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My question before deciding that tho.... would be why are they only seeing each other 2 to 3 times a week....& is it only for a couple of hours each time? What about spending all day together on the weekends or times off together or more nights together.......when it's about more than just the sex.........
Maybe they don't live close to one another, or they have different work schedules. *shrug*
I know for the longest time, my fiance and I would go for one quick lunch date during the week, have Friday nights dedicated to just us, and then see each other at parties or social gatherings on the weekend, and that was it. Probably something like the first 5-6 months were that way. Then things shifted a little, and we started spending a bit more time together but still not a lot of weeknights because I work days, he works evenings.
It was 2 years before we moved in together, and started spending a whole lot of our overlapping free time, almost all of it, together.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Originally Posted by thinkertinker
Sex is important, but it can't be the driving force of any relationship. If I had to have sex with my significant other every time I see them that would be exhausting too. You have to go with the flow and the mood. I rather have good, emotional passionate sex that happens once every other week, than routine sex just for the sake of sex 4-5 times a week. I feel like the routine sex, would just start to feel so....routine.
IMO........if sex has become routine after only 4 months of dating & they only see each other 2 to 3 times a week & somebody is already bored.........there's a problemo.........
Once you're married 10 yrs..........it could make sense to have to pep it up or feel like it's a routine.........but O.P. is talking about 4 months of dating....
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I think it is absurd that there is actually concern over a 49 year old man not wanting sex on ONE instance. Newsflash, men get too tired for sex too. I could only imagine all hell breaking loose here if a dude complained his woman didn’t want to have sex all the time.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
Maybe they don't live close to one another, or they have different work schedules. *shrug*
I know for the longest time, my fiance and I would go for one quick lunch date during the week, have Friday nights dedicated to just us, and then see each other at parties or social gatherings on the weekend, and that was it. Probably something like the first 5-6 months were that way. Then things shifted a little, and we started spending a bit more time together but still not a lot of weeknights because I work days, he works evenings.
It was 2 years before we moved in together, and started spending a whole lot of our overlapping free time, almost all of it, together.
Not to offend you or what worked for you...BUT there are also couples that want to be together more tho........& they do what it takes to be together. My fiance & I have very different schedules but I try to adapt to his time off as much as I can...& he does to me.... except if I get stuck with an evening or Saturday shift. I'm part time & have had my job for less than a yr. so I don't always get the best schedule............
Moving in together after several months was part of it for us tho......
My question before deciding that tho.... would be why are they only seeing each other 2 to 3 times a week....& is it only for a couple of hours each time? What about spending all day together on the weekends or times off together or more nights together.......when it's about more than just the sex.........
He's a divorced man, late 40's with kids and has the kids on weekends. That's what I've gathered from previous threads created by OP.
IMO........if sex has become routine after only 4 months of dating & they only see each other 2 to 3 times a week & somebody is already bored.........there's a problemo.........
Once you're married 10 yrs..........it could make sense to have to pep it up or feel like it's a routine.........but O.P. is talking about 4 months of dating....
I think having a balanced approach to how much sex you have in the beginning is better for a long lasting future. If you start things too intensely, only one way to go but down from there. There should be a balance be it in the beginning or if it's 10 years in. That balance might change.
I rather have good, meaningful, sex once a week than just trying to get each other off 5 times a week for the sake of just getting off. The former will create a deeper connection the latter will create more superficiality to the relationship.
Also I think having some space between sex creates this lust, craving and desire for more. I love ice cream. If I eat ice cream every day, it's going to start to lose that desire I have for it. But I only eat ice cream once a week, trust me when it's time to have that once-a-week ice cream, I am going to be desiring and craving it badly, making it more pleasurable. Give someone too much sex, I feel like it loses it's luster.
Last edited by thinkertinker; 01-21-2020 at 03:01 PM..
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkertinker
I think having a balanced approach to how much sex you have in the beginning is better for a long lasting future. If you start things too intensely, only one way to go but down from there. There should be a balance be it in the beginning or if it's 10 years in. That balance might change.
I rather have good, meaningful, sex once a week than just trying to get each other off 5 times a week for the sake of just getting off. The former will create a deeper connection the latter will create more superficiality to the relationship.
IMO sex is about making each other happy........& showing the other 1 how much you love them....that's what makes it meaningful if it's once a week or every day.
It's like saying you should have a balanced approach to how much you give or how much you love.........that's silly....."don't give too much, keep it once a week"............
Yeah I'm definitely not saying that there is one day to do any of this, if two people both WANT to spend tons of time together having tons of sex early, later, at any point, whatever, it's not my relationship it's theirs.
But that's kind of what I'm saying, though, is that it can look different from that and still be a healthy relationship. And while I do not believe that a man of any age should have to justify it if one night he just isn't in the mood to get busy, a guy in his 40s+ might not be quite as driven about it as a younger one.
I don't think that what the OP described indicates red flags or problems in and of itself. If there were a lot more complications and issues, then perhaps it could have been a symptom, but there would need to be a lot more stuff awry than this for me to have concerns.
Now one thing I'll tell ya... I was dating a guy, and we often got together in town, with friends, but he lived far out in the country down a brutal gravel road (it damaged my car!) and I was not interested in having partners over to my apartment for sex because I shared it with my son and it wasn't a very big place at the time. So he and I weren't really getting it on very often. He would often say he wanted to get together for some sexytime, and I agreed, so I arranged to drive out to his place one night. And I got there, and he seemed to just want me to sit on the couch with him and watch Longmire. Which I don't even watch. I tried to initiate some friskiness and he got annoyed and said he was watching his show. So I backed off. Eventually we went to bed. I woke up earlier than him, and sorta tried to snuggle up, see if I could get something going...and he didn't seem to want to wake up. So, frustrated, I got up and got dressed, I was actually kind of mad because I sure didn't drive all the way out there for TV on the couch, and his words and actions weren't lining up. He came out of the bedroom while I was getting dressed in the living room, and tossed me a quickie basically and he was like, "You didn't think I was gonna just let you leave without having any fun at all, did you?" Well uh yeah it was looking that way and I can't say I left satisfied either. That relationship did not last much longer at all.
So yeah, there can be disconnects in that area that are problematic. But that just isn't what I was picking up from how OP described this.
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