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Old 01-08-2020, 09:50 PM
 
Location: Bergen County, New Jersey
12,069 posts, read 7,857,543 times
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Im in a semi long-distance 3 year relationship and to make a long story short, I feel like I have come to the realization I need the person more than I want this person. I dont know how I feel about this, and feeling this way. If your significant other came to you and said 'I need you more than I want you".. what would your reaction be? Is this bad to feel something like this? Does this make me a bad one in the relationship?

I live in MA, sig other lives in NJ... if that matters.
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Old 01-08-2020, 11:04 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,288,409 times
Reputation: 30257
I would question their sanity.
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Old 01-08-2020, 11:10 PM
 
378 posts, read 229,341 times
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Well needing someone gives off a clingy, codependent vibe many folks considers problematic. Personally, I rather be with someone out of desire rather than necessity. With that said, if my SO told me he needed me, I wouldn't run for the hills. We would sit down and explore what he means by it. We've been through quite a lot over the years. We've been there for each other through our hardest times. Nothing strengthens a bond quite like it. It wouldn't seem too crazy to need someone who adds such value and meaning to your life.

So I wouldn't beat yourself up, OP. Discuss it with your SO. Explore this feeling. Be gentle with yourself as you do.

Take care.
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Old 01-08-2020, 11:18 PM
 
Location: Tricity, PL
61,430 posts, read 86,526,431 times
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Yeah. I would rather be wanted than needed.
A child needs someone to take care of him. A "need" is a necessity.
An adult wants to be with someone. A "want" is a choice.
I don't NEED to be dependent on someone - I WANT a partner...

However, I think that most relationships are combination of wants and needs.
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Old 01-09-2020, 02:55 AM
 
1,713 posts, read 1,102,359 times
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Neither is preferable. A teacher of mine used to say love was no longer needing someone for sexual gratification or to make yourself feel good, but still wanting them around.

Me? I'd rather let people do their own thing and hope they leave me to do mine.
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Old 01-09-2020, 03:21 AM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,567,314 times
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How could it be better to need someone? If you need someone and you can’t have them, then what are you going to do?
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Old 01-09-2020, 03:41 AM
 
1,350 posts, read 814,178 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by masssachoicetts View Post
Im in a semi long-distance 3 year relationship and to make a long story short, I feel like I have come to the realization I need the person more than I want this person. I dont know how I feel about this, and feeling this way. If your significant other came to you and said 'I need you more than I want you".. what would your reaction be? Is this bad to feel something like this? Does this make me a bad one in the relationship?

I live in MA, sig other lives in NJ... if that matters.
OP, what do you mean you need them? As opposed to wanting them (as much)?

I will guess because it is long distance, and 3 years already, that you *need* to have that person who is there for you (in spirit, and in texts), you need moral support for life's daily things, you like knowing they are there for you (but at a distance), and at 3 years.... maybe you are not so sure about marrying this person.

Just guesses.
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Old 01-09-2020, 03:46 AM
 
7,583 posts, read 4,136,360 times
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They are equal in my book. Wanting or needing something is essentially a challenge, which we all face. There has to be a solution. Where it becomes an interpersonal issue is when the individual tries to make their wants or needs my problem. That is a big turn off.
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Old 01-09-2020, 04:13 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,914,439 times
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‘Needing’ sounds like the beginning of a horror movie.
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Old 01-09-2020, 04:45 AM
 
18,671 posts, read 33,290,630 times
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At 23, very depressed and madly in love with a wild man, he said, "If you need me, you don't love me." And I thought about it, and said, "I need you because I love you." (It's not like I loved many people and that's still true.)
I think I knew a lot back then.
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