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I saw him again today and it kind of seemed like he was trying to draw out the conversation (small tall), smiling, making eye contact. I was too but MechAndy's post made an impact on me, and I dont want to be "fast."
If I have read him right he's a bit timid and a fast girl would be offputting. All the guys I've dated from his region have been on the classy side, discerning, polite, shy. I like these traits. I guess I also need to keep things on his speed though, which I can do. Im a north/midwest girl in spirit, so this might be a perfect match but it also might take some years to actually come to fruition.
There are plenty of trashy people in the Midwest too LOL.
Not sure how old you are, but I don't think it is "fast" to ask him out for a cup of coffee (unrelated to work).
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
Yeah, I wish I had gotten the nerve to say something like that. I have no reason to contact him at all though, so if I did now it would be pretty obvious I was doing it just to ask him out.
If he hires me again we will see each other and maybe something will happen then. He seemed kind of interested today unless he is just a very polite and friendly guy. Or maybe we will bump into each other in town. Its a tiny place, there is only one coffee place, I might start hanging out there sometimes.
Thanks you all for the help!
Waiting for something to "happen" or for you to randomly encounter him around town is a pretty unlikely proposition. Why is it bad if you contact him just to ask him out?
If the concern is messing up your business relationship, that is a risk no matter what and you need to decide if the potential romance is worth it.
Thank you for the replies. Just fyi its nothing like him hiring me as part of a larger corporation or company. Its more a personal service. Sorry to not give details. Im giving as much as I can without saying what it actually is.
I think if he is interested in me (IF....I've no idea if he is or not), and he hesitates it might be because there are no other providers here of this service he needs. Small town struggles.
Since he's the guy I was hoping he'd ask me out. But I'm not the best flirter either. I sometimes think I'm sending out lots of flirty signals to then be told I was sending out none. If I want him I'd have to do something bold like say it outright? Maybe his "hun" thing was a hint though it was done in a way that could be brushed off as me hearing things? Maybe he was flirting and I didnt flirt back enough for him to have a green light.
Ok..just short of being a call girl I don’t think there is any reason why you can’t tell us.
Your “services” sound illegal.
I mean, if it was house cleaning then tell us. However, if you are a prostitute then I could see why you don’t want to say.
After thinking about things I think I had an opportunity last time we saw each other but I was a little nervous so I missed it. I think he was flirting a little but I didnt flirt back enough to show I am interested.
The problem is I think both of us are shy introverts.
Im not going to try to rush things though. If its meant to be it will work out in its own timing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann
Ok..just short of being a call girl I don’t think there is any reason why you can’t tell us.
Your “services” sound illegal.
I mean, if it was house cleaning then tell us. However, if you are a prostitute then I could see why you don’t want to say.
Yeah, I wish I had gotten the nerve to say something like that. I have no reason to contact him at all though, so if I did now it would be pretty obvious I was doing it just to ask him out.
If he hires me again we will see each other and maybe something will happen then. He seemed kind of interested today unless he is just a very polite and friendly guy. Or maybe we will bump into each other in town. Its a tiny place, there is only one coffee place, I might start hanging out there sometimes.
Thanks you all for the help!
I don’t get what’s so hard about just telling the guy you’re interested? Your worst case is that he politely declines and then feels uncomfortable about ever hiring you again.
I don’t get what’s so hard about just telling the guy you’re interested? Your worst case is that he politely declines and then feels uncomfortable about ever hiring you again.
I dont know, I would feel very awkward doing it. I would also feel like Im throwing myself at him. He might think Im desperate or easy, going around hitting on every guy.
There are a few reasons this situation is new to me. Before, I was living in california where there is a lot of rampant narcissism. Im not going to armchair diagnose anyone but the dating culture there is cutthroat and shallow. Its mostly about who drives the best car, has the most impressive job, best zip code. Its all based on looks and money. Despite all this I sometimes found the person that didnt fit that stereotype but it was rare, and they were usually from out of state (like Chicago).
Now I live in another state that is very different. People are down to earth, humble, kind, neighborly, nothing at all like where I came from. At the same time there are very very few dating prospects since most people are married, they got married right out of high school. If they are single they probably have some major problem like drugs.
This guy is the first guy I encountered who seems to be single and not have any problems, my same age, new in town (less than a year), and he seems kind, sweet, smart. Polar opposite of everyone I dated in LA.
But being used to LA Im also used to very aggressive men. Thats why it was so easy to date there, the men are aggressive. Too much so. Its a very machismo place.
So this is new. This guy doesnt have that aggressive machismo aura at all yet he is exactly my type. It makes sense I had to leave a place that wasnt working for me to come somewhere else that fits my style more and then meet someone that seems to fit me.
But Im so used to such aggressive men I dont know how to approach this. Its basically a culture difference.
I dont know, I would feel very awkward doing it. I would also feel like Im throwing myself at him. He might think Im desperate or easy, going around hitting on every guy.
I see enough women say something like this that I do see why you'd think you need to be concerned. Do you think though, that this guy would jump to those conclusions if you made a low key show of interest in him? And if he did think you were desperate or easy simply because you showed interest, would you want to date him? A good man will be flattered, whether he's interested or not. And if he's interested and he doesn't assume you're desperate, haven't you discovered two good things with one simple ask on your part?
I see enough women say something like this that I do see why you'd think you need to be concerned. Do you think though, that this guy would jump to those conclusions if you made a low key show of interest in him? And if he did think you were desperate or easy simply because you showed interest, would you want to date him? A good man will be flattered, whether he's interested or not. And if he's interested and he doesn't assume you're desperate, haven't you discovered two good things with one simple ask on your part?
You're right. Im going to have to reach out to him. He probably has no idea if Im interested or not. I dont even know if he is either 100%. But someone has to make the next step.
The worst that can happen is he will ignore me and never hire me again.
You're right. Im going to have to reach out to him. He probably has no idea if Im interested or not. I dont even know if he is either 100%. But someone has to make the next step.
The worst that can happen is he will ignore me and never hire me again.
And even if that happens you will have done something for you that you're afraid to do, which is that getting out of your comfort zone thing.
I just saw him in town! I was driving down the main street and thought I saw him walking. So I parked a bit further down and walked up the street. We passed each other. I smiled and said hi! He smiled really big and said "How are you?" But he was talking on his bluetooth (he pulled it out as he said hru) so I didnt want to bother him. But he looked happy to see me at least.
I think its a good sign!
If he knew I was looking for him, he didnt seem to mind. He looked pretty happy.
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