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Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help ... (but) A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Dependency isn't a need unless your dependent. Strength of self, the ability to self esteem, confidence and capacity, lends itself to exponentially better relationships.
I'd see this in dating profiles, putting emphasis on how they don't "need" a man, but it would be nice to have one. Never really understood why it would even be necessary to put that out there
It amuses me that you would not understand why they would say this.
The idea that they need a man, means that guys like you get to argue they should settle for "Mr. Good Enough."
Saying that they don't NEED a man but it would be nice to have one, means that they're just fine on their own, but could be persuaded to partner up by the right person who is a really good fit. This would make you mad, I guess, because the idea that a guy should have to step up and meet any standards other than "I'm breathing and I won't hit you" is offensive? I don't know.
It is the endless argument, how frustrating it is that the object of one's desire has a mind of its own and the ability to decline. The chubby girl who did not find you attractive, she clearly did not NEED a man. But you argue that she had no right, being less than perfect herself, to refuse you... So yeah, clearly this concept does need explaining. Specifically to the likes of you.
Wants and needs are often wrapped up together and it can be hard to distinguish them, contrary to what some people think. I felt I both wanted and needed a man as a partner to be a father to my children. Because I wanted my kids to grow up with a father.
Karl Marx said that economics is the driving force behind all human behavior. The desire to obtain goods, resources or money is what drives humans. Do some people marry purely for love and love alone? Maybe. i don't know.
if a person is adamant that they don't "need" someone else, it stands to reason that they would not marry. They would just have a relationship, but not marry. Because marriage means legally combining goods and resources, and since clearly they don't need that, they would not marry. I would seriously question a person who claims they don't need someone, but still want to get married if they met the right person. Why tie up your legal assets if you want to be independent?
Wants and needs are often wrapped up together and it can be hard to distinguish them, contrary to what some people think. I felt I both wanted and needed a man as a partner to be a father to my children. Because I wanted my kids to grow up with a father.
Karl Marx said that economics is the driving force behind all human behavior. The desire to obtain goods, resources or money is what drives humans. Do some people marry purely for love and love alone? Maybe. i don't know.
if a person is adamant that they don't "need" someone else, it stands to reason that they would not marry. They would just have a relationship, but not marry. Because marriage means legally combining goods and resources, and since clearly they don't need that, they would not marry. I would seriously question a person who claims they don't need someone, but still want to get married if they met the right person. Why tie up your legal assets if you want to be independent?
Say prenup.
Independence allows any person to make choices. Choices and the ability to choose without emotional burdens, essentially is freedom. Freedom is what? it's the absence of constraints or limits to make choices.
Who doesn't want that? Shouldn't that be the goal? in all parts of our life?
However I also believe some people make their best choices when there is no place to "run" anymore. That is a whole 'nother discussion.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
Wants and needs are often wrapped up together and it can be hard to distinguish them, contrary to what some people think. I felt I both wanted and needed a man as a partner to be a father to my children. Because I wanted my kids to grow up with a father.
Karl Marx said that economics is the driving force behind all human behavior. The desire to obtain goods, resources or money is what drives humans. Do some people marry purely for love and love alone? Maybe. i don't know.
if a person is adamant that they don't "need" someone else, it stands to reason that they would not marry. They would just have a relationship, but not marry. Because marriage means legally combining goods and resources, and since clearly they don't need that, they would not marry. I would seriously question a person who claims they don't need someone, but still want to get married if they met the right person. Why tie up your legal assets if you want to be independent?
I would, because of love.
I don't need anyone. Been living fine (economically and otherwise) unmarried for several decades. Still, I have dated people I would have married. I didn't need them, I was in love with them and would have loved to form a partnership and scream to the world that we're a team. It had nothing to do with money. I don't agree at all with that Marx statement. It applies to some people, not all. Heck, if money was a driving force, or resources, or power, I certainly wouldn't have taken the career path I wanted to either.
Im in a semi long-distance 3 year relationship and to make a long story short, I feel like I have come to the realization I need the person more than I want this person. I dont know how I feel about this, and feeling this way. If your significant other came to you and said 'I need you more than I want you".. what would your reaction be? Is this bad to feel something like this? Does this make me a bad one in the relationship?
I live in MA, sig other lives in NJ... if that matters.
"Need" is worse because it's tied to deficient self-esteem. If you need someone to complete yourself, then you need to work on your own concept of who you are. What's more, 'Need" puts you at a severe disadvantage to your partner in any relationship. I typically don't like the notion of power dynamics in any matters of the heart, but if you feel you can stand on your own two feet without your partner, it turns you into a supplicant of a kind.
Meanwhile "Want" is about desire. It is intentional in nature.
Wants and needs are often wrapped up together and it can be hard to distinguish them, contrary to what some people think. I felt I both wanted and needed a man as a partner to be a father to my children. Because I wanted my kids to grow up with a father.
Karl Marx said that economics is the driving force behind all human behavior. The desire to obtain goods, resources or money is what drives humans. Do some people marry purely for love and love alone? Maybe. i don't know.
if a person is adamant that they don't "need" someone else, it stands to reason that they would not marry. They would just have a relationship, but not marry. Because marriage means legally combining goods and resources, and since clearly they don't need that, they would not marry. I would seriously question a person who claims they don't need someone, but still want to get married if they met the right person. Why tie up your legal assets if you want to be independent?
Perhaps those who marry want to be interdependent.
Wants and needs are often wrapped up together and it can be hard to distinguish them, contrary to what some people think. I felt I both wanted and needed a man as a partner to be a father to my children. Because I wanted my kids to grow up with a father.
Karl Marx said that economics is the driving force behind all human behavior. The desire to obtain goods, resources or money is what drives humans. Do some people marry purely for love and love alone? Maybe. i don't know.
if a person is adamant that they don't "need" someone else, it stands to reason that they would not marry. They would just have a relationship, but not marry. Because marriage means legally combining goods and resources, and since clearly they don't need that, they would not marry. I would seriously question a person who claims they don't need someone, but still want to get married if they met the right person. Why tie up your legal assets if you want to be independent?
I do think that a decision to marry should check out with your logical brain as a sound life choice, on financial and logistical grounds. I don't think that anyone should jump into a marriage without doing a little math and giving it some thought in that way.
However.
The reason that the love part is important, and significantly it needs to be strongly reciprocated by both parties, optimally...has to do with trust. Because life will hand us ups and downs, easy times and challenging ones (as it says in the vows) and you really need to know that the person beside you has your back. I mean, I remember being roommates with some of my closest friends as a very young adult, and having our living situation and dependence on others paying their agreed-upon share, completely destroy those friendships, when some of us were more reliable than others. An idea might look good on paper but fail to "survive first contact" (as my Ex says) with reality.
For me, the sentimental stuff has a lot to do with levels of trust. I do not trust just anyone to even live in my house, let alone to be a partner in the business of living life with me. Personal investment and commitment are part of that whole "love" thing.
Some people think that it's important in terms of having legitimate kids with parents who have the same last name and investment in raising them. In my decision to marry my fiance, having kids together isn't part of that picture, and I don't even think that's always a sound reason to get married (it CAN hurt you financially depending on various situational variables)...but what IS going into this decision, is a combination of wanting to celebrate the joy and love we have for one another with a whole bunch of our friends and family (which is why we're doing our wedding as a big EVENT of a thing) as well as various life logistics and financial considerations being favorable for us.
But if it were only about material matters, money, taxes and such, then we would probably just get it done quick and cheap at the courthouse. Like my Ex and I did.
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