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Well, in the end, we can only go by the OPs words. We can infer all kinds of things, but we really don't know for sure. So whether she's not good with money or he's controlling, there are many "incidents" that happen that make him question the relationship to the extent that he's considering breaking up.
If these incidents are a different philosophy on money, after 6 years it will never change. Best to break up now. Why drag things out? (That benefits both of them). If he is controlling and not getting his way, as some here seem to think, breaking up again is the best solution (for the girlfriend in that case).
Am I wrong in thinking everyone here, whether they are taking the post at face value or if they are reading more into it, all agree that the outcome should be the same regardless? Is anyone here really thinking these two should stay together if they either fight over money or he wants to control her?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary
Am I wrong in thinking everyone here, whether they are taking the post at face value or if they are reading more into it, all agree that the outcome should be the same regardless? Is anyone here really thinking these two should stay together if they either fight over money or he wants to control her?
Good point. Either way, its best to move on. It's not a good match.
Oh, come on. Who has ever defined "responsible adult" as "adult who won't work enough to support themselves but instead expects others to make up their shortfall"?
I suspect you're just being argumentative for the fun of it.
I re-read his post. Depending on how far they are into the relationship, he might be pushing her inappropriately about this insurance. If they mutually intend to have commingled assets, he'd be justified in being upset at the effect she's having on their currently joint assets. But if they're maintaining separate assets and each chipping in for the shared expenses, then he shouldn't be making demands or pressuring her about it as long as it isn't imposing on his separate financial situation. He is justified, however, in being concerned about a future in which their assets would become more commingled. Maybe he could tell her about those concerns (while being respectful of her financial autonomy), and maybe say that he'd want to have a separate contributors arrangement for the long term.
We could just say "her money, her business," which is basically true. It's still odd, though. If I were in a live-in relationship and my SO asked why I wasn't using my insurance, I'd either say "good point, I'll check into it," or I'd offer a basic explanation (maybe, "this doctor has been such a great healthcare partner that I'd rather pay the full cost than go to somebody else because of the insurance"). If he's so money driven that he'd insist that she just deal with it for the savings, that would be intrusive and she should consider whether to continue the relationship.
Still, that comment about her needing him to remind her suggests that something's wrong on her end of it.
This is one of the examples of many: She is a seasonal worker and collects unemployment during the off season. I'm totally okay with that and can handle the overhead of the home. With that being said I think its reasonable for me to expect her to save and spend the money she does get wisely. For the past 6 months I've told her that she should call her health insurance company to see if they would cover a doctor's visit she has ever month or help in finding a new doctor that they do cover.
That's $125 that can used for something else if we don't have to pay that. All it takes is a phone call to her insurance company and she can't even do that.
I tried to explain this to her and she gets defensive despite telling me to communicate when something is bothering me.
That's over $1,200 a year that is spent that she's could be saving or using for something else.
She said that she needs me to remind her. I told her that her reminder is every month she has to pay that bill. I told her that she doesn't have to remind me to go to work or pay the monthly bills to keep a roof over her head. I do that for us. She doesn't seem to understand where I'm coming from.
I can't see myself with a person who views money issues on a total different opposite end.
At this point I'm just ready to end it. Is that wrong or unreasonable to do that? Am I explaining it wrong?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lou
I re-read his post. Depending on how far they are into the relationship, he might be pushing her inappropriately about this insurance. If they mutually intend to have commingled assets, he'd be justified in being upset at the effect she's having on their currently joint assets. But if they're maintaining separate assets and each chipping in for the shared expenses, then he shouldn't be making demands or pressuring her about it as long as it isn't imposing on his separate financial situation. He is justified, however, in being concerned about a future in which their assets would become more commingled. Maybe he could tell her about those concerns (while being respectful of her financial autonomy), and maybe say that he'd want to have a separate contributors arrangement for the long term.
We could just say "her money, her business," which is basically true. It's still odd, though. If I were in a live-in relationship and my SO asked why I wasn't using my insurance, I'd either say "good point, I'll check into it," or I'd offer a basic explanation (maybe, "this doctor has been such a great healthcare partner that I'd rather pay the full cost than go to somebody else because of the insurance"). If he's so money driven that he'd insist that she just deal with it for the savings, that would be intrusive and she should consider whether to continue the relationship.
Still, that comment about her needing him to remind her suggests that something's wrong on her end of it.
It's not her money her business. It is his money that SHE uses. He pays for her because she chooses not to work half of the year and he is paying all the bills for him AND HER.
He isn't here. He has a total of one post on CD and hasn't been back.
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