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As a single person, especially a single male, you develop 'habits' that you carry on inside your own domicile.
Let's just say a lot of those *ahem* habits don't fly so well when living with a woman and I'm not talking about leaving the dishes in the sink either.
I think in retrospect (of life) it was probably a little damaging to be alone for so long. I developed habits that make it hard for me to get close to people and to co-habitate. A little bit.
I'll also say that living with a GF/BF makes more productive. If I were by myself, I could theoretically spend the whole day doing garbage and watching football. Living with somebody else makes me more productive, I do more.
Believe me, I know about the "habits", and they might be a little tough to break. I don't know how I would be living with a GF/Wife.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobspez
Many people acquire a partner regardless of school and work. I don't understand how prioritizing school and work could keep a person from having relationships for 12 years. I think something else is going on here. Attraction to others is to some extent a biological imperative, like eating or sleeping. If a person is capable of falling in love, and they do fall in love, that automatically takes priority in their mind, except under extraordinary circumstances where their survival is at stake. People go to all kinds of lengths, sacrifices, compromises to keep that relationship going. Like they say, love is blind.
I’ve made this argument before, there is doing something and doing something well. If you are trying to do school, work, and a relationship at the same time, something is going to give and it will not be pretty. I made the mistake of doing all three and I had to let the most expendable one give, the relationship. She just could not understand why I was so tired all the time working 45-50 hours a week on top of grad school. We both had enough at some point. Biologically no one can handle that load.
I worked full time as an audit manager, was in grad school getting an MBA and was married with three kids and a stay at home wife. I also did my own car repairs and house repairs, bought a house and commuted two hours a day with public transportation at all hours. Plus I was a heavy drinker. My wife took care of the housework and the kids. I never considered doing anything but putting one foot in front of the other. I did them all the best I could and survived. Maybe it was the alcohol (Dutch courage worked for me).
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
I’ve made this argument before, there is doing something and doing something well. If you are trying to do school, work, and a relationship at the same time, something is going to give and it will not be pretty. I made the mistake of doing all three and I had to let the most expendable one give, the relationship. She just could not understand why I was so tired all the time working 45-50 hours a week on top of grad school. We both had enough at some point. Biologically no one can handle that load.
Attraction to others is to some extent a biological imperative, like eating or sleeping. If a person is capable of falling in love, and they do fall in love, that automatically takes priority in their mind.
Biology was my worst subject at school and I owe it nothing. My feeling attracted to someone happens very rarely, once a decade or so, I never act on it and can talk myself out of it within a matter of days.
Why? Because I'm a miserable sod and can see the skull beneath the skin. For me the harsh realities of being and living with someone far outweigh the benefits. If I took the risk, I'd be waiting for it all go spectacularly pear shaped, then feel a quiet sense of satisfaction when it did because I was right all along.
You have a unique outlook on relationships. But if it works for you, then that is fine. I started chasing girls at the age of 5 and never stopped until I met my wife and got married at 25. My cousin described me as a puppy dog whose tail never stopped wagging. Been married 46 years and I liked and still like all of it, the love, the sex, the arguments, the compromises, the companionship, the good times and the bad. To me, that's living. When I was single I was lonely. Giving up my so called freedom was easy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by scribbles76
Biology was my worst subject at school and I owe it nothing. My feeling attracted to someone happens very rarely, once a decade or so, I never act on it and can talk myself out of it within a matter of days.
Why? Because I'm a miserable sod and can see the skull beneath the skin. For me the harsh realities of being and living with someone far outweigh the benefits. If I took the risk, I'd be waiting for it all go spectacularly pear shaped, then feel a quiet sense of satisfaction when it did because I was right all along.
Single does not mean being lonely. I've been married (now divorced) and I'll take single life any day of the week. Unless you can get me a women who isn't a little needy then maybe I would consider a relationship. I won't ever get married again, that is an awful trap and unnecessary. Some people though need to be in a relationship, I don't get it, but they need attention at all times.
If you don't want a relationship don't worry about. People in a relationship will make you think something is wrong, but they just want you to be as miserable as them.
I've been in multiple relationships over the last ten years, but have always been "legally single" and never had a romantic partner living with me.
It would be difficult for me, as I also was an only child. I'm very neat and tidy. I don't leave dishes in the sink. I don't do "mess" at all. I was out of town yesterday, came home, and the cat made a mess. I hated to leave the place a mess today.
I'm also stubborn and like things the way I like them. Someone would have to compromise a lot with me.
As a single person, especially a single male, you develop 'habits' that you carry on inside your own domicile.
Let's just say a lot of those *ahem* habits don't fly so well when living with a woman and I'm not talking about leaving the dishes in the sink either.
I think in retrospect (of life) it was probably a little damaging to be alone for so long. I developed habits that make it hard for me to get close to people and to co-habitate. A little bit.
I'll also say that living with a GF/BF makes more productive. If I were by myself, I could theoretically spend the whole day doing garbage and watching football. Living with somebody else makes me more productive, I do more.
I think there's a lot of truth to this, especially for men. Obviously, there are exceptions, but men tend to drift and not do as well as when they don't have a partner. I'm 49 and it gets harder as you get older. I have to actively fight these types of tendencies.
You know I feel the same way about this topic as I do about other “maturity markers”; homeownership, not playing video games, not partying, being in a management position. It doesn’t sound like a good deal to me at all, so I’ll guess I’ll just stay “immature.”
Yeah, I kinda feel that way, too. There's some truth to these 'maturity markers' but there are a lot of people who go through the motions of these markers who really aren't mature or true to themselves at all. They're just following a script.
A fear or strict avoidance to compromise sounds like a very shallow life in terms of social involvement, but if you’re ok with never really having mutual relations (of any kind) with others already it’s not something that is ever really going to affect you.
A very silly example:
- One who partakes or accepts washing dishes will become more proficient at doing so due to their involvement and investment. They have room to excel in this area as a result.
- One who avoids or refuses doing dishes will struggle to do them as efficiently as those who partake in the cleaning of them due to their lack of involvement and investment. They will struggle and fumble in this area as a result.
If someone seeks another to do or is interested in the washing of dishes the likelihood they will want the inexperienced and uninterested is unlikely. They lack experience to give any form of real fulfillment in the venture.
Last edited by rego00123; 01-20-2020 at 12:32 PM..
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