most short-romance marriages that fail, fail because the couple have a strong physical attraction to each other and nothing else. The OP already has the “everyday friendship” aspect covered. I say go for it. Life is short.
My husband and I were friends first also; never thought he'd be interested in me; same kind of deal; we were together as a couple 6 months; then engaged 7 months; it's been 35 years now!!
The part of your story that interests me the feelings for your late wife. You dated her for 5 years before marrying her. Why did you propose and marry her if you were not IN love with her?
For most of our relationship prior to marriage, we were long distance, so it was relatively easy for her to put on a good front. When I proposed I was in love with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beak
Did you know you were settling when you were dating her, or did you realize it only after you married her?
I realized it after we were married and the affection and intimacy died. Unfortunately, being Catholic, I was raised with the archaic "you don't ever divorce" mentality. It took me a very long time to get over that stupid ****.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beak
Why did you date here if there was no romantic chemistry and spark?
At the beginning there was. I was also at a place in my life where I had very little confidence in myself and thought I couldn't do better than her. Didn't really think anyone kind or sweet would want to be with me.
Most short-romance marriages that fail, fail because the couple have a strong physical attraction to each other and nothing else. The OP already has the “everyday friendship” aspect covered. I say go for it. Life is short.
This goes far beyond anything purely physical. I've been physically attracted to other women I've been close to and had close contact with. That attraction didn't last nearly the decade my feelings for my gf have lasted.
I would wait at least 2 years. I feel like that’s when you really start to know a person through their good and bad moods/behaviors. I know you said you knew each other for a long time, but dating and living together is a different story. Personally, I would never bother to get married a second time around if my current marriage failed...
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From a female
