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Confidence goes a long way to developing charisma, btw. Maybe after all these years, you've found your authentic voice, and are expressing yourself more or better? That's great feedback to get! But now that you've become more attractive to US women, why give up on them? The women where you're planning to search don't care about charisma; any reliable, non-alcoholic, mildly affectionate and stable schlump will do. (Though the obese need not apply.)
Wouldn't you rather have someone who appreciates the new you, and the effort you made to arrive at that?
I would, but time is not on my side now that I'm over 50. I can't keep holding out hope I'll meet someone, ESPECIALLY where I am stuck living. So while its great feedback, the pool here is limited. Also, I would have to be able to approach multiple women a day to hopefully meet someone. Its just not in my DNA to do that.
I would, but time is not on my side now that I'm over 50. I can't keep holding out hope I'll meet someone, ESPECIALLY where I am stuck living. So while its great feedback, the pool here is limited. Also, I would have to be able to approach multiple women a day to hopefully meet someone. Its just not in my DNA to do that.
So, you want to go to E Europe, and be somebody's stable, reliable schlump? Aren't there dating services in your general region, that could set you up with women? Like, for example, that one where they set you up for lunch with a different woman each week (I forget what it's called), or similar? BTW, weren't you hoping to move to Atlanta awhile ago? How did that turn out?
You need both, looks and charisma, to appeal to women?
LOL no. No, you do not.
In fact if you have neither of those, learn to play a guitar. Or juggle. Or fly a plane, or make art, or to write, or...
Case in point... I knew a short little dude, like 5'2" or so, who was mid 30's when I met him, and had spent most of his life homeless, drifting and grifting. He had kids with a woman that he hadn't seen or paid support on in years, he has a big gnarly hairy mole on one ear where you can't help but see it, he's got not just no money but negative money. Severely obsessively addicted to weed. Criminal record! All he had going for him, is that he had pretty eyes and a weird kind of "cute" going on, and a dash of up-front charm (that wore thin fast once you got to know him) but significantly he could play a guitar and sing.
He claims to have had over a hundred female partners, he complains that they always catch feels and want to be serious with him, and I watched how attracted women were to him, and for a very short time felt a little of it myself (as I said, until I got to know him.) But he's got another steady relationship now and a baby, though they have lost their home a few times and had to couch surf together and wander.
If this little bastard has women throwing themselves at him, the ONLY thing he's got is that he has a whole "IDGAF" confidence, the ability to noodle about (he's not even that good) on a guitar, and kind of a cute face, but not remarkable. He looks, at first, on the surface, like a good time. Like a hippie drifter without a care in the world. Sometimes it's nice to think, "how would it feel, to not have a care in the world?"
He's got his own brand, and that is the point I'm trying to make. Whatever it is, he believes in it. And it's been my feeling that's a lot of what causes guys to struggle, is they don't believe in their own brand, they expect to fail, which affects the choices they make and how they come off.
Well, agree to disagree on not needing both. Sure I have other talents, but nobody sees or appreciates them. Very few people make any effort to get to know me enough to be surprised by these talents. For example, it won't be revealed in a coffee date all the self improvement work, travels, or unique things I've done like stand up comedy and improv classes, or that I actually CAN juggle, lol. More importantly, the fact I'm a one woman man and want to be in a committed relationship somehow isn't being communicated effectively by me and/or the woman doesn't care. I mean maybe a couple of those things will be revealed, but they don't really make a difference to whoever I'm with. This is why I get stuck on the charisma thing. If I could craft these stories in a charismatic way, it would probably make a difference.
Maybe it does come down to me believing in my brand. Thing is, thats hard to quantify and walk that walk, at least for me. Or maybe its just about "being comfortable in your own skin"? I'm closer to that now than ever.
So, you want to go to E Europe, and be somebody's stable, reliable schlump? Aren't there dating services in your general region, that could set you up with women? Like, for example, that one where they set you up for lunch with a different woman each week (I forget what it's called), or similar? BTW, weren't you hoping to move to Atlanta awhile ago? How did that turn out?
You're referring to Its just Lunch and they have an awful reputation. Its also not very personalized. Still working on Atlanta, as its a multi year project it seems. So yeah, I'm going to be that schlump, I guess. In all seriousness, unless there are genuine feelings, I will not be that guy. This may not be the ultimate solution, but I'm out of ideas. The good news is she won't be a jaded feminist (with any luck).
