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I don’t think it is blaming to wonder why a person has had so many relationships with that drama. Something about that person attracts those who have nefarious intentions. May or may not be totally their fault but definitely may be cause to pause.
Because there are a lot of messed up people in the world. Sometimes it's not possible to avoid all of them. Hence, the relationship drama.
Also most people you meet over the age of 30 will have had at least one divorce. Not all marriages end amicably, in fact, probably most of them don't.
Anyway, asking a person about their past relationships sets a bad tone for a first or second date. You should be trying to establish chemistry first not grilling a person about their past.
Because there are a lot of messed up people in the world. Sometimes it's not possible to avoid all of them. Hence, the relationship drama.
Also most people you meet over the age of 30 will have had at least one divorce. Not all marriages end amicably, in fact, probably most of them don't.
Anyway, asking a person about their past relationships sets a bad tone for a first or second date. You should be trying to establish chemistry first not grilling a person about their past.
Sometimes I don't have to ask. It comes up organically or...rather..they feel the need to actually confess it. One woman said her sister would always get on to her for oversharing.
I don’t think it is blaming to wonder why a person has had so many relationships with that drama. Something about that person attracts those who have nefarious intentions. May or may not be totally their fault but definitely may be cause to pause.
I sense it’s them, they’re the drama denominator. They’re the one causing the craziness in others. A guy telling me about his crazy exes, I picture what he’s done to take them there. I don’t want to get in that boat.
I was getting to know this woman I had met locally. Turns out she told me she's been married twice to men that had cheated on her, the 2nd ex got his mistress pregnant. Her last relationship (5 years ago)..was with just a manipulative boyfriend. She said she would never marry again.
Almost a similar situation to a woman I met that had been married 3 times.
This one has all grown kids though. She sees a therapist.
I'll cut in with this...when I hear all of this being launched at me, I feel like Jerry Springer or Maury Povich is about to show up. It's funny....but not really.
But she tells me she has always had a bad picker and picked men that were bad for her.
When I constantly hear these stories from the women I meet, I keep wondering if this is becoming more the norm though. What is known as damaged goods. Now, I can let it slide if it was a one shot thing. Most people have probably had the misfortune of having at least one bad marriage in their lives or a bad relationship. But if it's a slew of repetitive bad choices...I cannot relate to these types...and can be a turn off for me.
When I talk to a woman, and I hear "I see a therapist weekly" or "I've had abusive/cheating/husbands/boyfriends". Of course, it has become the norm for people to see therapists these days I suppose.
Would these people be most compatible with men of similar type of a relationship or marital history?
I sense it’s them, they’re the drama denominator. They’re the one causing the craziness in others. A guy telling me about his crazy exes, I picture what he’s done to take them there. I don’t want to get in that boat.
Hm, kind of like a chicken or the egg situation. Give them enough rope and they'll hang themselves?
I can easily see discussing someone with their ex. It would only be difficult when one of the 2 people is overly sensitive, like they haven’t gotten over it, jealous, or insecure. IMO. I’d really enjoy getting her opinion, would benefit from her experience.
I can, too. Do people really never talk about their former relationships, that they wouldn't know if a partner had been in a bad one in the past? Hell, that's something I want to know.
I can, too. Do people really never talk about their former relationships, that they wouldn't know if a partner had been in a bad one in the past? Hell, that's something I want to know.
Well, you do tend to wonder that after 3 marriages and divorces to 3 different person...and all those men had basically the same problem (cheating and abusive)...it does makes you question your prospect about that pattern.
As you meet people and hear their stories, some things will offend your sensibilities, or maybe you are greatly entertained.
you can say "this person presents themselves as a martyr or paragon of virtue" and yet all these bad things happened to them. Or what are they leaving out of the story? Do they derive a palatable pleasure about telling these outrageous tales? - people who watch Jerry Springer & Maury (these days wouldnt it be more wendy williams?) - they sure enjoy hearing them.
When you hear these stories across the Starbucks table, do you say "this person is just like me" or "this person is too different".
you have the ability to project yourself into the situation and say "I would do this" or "I wouldnt do that" if it were me.
But what you're really doing is gathering information, and judging another person.
Personally, I would like someone who saw a therapist, so they at least knew their demons and hangups.
By the way - you are "Damaged Goods", too. The longer you live, the more Life Experience you accumulate. The only person who can say with any Authority that they've never been cheated on, is either very young, or posts "I'm still a virgin at age X" - because they have abstained from romantic+sexual adult relationships. So for reals - how big is the bank of experience they can draw upon, when it comes time to evaluate their partners actions and possible responses?
So triple divorce... you planning on being #4, on the first date? is marriage the envitable conclusion? Have you heard of PreNups?
What about the person that has never married - but still has 40 people in their past, of various durations - wild weekends in Cabo, 2 dozen 2 monthers, a 4-pack of 6 monthers, 1 that stuck around for 6 years but no marriage or kids came out of it - who's *better* at relationships and making wise choices?
Shouldn't be so hard to figure out, what you can and cannot live without.
Well, you do tend to wonder that after 3 marriages and divorces to 3 different person...and all those men had basically the same problem (cheating and abusive)...it does makes you question your prospect about that pattern.
But many people would also have a problem if the prospective romantic partner has never been married. That's also a "red flag". So people can't win either way. It's either a red flag if they're divorced, or it's a red flag if they've never been married.
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