The word, Looks, must be defined -it includes health, self care, Social status and mental emotional stability -all can be transmitted by appearance -even deception can be transmitted by appearance -by contradictions
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
You're referring to Its just Lunch and they have an awful reputation. Its also not very personalized. Still working on Atlanta, as its a multi year project it seems. So yeah, I'm going to be that schlump, I guess. In all seriousness, unless there are genuine feelings, I will not be that guy. This may not be the ultimate solution, but I'm out of ideas. The good news is she won't be a jaded feminist (with any luck).
What's the point of having a relationship at all without feelings for the other person?
I guess I also don't really get your insistence on wanting to be involved with a woman that doesn't think she should have equal rights and opportunities in society (a feminist). Could you respect such a person? I couldn't, and I couldn't date someone I didn't respect. You wanted to have kids... would you seriously teach a daughter that she is a second class citizen and shouldn't pursue, or be able to pursue, her dreams?
Men do you judge women on looks with first meetings?
Yes.
For me I know within the first seven seconds whether I am attracted or not. How she looks as I approach, her hair and eyes, her smile, a hug or handshake, how she says hello.
All the personality, sense of humor, talents and skills, smarts, drive, interests, cannot or will not (for me) change the initial (very binary) impression. Some of these I may have a feel for, through messaging prior to meeting (sense of humor) and profile pics (runner's bib, covered with mud).
You're referring to Its just Lunch and they have an awful reputation. Its also not very personalized. Still working on Atlanta, as its a multi year project it seems. So yeah, I'm going to be that schlump, I guess. In all seriousness, unless there are genuine feelings, I will not be that guy. This may not be the ultimate solution, but I'm out of ideas. The good news is she won't be a jaded feminist (with any luck).
How many jaded feminists do you know? I don't know any.
How many jaded feminists do you know? I don't know any.
Yeah, I don't know any either because I would never be around them, lol. The point was, going overseas improves my chances because in general they are not "Westernized", depending on the country of course. I know generalities are not welcomed here, but I don't know how else to say it. But I have to say that isn't even the primary reason for going there. The primary reason is my current location, as well as looking for someone a little more traditional in her thinking about gender roles. The whole feminist movement is something I'm not an expert in, and I know there are variations, so I probably shouldn't be talking about it.
Well, agree to disagree on not needing both. Sure I have other talents, but nobody sees or appreciates them. Very few people make any effort to get to know me enough to be surprised by these talents. For example, it won't be revealed in a coffee date all the self improvement work, travels, or unique things I've done like stand up comedy and improv classes, or that I actually CAN juggle, lol. More importantly, the fact I'm a one woman man and want to be in a committed relationship somehow isn't being communicated effectively by me and/or the woman doesn't care. I mean maybe a couple of those things will be revealed, but they don't really make a difference to whoever I'm with. This is why I get stuck on the charisma thing. If I could craft these stories in a charismatic way, it would probably make a difference.
Maybe it does come down to me believing in my brand. Thing is, thats hard to quantify and walk that walk, at least for me. Or maybe its just about "being comfortable in your own skin"? I'm closer to that now than ever.
Seriously why would you not communicate in a coffee date that you have done those interesting things? Being a one woman man and looking for a committed life-long thing is all well and good, but that's not the focus of Date #1, or it shouldn't be IMO. You've got to show someone why they want to be around you, and that's a matter of conveying the things that would make somebody consider being that one woman. A vast majority of people, I think, would want to end up in a solid, happy, one-on-one LTR. But they have to find the right person for it. You have some concept of what that would look like, for you.
The "not believing in your own brand" also has to do with not taking the chances, meeting the women...certainly not all of us would be that fit for your needs, so the women are not the only ones filtering.
My feel on all this, the positive mental picture I've got of the process, is like floating down a river...for some of us, we take it as a pleasant business, we get to see lots of interesting scenery and some of that you'd want to stop and enjoy a while, some you might want to just pass on by, you're hoping to find the one good landing place but we don't know if that would happen tomorrow or next week or next year. Telling yourself it all sucks and there's nothing good where you're at though... I dunno man, I just have a hard time buying that. I have my skepticism about your plan, not only does it boggle my brain that something that seems so complicated and probably expensive to me would be seen as easier by you...I've actually seen it NOT work out at least once, spectacularly badly. But for your sake, I hope it works out for you.
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